Slavestuck
by Slavestuck
Summary: AU. Character death. Now you know why the caged wingbeast sings. You're stuck in this palace with ravenous murderers. One of them, the prince of them all, happens to be your owner. GamTav, Davros, EqiAra and other pairings inside.
1. Part I

Hi! This is a collab story with my roleplay partner! Our pride and joy! we've written and published it on tumblr first. Or URL's are .com and .com. The story itself also has a tumblr. .com, Anyway, onto the warnings:

Title: Slavestuck (AU)  
>Fandom: MS Paint Adventures: Homestuck<br>Rating: M  
>Characters: Tavros Nitram, Gamzee Makara, Equius Zahhak, Aradia Megido, Dave Strider, Grand Highblood, Nepeta Leijon. More to add later.<br>Pairing(s): Gamzee/Tavros, onesided Dave/Tavros, Equius/Aradia, more later.  
>Warnings: blood, violence, mental anxiety, death.<p>

* * *

><p>== You are the Prince of the High Subjugglators. Your ancestor, the King of the Subjugglators, has requested you see him today. He is called the Grand Highblood in your kingdom, and that is how you have referred to him your whole life. You will most likely refer to him until he dies, before you become the next Grand Highblood after him.<p>

You walk the hallways of the castle to his respiteblock, which is at the top of all these stairs. You've been warned not to fall down these stairs.

You open the door to it carefully, looking in. One of his slaves, one you've gotten to know simply as Aradia, hurries out of the room, nodding at you slightly as you pass. You scowl at her; she's a disgusting rust blood and has no right to make any gestures at you.

The Grand Highblood stands, awaiting you.

"hello, young descendant.

WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG?"

== You hold your head down, you know you were perfectly on time, but disagreeing with your ancestor got you lashings in the past. You did not wish to have them again.

"i'm motherfuckin sorry.

YOUR RUSTBLOOD GOT IN MY WAY."

== Might as well blame Aradia.

"i'm sure she did.

I WILL HAVE HER PUNISHED IN THE MORNING.

but on that subject, gamzee."

== You lift your head to look at him, on the subject of rustbloods or punishing? You hope it is the first.

"you have reached a prime maturing state as a young subjugglator.

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GET YOUR OWN SLAVE, TO SERVE AND LIVE UNDER YOU.

for you to motherfuckin teach it where it belongs.

SO I HAVE GOTTEN ONE FOR YOU."

== You raise your eyebrows, you had not expected this. A slave? Did you want a slave? You didn't particularly like the idea of a rust helping you, even if it was forced to. The Grand Highblood gestures towards a young troll, who is currently chained to the wall.

"his name doesn't fuckin matter.

UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO."

== You nod.

"i'd rather have a motherfuckin name."

== He kicks the troll.

"INTRODUCE YOURSELF, PEASANT.

—

As the conversing goes on, you keep your head down. He was scared, and shaking. You wanted to go back to your hive. But, you couldn't. As soon as the Highbloods came for you, you were doomed from the start. You bit your lip.

Such hatred rang from their voices. Punishment? Enslavement? God, you had to spend the rest of your life like this didn't you? No, wait you had to fight. You had to. Like the Summoner… Wait…He was gone wasn't he? He left you here, all by yourself, to fend for yourself.

He said you needed to grow up. You needed be strong on your own. That's hard to do with such a terrible limp.

You yelp as the Highblood kicks you, lowering your head like a beaten puppy. Your cow-like ears twitch, and you look up a little bit at the two of them. Indigo eyes seemed to blaze with hate. Where you were from; this was the color of death.

You lick your ever so dry lips, then, slowly open your mouth to speak. The Subjugglator language was a bit hard to understand from your own native one. But you still understood once you stopped to think about what they were saying.

"m-mI NOM— i-i„, i MEAN„, m-mY N-NAME IS„,t-tAVROS H-HIGHBLOOD SIR„," You almost slipped up there for a second.

—

== You scoff at him, leaning down to his level and looking him in the eyes, glare hard and piercing. You heard him mutter in his rust words and it made you want to beat him. You probably could, now that you think about it.

"we're going to get rid of that fuckin accent. MAKE YOU FORGET THAT SHITTY LOWBLOOD LANGUAGE."

== You grab his chin, moving it up and inspecting him as if he's a new woofbeast. Then you grab his lips and open them with your fingers, looking at his teeth.

"not bad."

== You let go of them and look at his horns. They're disgusting and huge, spouting out horizontally. Horns aren't meant to do that.

"BUT NOT GOOD EITHER."

== You kick him, too, following your ancestor.

—

You tremble. Not a normal tremble, one meant to be hidden but had escaped. You nodded when he commanded you to forget your language. Even though…You knew deep down you would never forget it. Nor would you forget your slain lusus.

You shudder as you remember one of the soldiers ripping his wings and his horns off. The thought brought tears to your eyes. Oh God, no. No crying now. You almost flinch when he grabs your chin, but you keep what little bit of calm you have.

You let him inspect you, for if you weren't found fit, they would kill you on the spot. You had to pass this test, which would be simple for you because you are fairly healthy. He insults your horns, the words hurt more than the kick delivered to your side. You mutter "i'M SORRY," under your breath, even though you knew that wasn't your fault.

—

== You nod, going to the chains behind the rust blood. Tavros? Was that what he said his name was? You look at the chains. You know how to get them off, of course. You've given slaves to other brothers as they reached their maturing age. As soon as the chains come off, they normally run. And they normally die.

"motherfucker, if you want to keep your life, you're going to fuckin stay here when these come off."

== You grab his wrist, digging your claw into it lightly just to assure this fact, before taking that cuff off of it. You do the same to the other hand. Then you sit down in front of him, taking them off of his ankles. You don't expect him to run, he seems pretty terrified.

It kind of interests you.

A lot of rusts are fighters at this stage, crying, screaming, begging to just be let go, telling you they'll fucking kill you if they ever get out. This one seems submissive and calm. It's obviously a facade, he's not calm. He's freaking out on the inside, as a Subjugglator you must pick up on these feelings. It's interesting to see, nonetheless.

He isn't freaking out to save his own life, hopefully soon he won't freak out for the intent of pleasing you.

—

You knew very well running wouldn't be wise, as much as you want to. Plus, your limp is so bad…They would catch you with ease. You took deep breathes, trying to calm yourself .But they came out as shudders and trembles.

You nod at his words, trying to show your worth as a good listener now. They would be more likely to keep you around if you are. You know from the Summoner telling you this. Forever grateful for his teachings…You remember that one very unpleasant part of the beginning of this terrible ordeal you call slavery…

Branding. You gulp. God, that was going to burn. And it was going to hurt for a long while. As soon as you're free, you try your best not to lean or stumble on him, to keep your balance. You clear your throat, and look at him with a false sense of eagerness.

Waiting for orders.

—

"I'M LEAVING, MOTHERFUCKER."

== The Grand Highblood nods, not saying anything, and you grab Tavros's wrist, pulling him out of the room. There is silence as you shut the door behind you.

"motherfuckin meetings with him have to be so short and to the point all the time."

== This is when you notice his limp. It's holding him back slightly. You glare at his legs.

"DID THEY GIVE ME A MOTHERFUCKING DEFECTIVE RUST?" You hiss out, pushing Tavros against the wall and examining him again. "do i need to take you back to the nice subjugglators? TELL THEM THEY FUCKED UP WITH THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD'S ORDERS? or did he like you despite your motherfuckin fuck ups, pinche idiota?"

== You use his language, in a harsh snarl.

—

"n-nO„, n-nO„,i-i„,m-mI„, i MEAN„," You stutter like an idiot.

If you survived today, just today…Your chances of becoming free many years from now will grow. You just needed to make it through this. You lick your lips, and look down at your leg. It was like that because once you had fallen and broken it. It never healed right.

You couldn't look the Highblood in the eye, and you began to tear up. God, you really needed to grow up. To fight like a young rebel rust blood should…But, Summoner told you there was a time for fighting and a time for being wise. This was one of those times.

"i-i AM„,t-tHE SUMMONER'S DESCENDANT SIR„," You say.

That was all your worth, right there.

—

== Your eyebrows raise. You try to remember who the Summoner is, and then it all fits together. The horns and his shade of rust seemed so… Familiar. It figures. You laugh, laugh, laugh. You laugh until you can't laugh anymore.

"the motherfucker who ran a rebellion against the highbloods." You nod, gripping his nose ring between your fingers. "HOW'D THAT REALLY WORK OUT, HUH?"

== You pull him close to your face.

"now the descendant of his motherfuckin bad self is my slave. THE SLAVE OF THE DESCENDANT OF THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD. yes, motherfucker. that guy, that creepy ass man in there who everyone bows to, even motherfuckin me. HE'S MY ANCESTOR."

== Your eyes lock with his again, you know this freaks people out.

"so don't fuck up. :o)"

—

You bite at your lip again when he tugs on your nose ring. God, that hurt. You move every time he makes you. Be obedient, be patient. You just looked into his eyes. That color of death.

El indigo demonio.

You look down again. You could have guessed as much. They seemed very similar. You don't say a word. You didn't know if he even wanted you to say a thing, for if your tongue slipped, your life would soon follow.

You nod as he tells you not to mess up, your expression a pleading one. You didn't like having your ring tugged on, nor did you like being against this wall. But you kept your head down, because as of now, he was above you.

—

== You nod as he bows his head to you. He is a good slave.

"come."

== You lead him down the stairs carefully. Don't want to break your, limping, new slave on the first day. You have to see if he is capable of being yours. The first step to this is branding. You are going to brand him with your symbol, your own. You have a unique symbol that is only yours, so if he gets lost… Or runs… They can return him.

As you two reach your respiteblock, you shove him in.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MOTHERFUCKING HAVE TO DO NOW, RIGHT?"

== You make sure to shut the door behind you, and lock it. You walk over to your fire place and pick up the unused iron in the corner of your room. You were given this when you were very young, for this very moment.

—

You follow him, careful of the stairs. You too were warned of them. You walk behind him, keeping your head down. When you're shoved into the room, you gasp softly, looking to the corner where the fireplace was.

The iron looked terrifying to you. You listen carefully, your ears twitching. This leads the rings on them to jingle softly, and you nod your head. You understood. You had to make it through this…

Just make it through this.

"i-i UNDERSTAND„,h-hIGHBLOOD SIR„,"

—

== You put the iron into the fire, letting it heat up, then sit on the floor.

"do you like my motherfuckin respiteblock?

== It's good to note that there is no recuperacoon in your room, you gave it up after being born with an addiction to the sopor slime within it and had no lusus to stop you from doing so. Up until 6 sweeps you had eaten it, before the Grand Highblood had decided to step into your life.

Multiple lashings and beatings had turned you into the fine member of highblood society you were today.

—

You nod.

"i-iT'S NICE„," You mutter.

You keep your head down, and you didn't talk unless he spoke to you. You had to be good. You had to be calm, collected. Don't let him get the better of you…Yet let him think he's the smart one. You didn't even know his name did you?

You didn't bother asking. He would tell you when he was ready. You waited calmly, like a child about to be beaten by their parent for doing something wrong. Your heart felt as if it would be bursting out of your chest really soon.

—

== You nod, and the two of you sit in silence for a few minutes. It's a peaceful silence for you, the sound of the fire crackling in the background. It is probably tearing the other troll apart. That also calms you down. Then, you stand up, going over to the fire. You pull it out, staring at the bright orange iron with a smirk.

"COME HERE, MOTHERFUCKER."

== The Capricorn symbol has never looked so beautiful.

—

You nod, looking up for only a moment. Just a moment. Not much more than that. You take a step forward, keeping your head hung low.

"„,y-yES SIR„,"

You mutter this loud enough for him to hear, filled with nothing but respect. Just respect. You stumble to him, keeping your head down and away from his face. You lick your lips softly, one question lingering in your mind. Where was he going to put it? Where?

…On a side note, one that calmed you,

his symbol was utterly elegant.

—

== You observe him, wondering where it would be most effective for you to brand him. You decide on two places. You grab his wrist.

"motherfuckin here…"

== You press the hot iron to his skin, relishing in the hiss and the smell of burning flesh. You pull it away, examining the wound before moving around to the back of him.

"AND MOTHERFUCKING HERE."

== The iron sizzles against the back of Tavros's neck, and it's gorgeous and beautiful and nothing hurts. Nothing will ever hurt as long as the smell of burning flesh is in the air.

Fucking miracles.

You lied. This, is the most beautiful the Capricorn symbol has ever looked.

—

You shake softly when he grabs your wrist. Be brave…Be brave… Be br—

SHIT…

You scream, reaching to grab something, anything. Oh God that hurt, it burned. The worst kind of pain for you. You bite your lip so hard it begins to bleed, and you begin to tremble from the trauma. When he decides on another place, you can't help but groan in pure agony.

But when that iron hits your skin, God, that scream you let out. This was going to hurt for weeks. And these will be on you for the rest of your life. You whimper and tears begin to build in your eyes.

Damn it, you really needed to stop being a wuss. You wouldn't survive like this.

—

== His reactions are probably what put the icing on the cake. He screams, at the top of his lungs. It's the most he's shown emotion this entire time he's been with you. He's worn this fake mask and you just took it off.

It's beautiful. Motherfuckin' beautiful.

"calm the fuck down, motherfucker. I ONLY SCARRED YOU FOR LIFE. literally."

== You grab his wrist, the one you didn't brand.

"I SAID CALM DOWN."

—

You take one loud breath, a large inhale. Your lungs felt a bit tight. That was normal for something like this though. You calm down, still trembling, letting out little gasps and whimpers. A bit of blood dribbled down your chin, but you decide to ignore it.

You let your long mohawk cover one of your eyes as you look down, tears going down your cheek. You let out a small sob. You didn't move. Not at all. Not even to clean your face. Back to being hidden, back to waiting.

Your breath was still shaky. And it still hurt very badly. The thing that really hurt, though, was knowing that even if you did become free…

You would never be free of him. Never be free of his mark. A part of you will always belong to this troll, and you still did not know his name. Nor did you question anything still.

—

== You stare at his face, rust covers it. It's pretty much the most disgusting and arousing thing at the same time. You lean forward and lick the blood from his chin, your hands going up to wipe away at the tears.

"stop making yourself look so motherfuckin disgusting."

== You lock eyes with him.

"YOU'RE MINE, NOW." You reach out and move the mohawk out of his eyes. "you're gamzee motherfuckin makara's new rust."

—

Your teeth chatter together, finally looking up at him. You blink away some more tears, swallowing a lump in your throat. You didn't know if you were looking death in the face or not. It sure felt that way.

You just nod softly at his words, trying to find some comfort in them, though that was a hard process. You slowly let your head back down, the rings jingle again. You were going to take them out later… Unless of course he liked them.

But you didn't want him ripping them out of you. You flinch at the thought. Then, you nod at him. His name was Gamzee.

"y-yES SIR„,"

—

== Your hands trail up to his ear, as you start to notice the clinking. The jingling. The noise of metal hitting other metal. You move his ear a few times and nod.

"what the fuck is the point of these things, do you have a cultural motherfuckin reason or is it just a fashion choice?"

== Your other hand loops in his nose ring again, tugging on it, much lighter this time.

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF PUTTING A HOLE IN YOUR NOSE? ENLIGHTEN ME."

—

You take another deep breath, a softer one, and then look up at him with half lidded eyes. Your eyes were a soft rust, being only adolescent troll and all. You lick your lips, and you open your mouth to speak.

"i UH„,i-iT WAS„, a TEST i PUT MYSELF TOO„," You admit.

You wanted the piercings to prove that you were strong. To prove that you could be exactly what you looked like…a bull. You were even branded like one now. Maybe this will just make you stronger.

—

== You nod.

"so, it isn't just a rust thing? I HAVE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING SEEN THESE RINGS ON ONE TROLL. and that is motherfuckin you."

== You let go of the piercing.

"YOU LICK YOUR LIPS A LOT. is that a nervous fuckin habit? I WAS ALWAYS TOLD THAT DRIES YOUR LIPS OUT. ain't that just weirdest motherfuckin thing. I GOT BEAT FOR LICKING MY LIPS."

== Nobody really cares about the abuse highbloods go under. It's their disciplinary action. Things rusts would find despicable are just a normal daily occasion to those with more pure blood, more violent blood.

"so, what i'm tryin to say. STOP LICKING YOUR LIPS. i can beat someone for that now. AND HIS NAME IS TAVROS."

—

"„,i-i LIKE MY RINGS„," You didn't want to mention the ones that pierced your nipples.

That would be rather awkward.

When you hear that they beat him, you looked up at him showing concern. No wonder he was in such a bad mood like him…They abused him. That's terrible. Your eyes flashed with a slight sadness, but careful not to show pity. When he was stern with you, you flinched and nodded.

"yES SIR," Now you were trying to sound a bit stronger. You had to show that you had some grit in you somewhere.

—

"next point on the motherfuckin agenda."

== You lean in close.

"MY NAME. IS NOT. FUCKING. SIR." You growl out, as if he could know that being called that would trigger something in you at all. "gamzee. or master. one of the fuckin two. preferably the second until i get to know you better."

== You turn around, throwing the iron back into the fireplace. It's pointless to you, now that you have a slave. It's very rare that you'll have the opportunity to have another one. You weren't a sea dweller, after all.

"THINK YOU CAN DO THAT?"

—

You nod again with a quiet agreement. You wipe your face with your palm, and calmly wait for an order of some sorts. Though something began to hit you hard…Your old self was gone now.

Were you even still Tavros Nitram? You didn't feel like it. You felt drained all of a sudden… And your burns hurt and ached. You didn't say a word though. Not once did you complain. Your original symbol stayed in your mind.

You branded it into your mind. So when you left this awful place you can at least try to salvage what was left of who you used to be. You still didn't move. You just stood there and waited.

—

== You look at the slave's clothes. They are not fit to be worn in a highblood hive, not even by someone being forced to work here. You make your way over to your wardrobe, pulling it open. Everything you own will be too big for him, but if it gets him out of that disgusting garb it would be better.

You pull out a simple shirt, nothing fancy, with your symbol on it. You make a note to get him made clothes with his blood color and your symbol later on. You weren't expecting a slave. For now, he'll get the honor of wearing an indigo symbol.

"strip." You order, "just your upper half. DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING ELSE."

—

You try very hard not to lick your lips again. You watch him carefully as he moves about the room to his closet. He must not be happy with your clothing. You ears twitch at that command, and you reach up to take all your rings out so they wouldn't get caught by the fabric.

"y-yES MASTER„," You muttered, keeping your head down.

You let the garments slip off of you, more jingling. You turn brown with embarrassment. You reach to take those rings out too. You wondered if the highblood would take them…they were all pure gold. You didn't have an issue letting them go though.

Plus, what he wanted, he could get.

—

== You notice the nipple piercings, and raise an eyebrow.

"i want an explanation for those once you're dressed."

== You take the fallen clothes from the ground, throwing them into the fire. They're not needed anymore. Then you hold out your hand, for the rings.

"YOU GET THESE BACK AFTER YOU'RE DRESSED."

== You offer the shirt to him.

"it'll be big on you. YOU'RE NOT THE STRONGEST MOTHERFUCKER. but that's okay; YOU PROBABLY WILL LOOK BETTER THIS WAY."

== Its true, you're looking forward to seeing the slave in your clothes.

—

You nod, still keeping your head low. That's fine…Explaining. You hand him the rings with no question, not even an expression lingered on your face. Like you said, you didn't really care about them at all. You suppose having some new clothes would be nice.

When he said you weren't strong, you felt a bit insulted. Though, of course you didn't let it show. Also, you were sure he was right anyway. You take the shirt, and carefully pull over your head. You didn't want your horns ripping it.

You really didn't want to get beaten the first day here.

—

== Your slave pulls on your shirt, and you watch him carefully. He's struggling to get his shirt on without putting a tear into it. It's kind of funny, but irritating at the same time. You reach forward, grabbing the shirt and helping in pulling it over his horns.

"motherfuckin can't even get a shirt on. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP A SLAVE WHO CAN'T GET DRESSED PROPERLY?" You circle around him, inspecting the shirt on him. "look good like that, though."

== You didn't mean to let that slip, but it does. You blink for a second, before shrugging it off. He'd probably just take it as a side comment. If he didn't, that didn't matter either. He could take it any way he wanted.

You look at him; he looks like he's had better days.

== Step one to having a good slave, Stockholm syndrome.

"we should go get you something to motherfuckin eat. DID THEY NOT FEED YOU?"

—

"i-i'M SORRY„," You quietly apologize for your horns.

Though, you did love them. When you were growing up you were taught that you should be proud of them. Though now it just seems that your pride is being drained away from you. When he says you looked good, you grunted a bit in surprise, but then went quiet again.

When he asked you if you were hungry, you did not lie. You nod your head, slowly. They haven't fed you in a few days actually. You stomach was rumbling at the thought of food. It would be a bad idea to tell him you don't eat meat.

—

== You nod.

"you will get fed today and today only. AFTER THIS, YOU WILL BE FORCED TO MAKE MY MEALS FOR ME. you will only eat when and what i eat, and you will only make what i want you to make."

== You go to the door of your respiteblock, opening it. You throw your hand up, gesturing forward for him to catch up to you.

"YOU WILL ALSO WALK AT MY SIDE AT ALL TIMES UNLESS I HAVE A GRIP ON YOU. walking behind me gives a window for you to run. WALKING IN FRONT OF ME GIVES YOU AN HEIR OF BEING HIGHER THAN ME. i don't like either idea, so you will remain next to me.

== You stand, awaiting him to come next to you.

—

"y-yES MASTER„," You mutter again.

As long as you get fed, you suppose you won't complain, even if you do come face to face with meat. When he gestures for you to come along, you nod again. A false sense of equality? Fine.

You limp to him, looking down. Maybe he would get you a descent pair of leg braces. You stand by his side outside of the door, your expression dulled and emotionless. You had to void yourself of emotions from here on.

Though that's hard considering it was only natural to feel them. But if you have no emotions, you can't be broken. And you could survive. You'll get your emotions back another day.

—

== As the two of you walk the hallways to the main dining room, you come across the main foyer. It is filled with nobles who are expecting to see the Grand Highblood; they look at your rust as if he is a terror and a bug upon trollmanity's shoulder.

He is, and they have the perfect right to look at him like that.

But when one comes by, and pushes Tavros out of his way, you hiss angrily.

"YOU."

== The blue freezes in his tracks, and you can practically taste his fear. It's delicious. He turns around and looks at you, bowing his head.

"now, what the fuck was that for?"

"He is a rust, sir, I was just—"

"DID HE DO ANYTHING MOTHERFUCKING WRONG?" You press your hand against his chest.

"… existed."

"no, he did nothing motherfuckin wrong. YOU JUST ASSAULTED A SUBJUGGLATOR'S SLAVE FOR NO REASON. you better fuck the hell off."

== He nods, quickly turning around. You raise your hand.

"ZAHHAK."

== A huge troll comes by, nodding at you.

"have him killed."

== And then you continue to walk.

—

You look at your surroundings with awe and amazement. Everything in this area was painted with indigo, magenta, tyrian, and blue. There were paintings on the wall, paintings of the slain Signless. Paintings promoting the highbloods, showing Dualscar to the left, The Grand Subjugglator to the right, and the Empress in center of the ceiling.

You were so busy with your examining to notice the one troll coming to you, and bumping into your shoulder. You looked up and mutter and apology, then notice that everyone was shooting you glances of disgust. Then, you heard Gamzee's voice ring out.

He was defending you? Was this some sort of trick of some kind? You said nothing, you didn't speak. You wanted to tell Gamzee that it was okay, that he should leave the man alone, but you knew better. When he called over the big troll, you recognized him.

He was the one who brought you to the Grand Highblood for selection. The other trolls in the lineup were killed on the spot, but you were chosen to stay alive so you could serve Gamzee.

When he ordered the man killed your expression turned sorrowful for a second, then you looked back down. This was your fault. All of it. You didn't want anyone dying because of you. Because of your petty and selfish need to survive. But you suppose you'll deal with the guilt later. You continued to limp on with Gamzee.

—

== You enter the dining room, next. It's a large room and has multiple rows of elegant tables, draped over with tablecloths which intricate designs. They were hand-stitched with purple fabric and they were absolutely beautiful. You were completely used to this, and didn't really care.

This room had multiple stain-glass windows, decorated with pictures of the Grand Highblood. He was an arrogant fellow, who liked to see himself and his partners on the hemospectrum celebrated.

The Signless's stain glass window was the largest, though. It was simply the traditional picture that almost everyone in society had seen. The paintings in the foyer were nothing compared to it.

You lived well.

You didn't care.

"are you just going to gawk at everything, OR ARE WE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING EAT?"

—

You look up at him. No need to aggravate him. You stop your staring and look around at the table. You spotted a few other slaves with their Subjugglators, some looked a bit happier than others. You watch as one slave is thrown to the ground and screamed at.

Then, the owner beat her with some low class juggling clubs. Your express stayed blank still.

You then turn back to Gamzee, looking away from the scene.

"„,e-eATING SOUNDS NICE„," You mutter softly.

You didn't want to watch this.

—

== You smirk as you watch the slave get beaten. Motherfuckin deserved it, whatever she may have done. You shove him into the seat next to the event, smiling sweetly in a 'this is what'll happen to you if you fuck up.' kind of fashion.

Then, you turn to the highblood who is still beating the slave.

"watch him while i'm gone. IF HE MOTHERFUCKING MOVES, TURN YOUR CLUBS ON HIM. he needs to be broken in.

== You walk away, going to get some food for you and your rust.

—

You sit down, and give him a small nod again. You realize he didn't give you back your rings at this point. But that's fine. You just needed them back before the holes closed up of course.

You watch him walk away, then looked back at the other Subjugglator, then looked back down. No direct eye contact. That's for the best. You just examine the pattern on the table cloth. Such beauty.

—

== When you come back, you have large assortments of food piled onto a tray. Most of it is for yourself. You grabbed a few fruits, apples and pears and grapes, roasted cluckbeast, bread, cheese, and a bottle of wine.

You slam the tray down on the table, sitting across from Tavros. You nod at the other highblood, and she nods back. It's a mutual 'thank you' but without the words.

"i had no motherfuckin idea what to get you, so if you don't like any of this shit you don't get anything."

== You pop open the wine, pouring a glass for yourself but not for the troll across from you. Slaves don't get alcohol, even something as small as a glass of wine is prohibited.

—

"t-tHANK YOU MASTER„," You mutter softly.

You reach for the grapes and the bread. The apples looked very fine too. You rip off a small piece of the bread, putting it in your mouth. Ah, this reminded you of back at your hive. You missed it.

Even though it was small and in bad shape, you wanted to go back. You push that thought from your mind, and take a bit of the grapes. You usually ate a lot, but something tells you they won't let you eat beyond what is necessary for you to survive.

"„,a-aNYTHING YOU WANT TO T-TALK TO ME ABOUT? m-mASTER?" You mutter.

No need to stay quiet the whole time. That might provoke him. Though, it would be a while before you learned all his peeves and ticks.

—

== You nod, starting to eat. Finally he's starting to motherfucking talk.

"finally." You say, not really wanting to hold in the fact that you wanted him to talk way earlier. "i thought you'd never motherfuckin say anything but 'yes' or 'thank you.' or 'master'"

== You bring your glass to your lips, taking a small sip of the wine.

"THE RINGS ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING NIPPLES. i want an explanation, now."

== You reach into the pocket of your cloak, remembering the rings that you took from him earlier. You slide them across the table to him.

"IS IT A FUCKING SEXUAL THING?"

—

Oh God. Oh God. Did he really just ask that? You choke a bit on your grapes. Then you sigh in relief when you're actually able to keep them down. Your expression twists into an uncomfortable and awkward one before you speak.

"„,n-nO„,i-iT WAS LIKE THE OTHER RINGS„," You say, moving your finger tip against the rings on the table.

"i-i WAS TESTING MYSELF AGAIN„," A test of bravery against yourself.

You weren't exactly the most brave or confident rustblood. Your confidence was low. Lower than your own blood. You did this to test it…To see if it could grow. It worked for a while…As a matter of fact you still think it is working. Somehow.

—

== You laugh as he chokes. Definitely not a sexual thing. You didn't really think it would have been anyway. You just wanted to see him squirm. Show emotion, and now he was.

"i have done motherfuckin things to test my bravery before."

== Happiness on your face grows as you remember what you've done to get where you were before, you had to rip a slave's eyes out because they looked at you wrong. You were 6 sweeps when this happened. You've done far worse things now.

"GREAT MOTHERFUCKING THINGS."

== You nod.

"you must have shown some motherfuckin confidence for the Grand Highblood to actually want to keep you." You examine the troll, "I'M SURE THERE WERE MORE SUITABLE RUSTS."

== Then you shrug.

"unless he thought i needed someone to fuck, giving me someone so pathetic."

== Another thing to make him squirm.

—

You nod, and then sigh at his next statement. Yes, you know you weren't the pick of the liter. You really don't know why the Highblood picked you either. You guess it was some sort of odd revenge against the Summoner.

Maybe he thinks he will come to rescue you and continue playing blackrom games with him. But, he wasn't going to come and save you. He was right, you needed to grow up and be a man. So, you were on your own.

Plus, the Summoner and his army of animals fell back about a sweep ago. Maybe planning another rebellion.

That last part made you… Very concerned. You didn't really know how to take that one. You just swallowed that lump that developed in your throat and continued your meal a bit before responding.

"„,i DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY i'M HERE„,i GUESS„,i'M JUST HERE TO DO AS YOU SAY„,"

—

== You watch him eat for a few seconds, slightly intrigued on how rusts eat. Indigos do it so much more violently, ripping into the food. Maybe rusts did that too, and this was just a special case for Tavros.

You wouldn't doubt it.

"don't worry, motherfucker." You don't actually care if he worries or not, you just need to say something, "I'M NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU FOR NO REASON. that kind of action is so depraved. SO MOTHERFUCKING IMPROPER. even for an eviiil highblood like me."

== You throw your hands up in some kind of a jazz hand for that last statement.

== Subject change.

"TELL ME ABOUT YOUR LUSUS. who the fuck raised you?"

—

Oh…That struck a nerve… You looked down. Tinkerbull… He was gone. They ripped off his horns and wings… Tore out his eyes. You really didn't want to remember this. But, if you wanted to live you had to. You look up and exhale out of your mouth.

"m-mY LUSUS WAS„,a-a LITTLE BULL WITH WINGS„,b-bARELY THE SIZE OF MY HEAD„,"

You remember the games you used to play. Fiduspawn, tag. You remember he would make you the best salads. So sweet. You don't even really have anything to remember him by.

"„,w-wE WERE CLOSE,"

—

== You nod.

"you're motherfuckin lucky, rust." You look over at him, watching his expression closely. "I NEVER EVEN GOT TO KNOW MY LUSUS."

== You never knew him; he had left when you were younger. When you were around five and six sweeps, you used to think he was going to come back to you. If you just willed, begged to your messiahs, hoped, he would come back and everything would be okay.

He never did.

"raised my motherfuckin self until i was six. THEN THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD CAME AND DECIDED I NEEDED PROFESSIONAL MOTHERFUCKING HELP."

—

You didn't apologize. You didn't know how he would take you saying I'm sorry. You pick up another handful of grapes. That cluck beast looked so unappealing to you. But the bread was delightful. You actually give a slight smile, trying to be more…friendly you suppose.

Then you frowned again remembering that was a bad idea. Your burns were beginning to really hurt. Maybe you should ask him if he could…Maybe…put something on them? But, you didn't say that. Why? Because you didn't want him to think you were spoiled.

Or you didn't want him to think that you think you are spoiled. You were a slave. You would know your place. Until you get your freedom back…If you get your freedom back.

—

== You sigh as once again he doesn't reply, just reaches over and grabs more grapes. You grab his wrist, the burnt one, and squeeze it.

"you know, motherfucker, i'm not going to cull you for speaking. IN FACT, YOU'RE GOING TO GET CULLED MUCH FASTER IF YOU CONTINUE TO NOT SPEAK. tell me what's exactly on your motherfuckin mind."

== You lean forward on the table, glaring at him.

"SOME PEOPLE PREFER SILENT SLAVES, i'm not one of those trolls."

—

You blush a light brown when he grips your wrist, then you look at him with shock. You normally weren't very talkative anyway. But you suppose you can try. You lick your lips, and try to think of a subject to talk about.

"„,s-sO UHH„, hMM„„ t-tHOSE PAINTINGS ON THE WALL ARE BEAUTIFUL„,a-aND THE WINDOWS TOO, "

You were not going to lie. They were very beautiful. You wanted to get a closer look at them, but you supposed you were too low to even glance at them.

—

== You growl at him licking his lips, but don't comment on it. He's talking for once.

"the Grand Highblood is a motherfuckin powerful being" You make sure to refer to the Grand Highblood with respect, unlike the disrespectful low tone you normally speak, you say his name proudly. He is a good troll to call your ancestor.

"HE CAN MAKE EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN THIS ROOM BOW DOWN. so the paintings of him, of his companions and the other highbloods that he respects or that he's killed, THEY'RE JUST A SENSE OF HIS OWN GIGANTIC EGO."

== You look up at the windows, eyes fixating on the one with the candy red blood of the sufferer.

"i had a friend with that color blood, before."

—

You nod. You did too. You had no clue where he was right now though. They probably didn't like him very much around here though. Just like you should have been killed on the spot when they brought you here. But instead you were here with Gamzee.

Not that you actually minded. Okay at the moment you did. Maybe things would get better. Or maybe you were too hopeful.

"i-i DID TOO„," you finally say.

"„, uHH„, sO„, aNYTHING YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MASTER? yOU KNOW„,m-mY LIFE IS KIND OF DULL,"

—

"NO, MOTHERFUCKING WAIT."

== You slouch in your chair and stare at Tavros at eye level. Could he have known him..?

"there's only one motherfucker with that color blood that i have ever fuckin met. tell me his name."

—

You blink. Yes you remembered his name. He was the other one…The Summoner's other heir. You tap at the table lightly.

"h-hIS NAME WAS„,k-kARKAT„, kARKAT VANTAS„," You say.

He went off to fight in the Summoner's rebellion since he was older and more experienced than you. Also, your limp made you terrible at physical combat.

—

== Hooooooly shit. Yep, that was him.

"he was my motherfuckin moirail when i was motherfuckin six sweeps old, a lot of shit happened when i was six, obviously."

== You nod, biting your claw lightly, remembering.

"KEPT THIS MOTHERFUCKER FROM KILLING ALL OF THESE BITCHES. but then the Grand Highblood found out his blood color and exiled him from the motherfuckin kingdom and into rust territory. HE WANTED TO KILL HIM, but i couldn't let my ancestor kill my moirail."

== You laugh slightly, smirking at Tavros.

"SMALL WORLD."

—

"y-yEAH„ vERY SMALL„," You murmured.

All the grapes were gone. The bread too. You take a bite into one of the apples he got you. You supposed aside from the branding, it wasn't that bad. You really didn't have much else to talk about with him.

"„,s-sO„, dO YOU„, eNJOY ANYTHING OTHER SUBJUGGLATORS DON'T?" You wanted to know.

Maybe you both had something in common. You took a mental note to compliment his face paint, because you did like it.

—

== You raise your eyebrow.

"all sorts of motherfuckin things. I APPRECIATE ME A GOOD MOTHERFUCKING ALTERNIAN SLAM POETRY BATTLE. i also motherfuckin like painting on occasion. MOTHERFUCKING MURALS. i suppose that's a subjugglator thing, though"

== You wouldn't doubt it if Tavros has heard of the murals that subjugglators paint. They use the blood of their victims.

"I ACTUALLY USE REAL PAINT, THOUGH. don't kill enough to motherfuckin get enough blood for a mural. I'M NOT ALLOWED TO ANYMORE, SINCE I OVER DO IT. i'm only allowed out on motherfuckin moon rises."

—

Oh? You loved slam poetry too. You always have. But now you stick to singing and writing normal poetry. Though you don't think Gamzee would enjoy your poetry. You look down, tracing shapes against the table cloth.

"i-i LIKE POETRY TOO„," You muter.

Then you hear him talk of painting. You could have expected as much. You bet his paintings were wonderful. Subjugglators had talents for such things. You didn't have any wonder talents like that.

You were very used to those moon rise days. You stayed inside in an underground room, hidden well under somethings. You hated those days. Hearing the screams…You knew you would have to experience it firsthand one day.

—

== You're taken aback when he says he likes slam poetry. Rusts aren't normally used to old traditions such as that, but it is still a pleasant thing to hear. Most people actually aren't all into the idea of slamming. You watch him as he draws in the fabric of the table cloth with his finger, and your eyes fixate on his wrist.

It's starting to swell up; perhaps you should have cleaned it after the initial branding. He probably is hurting and just hasn't mentioned it. You shrug. If he asks for it, you'll clean it, but if he can't muster up that courage he doesn't get the treatment.

"you ever killed anyone, tavros?"

—

You stayed silent for a minute, looked down, then back up at him. No, you haven't. You couldn't. You never wanted to…and you would prefer not to. You look down, and remembered this man before you could turn you into a killer…very quickly.

"n-nEVER„," You mutter.

It's not like you could physically achieve such a thing anyway. You pick up your rings, putting them back into your ears and your nose. The nipple rings will have to come later.

—

== You smirk; you were going to break this troll so hard into your highblood society if it hurt him. You get up, walking around the table to where Tavros was sitting. You pull on his mohawk to make him stand.

"WE'RE MOTHERFUCKING DONE EATING."

== You make him look at you.

"it's time to play."

—

You watch him until he's behind you. And then you felt him grab and tug at your hair. You gasp, looked up at him, eyes wide. This was going to be bad. Very bad. But whatever it is, you were going to make it through it.

Him tugging at your hair was starting to hurt, but you said nothing. You just looked into his eyes before your ears go downward.

"„,y-yES MASTER„," You say silently.

You try to sound neutral.

—

== You pull him out of the dining room by his hair, then shove him into the middle of the foyer by himself. Then, you walk away from him, sit down, and watch.

A blue blood quickly comes up to scold him for not being with his master at all times. Calling him filthy names of all assortments.

You smirk and snap your fingers, Equius Zahhak coming up to you.

"seize the noble. IT'S TIME FOR A GAME."

== He nods, going up to the noble and tapping his shoulder. The blue jumps, turning around and seeing Equius. Then he's grabbed by both arms. You go back over to Tavros.

"you're going to kill someone higher than you."

== You stroke his chin.

"BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE SUCH A GREAT MASTER."

—

You hiss in pain as he tugs you along and you limp behind him. You have no time to admire anything on the way out. And now…he was pushing you forward in front of him. You were quickly greeted by a small flight of stairs, but you caught on the railing before continuing to walk down.

You look back at Gamzee with confusion, then you hear a loud voice scolding you and you turn to face it. A blue blood. Yelling at you, you open your mouth to say something, but he's so loud. Then suddenly, a bigger blue blood was behind him, holding his arms.

You blink, then look up at Gamzee. When you hear the command your eyes widen. K-Kill him? You couldn't. You wouldn't Even if you wanted to. What would you kill him with? You couldn't do it with your bare hands.

"m-mASTER i-i DON'T HAVE A-ANY UHH„,w-wEAPONS„,"

—

== You scoff; he thinks you're going to make him kill the blue blood right here, in front of everyone else. You laugh.

"motherfucker, i don't want his disgusting peasantblood on my floors." You glance at the floor, which is a beautiful black tile with both yours and the Grand Highblood's symbol in every other tile. "IT'D BE JUST FILTHY AND UNDESERVING OF ALL THE WORK THAT WENT INTO THEM."

== You start walking towards the door, into a hallway. Cocking a finger for Equius and Tavros to follow.

—

You just stare at him as he talks. You? Kill a blue blood? That will just make everyone around here hate you more. You look down and wrap your arms around yourself, slowly limping after Gamzee next to Equius's side.

On the way you stare at the tiles, thinking of random things to keep your mind off of this. Maybe when you go outside you will see some fruits and put together a salad for you and Gamzee. After all this is over.

If you were even alive after this. It's funny. He's about to put you through something like this and you're thinking of ways to be kind to him. You really need to grow a back bone and learn how to be angry.

—

== The four of you walk in silence, the blue blood practically shaking with each step. You hear him struggle and every so often you turn your head back to smirk at him. Then, Equius speaks.

"Highb100d, don't you think that perhaps allowing a rustb100d to kill someone so much higher on the hierarchy is a moral contradi%ion for everything we believe in?" He drones out, in that annoying voice.

Navy blue blood; it's probably the color you can't stand the most. It borders on highblood and nobility and throws everything out of wack. He is training to be an e%ecutioner, though, so he has to work under a blood color even higher than he.

"no. i don't think it matters at all." You say, honestly. "HE IS MY MOTHERFUCKING SLAVE, HE IS HIGHER THAN THIS BLUE BLOOD."

== Zahhak looks taken aback.

"But, he is so much lower—"

"and he is also mine. SO HE DOES WHAT I SAY. and you do what i say, got it, zahhak?

== You get to a door at the end of the hall, as Equius stops speaking. You open it and smirk.

"WELCOME TO THE ARMORY."

—

== You walk into the room, pretty much twirling around. You're not normally allowed in here. Ever. Most likely because of the weapons, the idea of what you could do with the weapons, it ends up… causing problems. Wonderful, miraculous problems in your eyes. Heartless murder problems in others.

"look at all the motherfuckin weapons. LOOK AT ALL THE SLAGHTER THAT COULD BE CAUSED. all the blood that could be spilled. SO. MOTHERFUCKING. BEAUTIFUL."

== Zahhak grabs your shoulder, and you wince. Fuck, he's strong.

"Highb100d, you must calm yourself or I will be forced to e%tract you from the room."

== You growl at him, grabbing a random sword off the wall and pointing it at his chest. "don't motherfuckin talk to me like that." You lower the sword, then look at your rust. His eyes are fixated on the lance section, and you smirk. It makes sense the bull troll and the descendant of the Summoner would be into jousting, didn't it?

"ZAHHAK, GET HIM ONE OF THOSE LANCES. the motherfuckin pretty one."

== Equius nods and lets go of the blue blood, throwing him to the ground. The noble knows if he runs he will be dead faster, so he stays on the floor. Not willing to turn down a request, he goes over to the lances, pulling down an elegant purple one with the sign of Capricorn on it.

!-[if gte vml 1] ![endif]-!-[if !vml]-

!-[endif]-

—

You stare at the lance. Both wonder and horror in your eyes. Your surprise he would allow you to touch a weapon so soon. The lance was beautiful, the noble color of death. You took the lance, looking down at it.

It's not like the one you had longed for since your youngling states. The wonderful black one the Summoner had had. That was the one you had wanted for ages. And that was still the most beautiful lance you've ever since…

But this one had its own flare and sense of power. But, you didn't really long to kill anyone with it. You look at Gamzee, then at Equius, then the blue blood, and then back down. There still would be bloodshed.

—

== You smirk as you watch him hold the weapon with awe. You never saw the point in lances; never really saw the point in any sharp weaponry. You glance at the sword in your hand, looking at the blue blood on the ground.

"motherfucker, you want a weapon?"

== He nods furiously, fear in his eyes. You can see him staring at the lance.

"TOO BAD."

== You take the sword and put it into your belt, pulling your cloak over it to conceal it. You're not allowed to have weapons normally, aside from your clubs. Why would you turn down the opportunity?

You go over to the fallen noble, gripping his hair and pulling him up.

"i never said it would be a duel. I JUST SAID MY SLAVE COULD KILL YOU."

== You hold his hands behind his back. You also keep that one hand in his hair and force him to stare at your rust.

"go ahead, tavros."

—

You look down at the lance. It looked mighty sharp. You look down at the slave with a sorry look on your face. You grit your teeth and begin to feel tears coming. But you wanted to shake them off…they still escaped you; a transparent brown, going down your cheek.

You limp forward, glancing at Gamzee again. Then back at the lance. You were shaking. Roughly trembling… But, you knew you had to. As selfish as this was…You had to kill him. Bring him to an end. He has to end for you to begin. Sacrifice one for many…you will redeem yourself.

If and when the Summoner comes back.

You raise the lance, grinding your teeth together again, this time you could hear them clack together. The lance shook in your grip, your body shook too. Your legs felt like jelly. You couldn't breathe right.

" Lo siento…" You mutter so low that only the blue blood could hear.

You jerk the lance forward, through his chest. You turn your head away as blood splattered on to you. On your face, your chest, your hands. You let out a loud sob. Blue was everywhere. I was on your body and in your mind. You shook and fell to the ground, burying your face into your hands.

And you cried.

—

== You watch as he actually impales the blue, and impales him good. He speaks his native language and you remember to scold him for that later, but for now you feel something else.

Were you proud?

Yes, you were proud. He had just killed in cold blood for you, for someone who had simply yelled at him. The blue blood looked absolutely terrified, as if he couldn't believe he was about to lose his life to a rustblood. But he did.

You make your way over to Tavros, settling next to him.

"the first kill is always the motherfucking hardest. THE SECOND IS EASIER BUT TEARS AT YOUR HEART. the third you start to drown out the fact it happened. THE FOURTH, IT STARTS TO GET FUN."

== You know this from personal experience.

"or at least, that's how it was for me. IT MAY TAKE A BIT LONGER FOR A RUST. my first kill was when i was a few sweeps old, though."

== You tug on his nose piercing lightly.

"GET UP; I THINK YOU NEED TO SLEEP."

—

Oh God. Oh God. What had you just done? Why…Why did you have to be so selfish? So intent on your own survival. You suddenly wanted to rip out your own eyes, and burn his symbol right off of you.

You look at your shaking hands, painted in blue. Blue. You look down at the corpse, breathing heavy and uneven. You gasp and sobbed, even as Gamzee talked to you. His way of comfort was…not really helping you. He was reassuring you this wouldn't be the last time. That you would…have to commit this crime again.

You feel him tug at your ring; you just look up at him with brown and blue stained cheeks. You stood, still trembling. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying hard not to fall back on to the ground and just…curl up and cry.

You weren't meant for this. You couldn't keep doing this. You couldn't. Oh God, you couldn't. You lean on the wall a bit, feeling sick. Your stomach churning. You wanted to vomit. Badly. You gag, and hold it back.

—

== You blink, he's crying, so much. You don't know how to handle it. You kind of want to reach out and punch him in the face and tell him to stop. You're smart enough to know that'd be a dumb idea, though.

You also kind of want to hold him close and whisper in his ugly rust hair that everything is going to be okay.

This thought unsettles you.

"we're leaving."

== You let go of his nose ring.

"ZAHHAK, STAY BACK AND CLEAN UP."

== Equius nods, moving to clean the body. You bite your lip lightly, looking back at your rust— the rust, not your rust. Why do you call him that? It's idiotic. He's still crying. Was he ever going to stop?

"you definitely need to sleep." You mutter. "COME ON, I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR LIVING QUARTERS. you can meet the Grand Highblood's slave, aradia, you'll be bunking with her. YOU CAN CRY OVER YOUR SLAVERY TOGETHER."

—

You nod, your sobbing becoming silent. You limp after him, keeping your arms around yourself. Everything was very dim now. Everything was slow. You stumble next to him, tears still falling down your cheek. Your lips quivering.

As soon as you were far enough from the door outside, you let the contents of your stomach free onto the ground. You gag, and after that, you cover your mouth with your hands and stare down at the ground with wide eyes. Then you shook your head, and walked on.

This time you held your stomach for it continued to churn. You were sick. You were evil. A murderer. You limp next to Gamzee, keeping your head lower than usual. Everything was blue. Everything. You were starting to hate the color.

—

== You shake your head as he empties his stomach. You're not going to beat him for it, you did just make him eat and then kill someone. Still, it was a waste of food. You'd scold him for that and speaking his native tongue later on when he wasn't looking so pitiful.

Damn it. Stupid rust.

You and he walk, side by side, and every so often you turn your head to look at him. The limping is starting to annoy you. You make a mental note to make Equius make him a brace.

"it's just around here."

== You turn to a door; it simply has the name 'Aradia' on it. You push open the door and her first reaction is to bow her head to you, then she sees Tavros. A sad reassuring smile goes on her face and she waves quickly. The Grand Highblood preferred silent slaves, so she did not speak much.

—

You look at Gamzee, wiping the tears from your face before stepping into the room with Aradia. Your eyes were half-lidded for now you were tired and just needed to rest your mind. You nod at her when she waves, then she shows you to your bed.

You turned around to look at Gamzee, your hair covering the one eye. You still look sick, pale. Drained. You put your head back down, and walk back over to him. You must be proper and say good night, and then you would go wash this bad taste out of your mouth.

"„,g-gOOD NIGHT, mASTER„," You muttered softly, void of any kind of emotion that wasn't blue.

You were really sick of the color, and the feeling. You then slowly limp to your bed and fall on to it, huddling into a ball and closing your eyes. You didn't even bother getting a pillow, you just lay there and trembled. You silently cry yourself to sleep.

This was the first of many harsh nights for you.

**End of Part I**


	2. Part II act I

== It was a very rare occurrence for a troll to ever be able to see a human if not in war. Both species knew the other existed, but they never coexisted. It wasn't something that occasionally happened either. They lived oceans away from each other, and whenever they came into the same room there would be death.

You were in charge of making sure this didn't happen this time. A knight from the Land of Heat and Clockwork was making his way over. You were to either decide if his land and people were those who the Subjugglators needed to go to war with, or if his pitiful species was worthy of a truce.

You made your way to the slave quarters; you needed to fetch your rust. Tavros Nitram had been your slave for about three months now, and you had begun to not really know how to function without him at your side. It was kind of pathetic how you had started to become so dependent on a slave.

If anyone asked, you wouldn't admit this to them.

You go into the slave quarters, slamming the door open behind you. Tavros is still asleep, and managed to sleep through the door being slammed open. He's been overworked and exhausted lately and you knew this, but you also didn't particularly care. You shake him hard.

"wake the fuck up, TODAY IS A VERY IMPORTANT DAY."

—

You groan softly at the shaking. Gamzee's voice rang in your ears, and they twitch. He was up earlier than usual. You stretch, cracking open one eye before closing it again and yawning. You then sit up, looking at him and rubbing your eyes. You stand up and begin to put your rings in and walk over to where your clothes are held.

"r-rEALLY? wHAT'S HAPPENING TODAY MASTER?"

Your voice has gotten less small over the months, talking a bit friendlier to Gamzee, but no one else. You pull your shirt on, and then a pair of pants over your under garments. You're wearing your nicest clothes, with the Capricorn symbol on the shoulders in your peanut butter brown.

You then tend to your hair a bit before turning to him with a soft expression, but not quite a smile. Gamzee got a little bit more polite around days like this, when guests were coming. Though it seemed this was Gamzee's guest, not the Grand Subjugglator's this time.

—

== You watch him get dressed with utmost interest, sitting on the floor.

Aradia looks at you, and you look back. You nod at her and she nods back, a mutual agreement that you didn't hate each other that day. There were some days where she would glare at you and you would get her beaten.

But lately, you were starting to not mind her presence.

You could tell she was starting to get restless locked up in the palace all the time, but you shrugged it off. Most slaves did.

You continue to observe Tavros messing with that mohawk of his before he turns to look at you, expression soft.

"it's your lucky motherfuckin day." You mutter, pulling him out of the small slave room by the back of his shirt. "YOU GET TO MEET A HUMAN KNIGHT. so i need you to help me prepare a few things. MOSTLY, NUMBER ONE. what the fuck do i wear to meet a human? DO THEY EVEN HAVE A SENSE OF HONOR AND ROYALTY?"

—

You blink. Well, he told you he was a knight. Knights were usually proper and such. But then again, you couldn't say that right away. You pull on your leg braces, hooking them into place. You were finally used to them. You stood and walked over to Gamzee.

The expression from before stayed the same as you waited for him to get off the ground. When he asked you to pick his garments you resisted the urge to roll you eyes. Yes, you would need to help him with that.

"w-wELL„,mAYBE THOSE NICE ROBES THAT THE MOTHER GRUB'S HANDLER GAVE YOU? " Kanaya's clothes were wonderful.

You need to look proper for any guest, even humans. Though you don't think they would be thrilled with the idea of slavery after what you have read about them. You calmly tuck your hands into your pockets.

—

"ah, yes, the jade blood's attire."

== Kanaya Maryam very rarely came around, but when she did she delivered clothes to the highblood palace, beautiful clothes. Mostly you didn't care about fashion, just wore whatever was recommended to you, but you were always interested to see what she would bring.

You stand up, looking at Tavros' leg braces with admiration. Equius could be a perfect smith if he wasn't so determined on becoming an executioner.

"LET'S MOTHERFUCKING GO, THEN."

== You grab him by the wrist, tugging him behind you to your respiteblock. You close the door, but you don't have to lock it. You know Tavros won't run.

"are you excited to meet this fuckin human?" You ask, making your way to your wardrobe.

—

"r-rIGHT," You stutter as he pulls you along.

He must be rather eager to meet this human. You were too. You've never seen a human in person. But you did rather enjoy their music and culture. Though humans and trolls actually did have similar musical taste, it was one of the only things they have in common with trolls.

When you got to Gamzee's respiteblock, you walked over, sitting on the bed. You watched him open his wardrobe and nod when he asked you that question.

"y-yEAH„,i'VE SORT OF ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET ONE,"

You did like cultural experiences. And also, it seems you will just be giving opinions on his clothes for now. At least until he asks you different. You sat and calmly awaited his orders, leaning back a bit against your palms.

Kanaya gave Gamzee wonderful clothes. You wonder why he didn't wear them more often. The silk of the mothergrub was rare and beautiful, and should really be taken advantage of. But you knew full well Gamzee didn't care.

—

== You nod at the comment.

"I HAVE TOO. their motherfuckin lack of horns interests me. HOW DID THEY EVEN SURVIVE THEIR TRIALS?"

== You pull out one of the robes that you had gotten the last time Maryam had come around, examining it for a few seconds and then putting it on. Kanaya had said it would make your eyes pop, you still don't know exactly what that means.

"do i pull it off?"

== You turn to Tavros to ask, twirling slightly and smirking. The robe kind of made you feel feminine. Like a sea dweller. A stronger, more powerful, less hideously ugly sea dweller.

—

You, being a well educated lowblood (lowbloods had no talents but their education. They were often the keepers of knowledge. The Summoner taught you well. ), knew the answer to this. You tap your fingers against the metal part on your braces.

"wELL„,t-tHEY DON'T HAVE TRIALS„, tHE ADULT HUMANS„,tHEY RAISE THEM„,tHEY HAVE NO LUSUS, "

You begin to explain crudely, the best you could. You stop when he asks you about his outfit and you nod slightly at him. Yes, he did look rather dashing in it, even if it did give him a more feminine look. Though, it did make him seem softer as well. Maybe he should look in a mirror to make sure he likes it?

"hMM„,w-wELL i LIKE IT g-gAMZEE„," You rarely called him that.

Only when you two were absolutely alone.

—

"they're raised by motherfuckin adults? I WAS RAISED BY A MOTHERFUCKING ADULT JUST AS AN ADOLESCENT. i don't even want to think about it happening my whole fuckin life."

== You scoff, you respected the Grand Highblood, but he was not someone you wanted to spend your wriggling days with or anything to that extent.

You make your way over to a mirror, examining yourself. You shake your head in disappointment. You liked the robe and you liked your hair, but together…

"IF I AM GOING TO ASSERT ANY SENSE OF DOMINANCE, i won't do it with long hair and a robe. CUT MY HAIR FOR ME, TAV."

== Sometimes when you were alone, you'd call him Tav instead of 'rust' or his full name. And you'd let him call you by your first name. You go into your drawer underneath the mirror, pulling out a pair of scissors and a comb. You go over to Tavros, giving him both tools.

"you're not going to assassinate me now, are you?"

—

You wondered for a second if he was serious or not. Both about cutting his hair and assassinating him. What would you have to gain from doing that? You take the scissors and the comb, and gesture for him to pull off his good robes. You didn't want them covered in hair.

You wondered about this, how he would look with shorter hair. I bet he wondered what you would look like without your mohawk. But, this style was just easier than you know… brushing around your horns all the time.

—

== You gesture for him to take off his good shirt off as well.

"i don't think either of us motherfuckers want to be covered in hair. WE'RE LIKE FUCKING WOOFBEASTS. takes forever to get highblood hair out."

== Highblood hair isn't actually any different than rust blood hair, but you can pretend. You slip the robe off your shoulders, and then after a few seconds of thinking, take the shirt you were wearing underneath it off too.

—

You sigh softly and remove your shirt. You just put it on too. You were a bit annoyed by this fact…and the fact that Gamzee's room was kind of cold. You fold it, setting it down someplace where hair wouldn't get to it along with Gamzee's robes.

You run your fingers through his thick, messy, dark (almost black) indigo hair. You pull a few strands, and then begin to cut into it. You remember when you used to do this for Karkat and the Summoner.

You weren't the best, but pretty decent. Sometimes you would do it for others for money. Gamzee's hair was nice and soft. But like stated before, very thick. It may take a while.

"yOU'RE H-HAIR IS THICK„,t-tHAT'S A GOOD THING„," You mutter.

"„,sO UHH„, hAVE YOU BEEN PAINTING LATELY gAMZEE?"

—

== You nod and let out a content breath at feeling your hair be touched and pulled on a bit before Tavros starts to cut it. It's a nice feeling, to let someone get this close to you, even if you had to demand him to, pretty much.

"yeah, my hair is motherfuckin thick. THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD WANTED ME TO HAVE HAIR LIKE HIM. motherfucker's going to be surprised when i step out with less hair. HAVE TO BE MY OWN MOTHERFUCKING SELF."

== You chuckle lightly at the next question.

"yeah, of course i have, motherfucker. GOT THE PAINT REAL SUBJUGGLATORS SHOULD USE ON THE LAST MOON RISE. starting to paint a motherfuckin mural for my dark carnival. HONK. honk."

—

This…Deeply saddens you actually. You frowned. You really didn't like what Gamzee does. What any Subjugglators do. But what say do you have in the matter? None. Unless the Summoner would return and start his rebellion again. You wondered if he would come and save you too.

If he has the time of course.

You let out a low sigh through your nose and tried to take your mind elsewhere. You cut and cut, until the hair on the back of his head is only about an inch and half long. You think you would give him short bangs to too.

"r-rIGHT„,i'VE JUST BEEN„,tALKING TO aRADIA„,i WRITE SOMETIMES„," You mutter.

Yes, you write. Sometimes music, sometimes poetry. It all depended on your mood or what had happen to you that day.

—

== You just mutter 'uh huh' when he talks about Aradia. You wonder how close they're getting. You shove that thought out of your mind almost immediately. Why does it matter to you if your slave gets close to another slave?

You lift your hand up, wiping away some stray hair on your back. He brings up writing and you remember the fact that he likes poetry, it makes sense.

"have you ever written about me?"

== This question just randomly popped into your head, you don't know why you decided to ask it out loud instead of thinking it, but you did. Oh well. At least now your curiosity will be stated.

—

You give a small laugh at this. Very small. You snip and comb away some more hair. Yes, you wrote about Gamzee often. You spend more time with him than anybody these days. Even more than Aradia.

"o-oF COURSE„,oFTEN„,wE SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER„,yOU KNOW?"

You also tend to write down what Gamzee likes and does not like. Bleak reminders of the fact that you will always just be that slave to him. You sigh softly at thought. You sort of wondered why you couldn't just be friends.

You brush some hair off his shoulders. All finished. You brush him off and look in the mirror with him, your hand on his shoulder.

"h-hOWS IT LOOK?"

—

"I WANT TO SEE THAT SHIT, SOMETIME." you nod. "enlighten me with your motherfuckin rust writing, IF IT INCLUDES THIS MOTHERFUCKER."

== You smile at him over your shoulder. You think you look great, but your pride is too big to just outwardly admit to a rustblood that he did a good job. You never thought you'd actually look good with short hair, after all the bullshit he got about growing his hair out from his ancestor.

Why didn't he ask Tavros to do this earlier?

"don't know, motherfucker, HOW DO YOU THINK I LOOK?"

== You reach up and run your hand through your hair.

—

You dust yourself off and listen as usual. Your ears twitch a bit in surprise of you asking about your writings. Though, they were all in Spanish. He won't be too thrilled about that. Maybe once you translate them you'll show him. You really have to be careful. Though the main reason you write in your language is so you won't forget it.

You wouldn't dare let Gamzee know that.

"o-oNE DAY„„" You say softly as a response.

You hear his second question, and you're not quite sure how to respond. You look like you think hard for a moment. Then you give him a small smile.

"w-wELL„,i-i LIKE IT„,y-yOU LOOK R-RATHER UHH„,hANDSOME„," Which was true.

Gamzee was pretty handsome you would admit, even when you had first met him.

You pull the hair out of the comb and put it in the trash; you then proceed to go fetch a broom to sweep the rest from the floor. When you came back, you swept it into a dust pan. You look up at him.

"uHHH„,w-wELL„,w-WHY IS THE HUMAN COMING HERE gAMZEE?"

—

== You lay back on the bed, looking at the ceiling.

"motherfuckin politics." You sigh, "A SUBJUGGLATOR FROM THIS KINGDOM WENT INTO THEIRS, and killed a shitload of motherfuckin humans before they could kill him. NOW HIS PEOPLE WANT TO START A WAR. he's coming over to try and prevent that."

== Your rest your arm over your eyes, just absentmindedly ranting to yourself.

"MOTHERFUCKER IS PROBABLY GOING TO TRY AND CONVINCE ME TROLLS ARE ALL HORRIBLE BEINGS that all we're going to do, is kill people for no motherfuckin reason. I HAVEN'T EVEN BEATEN MY SLAVE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE."

== You sit up and stare at him after saying this.

"but another goddamn war is going to break out, BECAUSE OF AN IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING TROLL who decided moon rise laws still worked in Human Territory."

== You shrug.

"THAT'S WHY. that's why a human is coming up here."

—

You listen as attentively as you ever have. That sounds…terrible. The Subjugglators must think they run the whole planet. But…they don't. They really don't know their limits…well most of them. It appears Gamzee knew this. Though he wouldn't expect any less…He seemed more intelligent than most.

When he mentions never having you beaten, your heart jumps and races. Yes, you have managed to avoid them up to now. You were obedient, and accepted your slavery as well.

It wasn't until now you notice he was staring at you. And you were staring at him. You blink, then turn away, looking down. You were always scared of making eye contact with him. Though, you were more scared of looking into them and not finding a murderer.

That utterly terrified you.

"w-wELL," You say, "tHIS W-WILL DEFIANTLY BE INTERESTING„,"

—

== You briefly wonder to yourself how long it'll be before your rust can actually look at you without flinching away after a few minutes. You stand up, pulling your shirt and your robe back on, gesturing for your slave to do the same.

"he will be here within the next hour. YOU NEED TO GET WITH THE OTHER SLAVES AND CLEAN THE DINING AREA. i will accompany you, since i am in charge of this whole ordeal, I GET TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS TIP TOP."

== You remember the first time you took Tavros to the dining area. It ended up with him killing a blue blood for you, which was the first of a few murders. You hadn't made him kill too many people, the aftermath of it was always the same.

Tears, regret, and ineffective work the next day.

You notice Aradia in the room. When did she get here?

"you too, aradia. PUT ON YOUR BEST MOTHERFUCKING CLOTHES."

—

You nod and pull your shirt back on (with some normal difficulties) and remind yourself to start wearing button ups. You look at Aradia (you had brought her in so she could help you sweep and get rid of the hair) and you give her a polite smile. She smiles a little bit back and heads out of the room to dress herself.

You wash your hands and follow Gamzee out of the room, moving so that you were next to him as you walked. The false sense of being equal always sort of racked at your brain. You always push it to the back of your mind though. You swear Gamzee was taunting you in some way, shape, or form by doing this.

"d-dON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING„,wE'LL ALL TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT MASTER," You reassured Gamzee nothing would go wrong.

You had no intention of starting any war. One just ended a sweep ago, and you were tired of them. You were pretty sure other trolls were too. Plus, the moonrise events still went on even during wars.

The Subjugglators needed their blood, as always.

—

== You nod in agreement at his reassuring words, but frown at the name. You're in the hallway, now, so he is going to be calling you master again. You kind of liked it when he called you Gamzee.

There was no realism in his statement, though.

"i wish i could say everything was going to motherfuckin work out. BUT THE HONESTY IS, TROLLS AND HUMANS DON'T GET ALONG. i'm going to be real and say the Land of Heat and Clockwork and the Land of Mirth and Tents, WILL MOST LIKELY BE MASSACRING EACH OTHER WITHIN THE NEXT SWEEP."

== Your hands run through your new short hair, then you reach over and ruffle Tavros'

"but it's good to think motherfuckin positive. YOU PROBABLY STILL THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET FREE, at some point in your life."

—

The Land of Heat and Clockwork? You've read about that. It is said that there and the Land of Quartz and Melody were places where time was created. Though thanks to the Subjugglators, The Land of Quartz and Melody was destroyed, all the quartz stolen and the music stopped. Their queen, the Handmaid, later became Grand Highblood's slave.

This is why Aradia was here. Now the Land of Heat and Clockwork only remained to produce time…if that legend is true. This may be why trolls switched from years to sweeps long ago. Time doesn't flow right without that land. It flows much slower since there are no longer two lands producing time. But, of course that's just a silly myth.

Though, you have heard people from the Land of Heat and Clockwork have the temporal powers. And they need them in such a dangerous place. Their homes and businesses are in buildings made from cogs, and settled on lava. The very thought made you curious as to how life goes on.

You really hoped and prayed this war wouldn't break out. The trolls are already at war with each other, no need to be at war with humans too. When he touches you hair, you flinch only a little this time.

You supposed you were getting used to it. You blink at his last statement, and look away. You didn't want to talk about your freedom. Ever. It's a sore subject for you. But if Gamzee wants to speak of it you have no choice in the matter of listening.

"„,i-i DON'T THINK THAT„," That's half a lie, half the truth.

—

== You shake your head, laughing slightly. You start to think to yourself here, were you going to let Tavros go? You didn't keep him with you because he was a bad slave and needed discipline. It was quite the absolute opposite; you kept him around because he was a great slave.

Secretly, deep down, you know he didn't mind serving under you. That's what you liked the best. He was terrified of you, and knew if he stepped out of line there'd be consequences. He knew that he was serving under someone completely murderous.

Yet, you think secretly, you two are kind of friends, in a way.

You two make your way into the main foyer, which has been decorated with red for the special occasion. Red is a color that normally never touches Highblood Territory unless it's a mural of The Sufferer, so it was kind of bewildering and awe-inspiring even to you.

You nod at Zahhak on the way to the dining hall, and he nods back. Aradia Megido catches up behind you and Tavros and you see her wave to him with a small smile, even saying "hell0."

It's a sight to be documented, this moment.

You push your way into the dining hall, which has about ten to fifteen slaves already in it. A few of them have their masters with them, but not many. They are busy tending to other more important matters to meeting the Human Knight.

—

You glance at Equius and Aradia out the corner of your eye. You smile when Gamzee isn't looking, then walk on.

You were kind of…excited. Even though you would be cleaning for a while, everything around here looked nice. Everything draped in red. Not a candy red like The Sufferer's or a Maroon like the Handmaid's, but…A crimson? If you could call it that.

You knew full well that was the color of the Land of Heat and Clockwork. You look at Gamzee, awaiting orders. There was a low chatter in the dining room. The Grand Highblood was not yet here.

Though he may not show up at all if Gamzee is in fact running this show. The Grand Highblood usually had other things going on if he assigned work to Gamzee.

—

== You look around the room, before stepping on a chair and then stepping onto the table. One of the slaves looks at you in shock for a few seconds, before you kick them in the face. This silences half of them, but it isn't until you clear your throat that all of the room is staring at you.

"now, rustblooded motherfuckers." You glance at a greenblood who has been branded, "AND PEASANTBLOOD TREASONISTS. you need to motherfuckin understand how important it is that you do not fuck up."

== You pace around on top of the table.

"TODAY IS A VERY MOTHERFUCKING IMPORTANT DAY. i need to decide whether this kingdom goes to war, OR IF WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A TRUCE WITH MONOCOLORED MOTHERFUCKERS. motherfuckers with only one set of blood colors that do not understand how much lower you fuckers are. MEANING YOU SLAVES NEED TO MOTHERFUCKING ACT RESPECTABLE, DESPITE YOUR HIDEOUS NATURE."

== The masters in the room look a little miffed that you're bossing their slaves around, but they don't speak up.

"dave motherfuckin strider, THAT'S THE NAME I WAS GIVEN. you will refer only to him as 'knight' or 'sir,' UNLESS GIVEN PERMISSION OTHERWISE. you will not speak unless spoken to. YOU WILL MAKE SURE THAT HE, AND WHATEVER HUMANS HE BRINGS WITH ARE SATISFIED. if he motherfuckin wants something, you will drop everything and serve."

== You shake your head, sighing.

"DON'T WANT TO MOTHERFUCKING GO INTO ANOTHER WAR. this kingdom has too many as of now. THE FATE OF OUR SOCIETY RESTS IN YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS. so get the fuck to work in cleaning this place. SLAVE WHOSE NOSE I BROKE, you better clean the shit out of this table cloth stained with your blood. OR I WILL HAVE YOU CULLED."

== You then jump off the table, making a loud land, and sitting down, looking at them all expectantly.

—

Oh. Gamzee's speeches are very uplifting. And by this you mean terrifying. You really didn't like the fact he kicked one of your friends in the face, but you said nothing. You didn't feel like getting yelled at again. But that's the worst that has happened to you, so you're thankful.

You glance out the palace window at the dark sky, noticing two lights in the distance. Headlights? You've only seen cars once or twice in your life. It was very rare in lowblood lands. Though, you had a feeling this was a car made by humans.

Was this the knight's steed?

Oh God, You just noticed, if that really was him…He's here early! That means you had to pick up the pace. Which, you did, you gesture for some of the other slaves to follow your lead.

You had a feeling Gamzee would not be too happy at all if he was here early. Cranky Gamzee makes for a harsh night for everyone.

—

== You notice a sudden jump in Tavros' speed, blinking. What the fuck just happened? He was a good slave, but even the most loyal slave wouldn't be this frantic about cleaning up a dining hall. You glance out the window as well.

shit.

SHIT.

You hiss and punch the table.

"alright, motherfuckers. THIS ASSHOLE DECIDED TO BE EARLY. so you fuckin work as fast and effectively as you motherfuckin can. ANY SLAVE FOUND SLACKING WILL BE MURDERED. murdered for treason and war crime. TAVROS, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."

You growl at some of the masters, as well. "you motherfuckin clean too. THIS IS MY KINGDOM, YOU DO WHAT I SAY."

== The highbloods in the room stare at you for a few seconds, shocked that they just got orders as well. You glare, hard. They quickly start to aid their slaves. You see a bit of amusement flash over some lowbloods, seeing their masters doing what they're normally forced to do.

—

You nod, handing your cleaning tools to one of the other Subjugglators and then running to Gamzee's side. You straighten your outfit, and made sure your braces were hidden under your pants. Yes, Gamzee was a bit upset now. Hopefully he won't insult the guest to his face.

You look at him, patiently awaiting his orders. You see the headlights fast approaching. This car was speeding. You heard it. The music was up insanely loud too. Maybe that wasn't him?

You look at Gamzee and your ears go down. Until you heard the car go by the window, then you hear the sound of tires screeching. You blink. The music coming for the car vibrated the ground lightly. Hey, that sounded pretty good though. You glance out the window, and then back at Gamzee again. Everyone stops working for only a moment to do the same.

—

"what the fuck are you looking at me for? GET TO WORK."

== You grab Tavros' wrist and pull him out of the dining hall. You are so mad right now. Actually, mad doesn't define it. Dave fucking Strider had already gotten on your nerves and you hadn't even seen his face yet. All you could hear was his stupid music and it was disturbing the peace.

"motherfucking. SON OF A BITCH. waste of motherfuckin oxygen…"

== You pull Tavros, practically yanking him, to the door of your palace. Tavros wasn't normally allowed near the front door, especially not outside the front gates, but you didn't care. You opened the door and tugged him with you, to the car of the guest. It was black, sleek, and had scratched records as a design.

It pissed you off.

—

Well, you were practically being dragged along. Oh, and going outside. How rare.

And Gamzee was already upset and wishing death upon the guest. Well, that was normal, you supposed. He was bruising your wrist a bit, but you said nothing at all.

You blink at the car. It was…rather beautiful. It was sleek, and covered in records, with dashes of red here and there. The low rumbling sound from the car stops. You hear the doors unlock and the jingle of keys. The door opens, and a foot made its way to the ground.

A man stepped out, seeming to be around your age, with a large pair of sunglasses over his eyes. He had white hair, and pale skin. Not the gray you were used to. He was covered in red, a metal record shaped shield strapped to each of his wrists, and a half a sword on his hip. It was broken. How odd.

You stepped over to the car, closing the door behind him. He glances at you, then at Gamzee. He raises his eyebrows for a second. You're sure he hasn't seen a troll before, so he's examining the two of you. Then he opened his mouth, and said one, simple word:

"sup."

—

== You watch as this human steps out of the car, first time you've ever seen one, and you honestly hope it's the last. He looks worse than you thought he would. No horns, soft looking pinkish skin, white hair.

And sunglasses.

In the middle of the night.

You only knew one other motherfucker who wore sunglasses all day, and that was Equius Zahhak. And that's because he was really motherfuckin weird and would wear broken sunglasses. Its' like every part of Zahhak was broken, pretty much.

Then he speaks.

It's disgustingly smooth, nonchalant, and improper. Something you don't expect from a knight trying to stop a war from breaking out.

"sup, that's all you can fuckin say?" You hiss. "YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKING HUMAN, RIGHT?"

== He just keeps his eyebrow cocked, giving you the once over. Then he looks at Tavros again, giving him a longer once over. What the fuck?

He shakes his head and says, with slight amusement, "no, north american hollering phallus baboon. came from my tree to say hello."

== You briefly wonder how long it would take for you to strangle him.

—

You stare at him. He seemed…different than you excepted for a human to look. You've seen diagrams of their bodies in the books you have read but…Never one with white hair like that unless it was an elder. You tilt your head at him a bit.

You notice he examines you, and your look away. You nervously shuffle behind Gamzee. The human notices and raises an eyebrow at you, before looking back at Gamzee and extending his hand to him.

"name's strider. dave strider." He says in a simple tone.

You just glance from him to Gamzee and back again. This was the Knight? You had to admit, his black 'chariot' was glorious but…He seemed so cocky. Like he didn't even care that he was here. Like he didn't care about any of this or the war. His attitude was just a…cool one.

—

== You shake the human's hand hard, not really wanting to converse with him at all. As you let go, you let your claws run against his skin to know you could hurt him if you wanted to. He pulls away, looking unaffected. Damnit. How could one person hold such a cool demeanor all the time?

"i know it is. i was informed of this in advance. I'M MOTHERFUCKING GAMZEE MAKARA. i'll be your fuckin political partner in this or whatever. WE'LL DISCUSS THE FAULTS AND THE BENEFITS OF GOING TO WAR. especially over something as idiotic as one motherfuckin troll."

Dave just shrugs. "who is the dude with the septum?"

== You're not quite sure what a septum is.

"THE WHAT?"

"the nose piercing, dumpass."

== Oh, Tavros. Why does he want to know who Tavros is?

"he's my motherfuckin slave. HE CAN INTRODUCE HIMSELF, IF HE WANTS."

—

You remain behind Gamzee for only a moment, before stepping from behind him. The human looked at you, hearing the mention of slavery his expression changed into an unhappy one. You took a deep breath, and you reached out your hand to him, smiling.

"i-i'M TAVROS, tAVROS NITRAM, sIR,"

You remember your manners. Remember what Gamzee told you. No need to already make him more ticked off than he already was. He took your hand, more eagerly then when he had taken Gamzee's. His hand lingered on yours for a moment, before softly pulling away.

He gave you a sly smile.

"nice to meet you nitram. hey makara, gonna invite me inside or do i have to sit here and freeze my ass off in this circus freak wilderness or what?"

Oh. He was kind of rude. You glance at Gamzee, then back at Dave. This probably wouldn't end very well at all. You glance at him, able to see his eyes a bit from the glasses. He was staring at you, you blush and turned away. You step behind Gamzee again. Awaiting orders.

—

== You watch the ordeal go down between your slave and this despicable human. Why did he hold onto his hand so long? Did he just motherfucking smile at him? Why, why was Tavros blushing? You growl.

Why did you care?

You turn yourself around and grab Tavros' wrist again, this time a little closer to his hand. Fuck. The. Police.

"so, about what motherfuckin happened—"

== He cuts you off.

"yeah, one of your people went and killed all of ours. as sweet as that is, mixing your culture with ours, we'd rather it not happen."

Hey, that sounded slightly business oriented.

"I AGREE. I DON'T WANT THAT SHIT TO HAPPEN EITHER. the moon rises are a completely cultural motherfuckin thing. THAT TROLL WAS ILLEGALLY GOING INTO ANOTHER KINGDOM'S TERRITORY AND KILLING."

You nod with a shrug, running your finger over Tavros' brand. He was yours. This mark proved it. You can feel his eyes on your hands from behind his sunglasses and you give yourself a mental thumbs up.

"yup."

== Your thumbs up goes back into two hands wrapped around Dave Strider's throat. Yup? Really?

—

When Gamzee grabs your wrist, you glance up at Dave then back down. The tension here was so thick that not even that broken blade on Dave's hip could cut it. You kept your head down and licked your lips, listening to him and Gamzee converse.

Both of them spoke with such arrogance. Though it seems Dave spoke with more. Gamzee was no fool though, nor was he one for foreigners. Subjugglators may be clowns…but… They're the scariest and deadliest kind.

If Gamzee was playing games, Dave would have been dead already. So he must be taking this very seriously. You can understand why he would be so flustered right now.

You tremble a bit when Gamzee runs his thumb over your brand. But you kept your head down. Even as you felt Dave's eyes bore into you. He was staring at you. For God knows why. The human speaks again:

"you know outside isn't the best fucking place to be dealing with this political shit. "

That's true. They should be conversing by themselves in the dining hall. But you said nothing. You had spoken enough tonight.

—

== You consider what he says for a few seconds, before nodding and pulling Tavros into the palace again. People clear out of the way as you enter, eyes wide and staring at the white haired human. The one with no horns. The monoblood.

"main motherfuckin dining hall." You mutter, trying to keep your voice level normal. Why couldn't you just kill this motherfucker? If all humans were like him, it would make sense to go to war with them.

"THAT'S WHERE WE'RE GOING TO DISCUSS ALL THIS BULLSHIT. it's decked up all pretty for your disgusting self."

Every word was dripping with venom. You hated foreigners. You hated motherfucking humans. You hated Dave Strider.

"i don't know what you're talking about. clearly, i'm not the disgusting one here."

== You dig your claws into Tavros' wrist, trying to hold yourself back.

—

This human really needed to learn how to hold his tongue. Has he heard nothing of the Subjugglators? Does he not know Gamzee could kill him without a single thought or regret? Was his arrogance and ignorance really that…Strong? He was a defiant one, starting a battle he cannot win.

The tension lingered on. You felt Gamzee's claws, you bite back a whimper. You move your hand so his is in yours, running your thumb over the back of his hand. He just needed to make it through the next week and a half with this human and nothing else. That's all. Then he can be free of him.

"you know that's really disgusting?" Dave's voice suddenly rang out through the halls, he glances at you.

"the fact that you keep fucking slaves."

Your grip on Gamzee's hand tightens. You really wished this human would stop speaking and know his limits.

—

== Tavros grabs your hand, and you feel your heart leap in your chest. You ignore it, entangling your fingers with his. You're a Subjugglator and he's a slave, you're not a teenage girl with the star of a motherfuckin football team.

You start to calm down, if just a little bit.

Then he speaks again.

Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay. Calm.

"FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER."

== You punch him in the face with all the force you can muster. People in the room let out a collective gasp as Dave hits the ground with a loud smack.

That was not motherfucking calm. You actually have a bit of a mental freak out. Great first impression, dumbass. You're going to lead your kingdom into war.

He stands up, letting out a slight chuckle. "looks like i hit a nerve there. nitram, do you honestly like this guy?"

—

Oh. He addressed you. Your ears go down, the rings in them jingle. You look down, not wanting to say anything in response. You didn't exactly hate it…You just…missed being free. And…you kind of liked Gamzee…like he was your friend. You talk to him and he listens most of time. And he's very talented…and…

"come on nitram, answer."

You bit your lip and turned away, pressing your shoulder to Gamzee's back. You kept a grip on his hand, and just look to the floor. You were going to say nothing unless Gamzee ordered you to. The Human scoffed, standing to his feet.

He shook off Gamzee's punch with a smug smile. Then, his expression was blank again.

—

== You watch Tavros carefully to see his answer to this. You're actually legitimately curious, but you don't want to see him talk to Dave any more than he has to. You watch him hide behind you, smiling slightly. Good boy.

Then you realize he's ignoring the Knight, and you feel a lot less proud. You sigh. Unbelievable assholes like this motherfucker should never be allowed to hold power.

"TAVROS, MOTHERFUCKING ANSWER HIM."

== You reluctantly say, not really wanting him to, but thinking it'd probably be the best at this time. You mutter, "i don't motherfuckin want you to, but i just decked the guy keeping us from going to war in the face."

== Stupid, stupid, stupid.

—

You stayed quiet for a moment, looking in absolute deep thought. You…oh God why did people pressure you like this! Well…Gamzee pressured you a lot but, now you have this Knight doing it too. You kept your head and ears down. And you gave a long and hard sigh.

"„,i-i„,i MEAN„, i THINK„," then you sigh in utter defeat "i-i DON'T KNOW, i-iT DEPENDS i GUESS„,"

You look away from the gazing eyes from everyone in the room. It wasn't normal for a slave to be asked their opinion, let alone, their opinion on this. Some of the other slave's chattered silently to each other. Even the other Subjugglators muttered some things around.

You close your eyes. Tired of all these people staring at you, you again retreat behind Gamzee with a frustrated groan.

—

== A pretty good answer. You shrug. You didn't expect him to enjoy you all the time. You knew he didn't like you all of the time. You didn't like the chatter going on in the room, though. Some people didn't like this answer; some people were shocked he was allowed to give an answer at all.

You glare at some of the slaves who are talking within themselves and they shut up fast with a terrified look on their face, giving away the fact that they're talking about you. Fast is an understatement, actually. They shut up instantly.

"LET'S GET THE FUCK TO THE DINING HALL. fuckin better be clean or i'm culling everyone in there."

== You pull Tavros with you, back over to the dining hall. Before you reach the door, Dave starts to speak again. You let out a groan.

"so, this slavery thing."

"STOP MOTHERFUCKING TALKING." You turn and scowl hard at Dave Strider. He doesn't look afraid, at all. He just shrugs as if this is an everyday thing.

"look, you're not making me want to keep this hellhole running with all this yelling. calm it down a notch, take a chill pill."

== What the fuck kind of statement is that?

—

You sighed. It was like you were the toy between two children. This Knight had only been here for about what…15 minutes? And he had already been punched in the face and arguing with Gamzee. But you just walked along behind your master, never uttering a word unless asked to.

As you walked into the now crimson dining hall, the tension grew and grew. The Knight's eyes still on you. When you hear him speak of slavery again, Gamzee stops in his tracks and turns to yell at him. You sigh.

Dave says something witty in return. How rude. He was a guest. If you could tell him to stop you would. But of course, he kept his human mouth wide open. He was a very open guy about his opinions it seemed.

—

== The whole room turns to stare at you, eyes focusing on the human. You'd prefer to not speak to any of them, so you bat them away with your hand. The whole room seems to move out of your way, and you nod in slight admiration to their ability to understand. It's good to be king.

Dave looks at you and cocks an eyebrow, "so, they actually listen to you." It's more a statement than a question.

== You nod.

"I MOTHERFUCKING RULE THEM ALL. they listen to what i say, when i say it."

== The room lets out quiet noises of agreement, almost afraid of not speaking up.

"seems like you have them all freaked out."

"THAT'S HOW YOU RULE, motherfuckin strider."

—

You expression was suddenly very serious. You didn't have time to be worrying about this. You walk by Gamzee and sit down instead of letting him drag you around. You had to show the other Subjugglators that you were superior to what they had.

You gesture for Dave to have a seat, pulling his chair out for him and bowing a bit. You actually enjoyed this part of being a slave. No matter how ignorant the company seemed. He winked at you as he took a seat, and you turn a light shade of brown again.

"heh" He scoffed. "how hard did you have to beat him for him to be this good"

You turn your head away from him. Dave may not make it through the week and half you heard he was suppose to say. You calmly take a seat in your chair aside Gamzee, smaller and less extravagant of course.

—

== You nod as you sit down. Tavros was a good slave, remembering to pull out the chairs and be polite and serious about all this. You were surprised he hadn't hit both you and Dave at this point for acting like children. But this fucking human started it.

Then he asks how hard you had to beat him.

"i never had to touch a motherfuckin hair on his head." You snarl at him. "HE'S A GREAT MOTHERFUCKING SLAVE, just all by himself." You realize you just said that in front of Subjugglators. "FOR A RUST, OF COURSE."

"the fuck is a rust"

"HIS BLOOD COLOR IS BROWN, MAKING HIM A RUST BLOOD." You say, as if this is the most obvious thing in the world.

"so you discriminate based on blood color."

"I SUPPOSE YOU COULD PUT IT THAT WAY."

"again, and i'm the disgusting one."

—

You close your eyes and sigh. Well, nothing you can do about this. You just sat and sighed. You really just wanted to lean your elbow on the table, but you knew better. Why you? Why now? This really wasn't fair.

You clear you throat, an invitation for you to speak. Usually not to ask questions, but for casual talk with guest. But Gamzee may not like you talking to the human. Though, Dave seemed very eager to be talking to you.

You were slightly flattered by the idea, but at the same time…You kind of wanted nothing to do with him. Why? Because Gamzee was already on edge. But, you still had questions to ask him, about where he's from and the culture there.

You've always wondered how humans can live in a land made from lava and steel cogs.

—

== You and Dave are in the middle of a pretty heated argument by the time Tavros clears his throat. And by heated argument, you mean you yelling at Dave while Dave replies with something cocky and witty and almost unbelievably annoying. When the rust does draw attention to himself, both of you go silent.

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING?" You raise an eyebrow. "we're discussing business."

== This gets a slight chuckle out of Dave.

"he obviously wants to talk to me. look at those pleading, terrifying yellow eyes."

== You glance over at Tavros; he's looking at Dave with genuine curiosity. Like he wants to ask something but he can't.

"FINE."

—

You blink for a moment, then look down.

"w-wELL IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SPEAK MASTER„,i T-THINK i CAN HOLD OFF ON MY QUESTIONS„," You mutter.

Plus, whatever they were talking about seemed much more important. Actually, you kind of wanted to leave the room at this point. You rack your leg braces together a bit, they make a noise. Even hidden under your pants they seemed to rattle quite a bit.

You went back to being quiet and watching the others carefully. Feeling eyes linger on you. You look down. You're not sure if it was Gamzee or Dave this time. But Dave has been giving you those funny looks since he's got here. You also wondered where the human was to sleep tonight…

You hope the Grand Highblood wasn't going to be here. Because if so… Things won't go well if he sees Gamzee and Dave bickering.

—

== You roll your eyes. You just said he could motherfucking talk.

"just speak, motherfucker."

== You're kind of curious on what questions he could possibly ask. It took you forever to get him to talk to you, and then this human comes along and Tavros decides he's going to question him. Why the fuck is he so great? You notice Tavros looking down and you hiss.

"I SAID MOTHERFUCKING TALK."

—

Your ears flick at that tone. You look up, and clear your throat.

"m-mY APOLOGIES„," You mutter.

You turn to Dave, looking at him with keen eyes, examining. He seems to be doing the exact same to you. You blink, and decide to ask about his hair.

"w-wHY IS YOUR HAIR WHITE SIR?"

"why are you horns huge?"

You pout. Okay, that wasn't funny. At least you had horns.

—

== You stare at them conversing, and then Dave insults, or maybe just commented in a bad tone, on Tavros' horns. You had gotten quite used to them, over the past few months. In fact, you might go as far as to say you liked them if not for your pride. You had seen him knock shit over with them and then fret, or hit someone in the face and then fret, or do anything and then fret about it.

It was like, endless entertainment coming from his head.

The most problems you had were going through doors, with the ceiling being lowered for that. Even then, most of the doors in the castle were high arched anyway.

He had no right to mock your slave.

"is that all you wanted to ask?"

—

You sigh. You didn't have any of your books or journals with you. Which means…You couldn't record any information unless Gamzee sent you back to your quarters to fetch them. You nod, making a mental note to ask Dave questions at a later time.

Now, on to the uncomfortable dinner service and a very long week for you and Gamzee. And your oh so wonderful guest. Wasn't this just all so perfect?

"y-yEAH„,tHAT'S ALL FOR NOW,"

—

"fine then, LET'S GET TO MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS."

== You both proceeded to have the worst business talk in paradox history.


	3. Part II act II

== It had been the longest week and a half of your life, and you had once been locked in your respiteblock for half a sweep. This was it, the final party. The final day you ever had to see the Knight, Dave Strider.

This is the day that he would decide whether you would go to war or not.

You two had not gotten off on the right foot. You had actually gotten off on the wrong foot, and the left foot. The human couldn't stand the ideas of slavery still being a thing that was around, and didn't understand even a little bit the concept of blood caste. He didn't comprehend it and would constantly bring it up as a reason to as why your kingdom had to be taken down.

You couldn't stand anything about him. You hated him in the most platonic way possible, you wanted him gone. His morals were all fucked up and strict, he acted as if killing someone was a huge deal. When he found out that Tavros had killed, he had just stared and told you that you were lying.

On the subject of Tavros, he was too fucking attentive to him. He and Tavros had become friends somehow. You thought it was mostly pity, hopefully not the romantic kind, for the fact that he was a slave. You had once found him, Aradia, and Tavros hanging out in the slave quarters. A powerful knight of LOHAC was hanging out with two rusts. Two slaves.

Willingly.

It was starting to piss you off beyond belief. You were so glad he was finally going to get the fuck out of your palace.

You push your way into the slave quarters again. You had told Tavros to get ready about five minutes prior before stepping out to check on a few things.

"motherfucker, you ready? IT'S TIME FOR THAT DOUCHEBAG TO GET THE FUCK OUT."

== You go over to him and throw an arm over his shoulder, smiling the most genuine smile you had probably ever shown him.

—

Well, you had to admit, Dave wasn't as ignorant or as cocky as at the beginning of his stay here. He was noble and even cockier. But it seems after his first day here, things go rougher and smoother at random times, especially for you and Aradia.

He would stop by and talk too. He'd ask about your lives in the past before this happened. Though, Aradia had no real life. The thought made him really upset personally. He would hug you and her. But it always seemed he would hold you closer.

He would recite slam poetry to you. Or as the humans called it, rap. Sometimes he would wink and touch your nose or do something flirtatious like that. You felt very close to him, but not in that way. What you were feeling was very pale.

But what he was feeling was very red. But it seemed like such a big joke. You've only known each other for such a short time, even if you did return the feelings you would never engage. He seemed like a fast one, Strider.

Yesterday, he took you out to get a new suit. Just for today. It was much to Gamzee's annoyance. He told you that he wanted to talk with you during or after the party. Not anyone else, just you. He told you not to tell Gamzee. And you promised for some stupid reason.

And now you were here, dressed in your new suit. It was a lot like his, a little record over your heart. Your pants legs covered your leg braces. You straighten your tie. It was all red and black. When Gamzee put an arm around you, you glance at him with a lazy smile of your own.

"y-yEAH„,i THINK i'M READY," You sighed.

You had this feeling in your chest. But you weren't sure what it was.

"yOU LOOK NICE gAMZEE,"

—

== You lean forward and run your hand through his hair, not ruffling it, just running your hand through it, and then you look down at yourself. You're wearing the last of the outfits Kanaya gave you, a suit as well. This business party would be quite a formal one, not a hair was meant to be out of place. Your hair hadn't begun to grow quite yet, so that wasn't too hard to maintain.

You then look at him. Shit.

"yeah, you too."

== You weren't going to lie. He looked good. He looked better than good. He looked better in that suit than Dave would, that's for sure.

Normally most of the outfits Tavros wore were poor, not because Gamzee couldn't afford to dress him better, but because lower-class outfits made it more clear that he was a slave.

Yet you and most others had to admit, he looked pretty damn good dressed up like that.

But it didn't have your symbol on it. That bothered you greatly. It had the broken record on it.

"BUT THAT SUIT, AS GOOD AS IT LOOKS… you have to get rid of it after tonight." You press your finger against the record. "FOR THAT VERY REASON."

== You shrug; it's not like you didn't want to see him dressed up, though. It looked really good. Really good.

"i'll buy you another fuckin suit in exchange, I KIND OF SEE WHY SEADWELLERS DRESS THEIR SLAVES UP NOW."

—

Always with the damn symbols. Well, at least he said he'll buy you a new one. Your smile went from lazy to warmhearted at that. Maybe things were starting to look up for you now, even though you still had this feeling in your chest.

"t-tHANKS gAMZEE, "

You turn around, you see Aradia putting in an earring Dave had gotten her. It was record themed of course. You were the only one who knew this but… Equius would be here for her after Gamzee was gone. Then they would dance here, leave and go to the party. You gave her a slight eyebrow wiggle when Gamzee wasn't looking.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. You think it was actually pretty sweet. Her and Equius. But it was sad at the same time. You hoped and prayed that they would get a happy ending…Like in the fairy tales your lusus would read to you almost every night.

But at the same time, you knew full well there's a chance that this ending won't be a happy one. You didn't let the sadness fall onto your face though. Even while thinking these thoughts.

You look at Gamzee and nod. A signal that you were ready to leave now.

—

== You laugh slightly at his smile; it was so rare to see that. It had been popping up a lot more lately. You grab his wrist and pull him along with you, making sure not to mess with his suit.

You slide your hand down into his, gripping it tightly. Despite all the bullshit that had happened in the last week, over everything that happened with Dave and all the business talk, there had been one positive.

You and Tavros had gotten pretty close.

"do you think he'll fuckin prevent us from going to war?"

== You ask, actually quite curious about Dave. Whatever happened tonight would change the course of everything. You weren't going to tell anyone, but you had a gut feeling that something was going to cause a war between LOHAC and LOTAM.

Deep down, despite how angry it made you, maybe Dave hanging out with Tavros and Aradia was a good thing. It made him believe not all trolls are horrid deadly creatures.

—

You followed along behind him down the hall. You squeeze his hand softly, giving a small sigh at the question. You really didn't know. Even though it seemed Dave did enjoy you and Aradia. Maybe you two have changed his mind?

"i UHH„, hONESTLY DON'T KNOW, wE HAVE TO„,yOU K-KNOW, pRAY FOR THE BEST?"

And you did. The last thing you wanted is more bloodshed. The very thought terrified you. But you think there was still a bright side. You just had to reach it. When you two had finally made it to the ball room, you let his hand slip from yours. You didn't want stares.

You straighten your tie again, puffing your chest out. For once you held your head up high. Dave was here. Gamzee was here. This made you feel strangely safe. Like the Subjugglators couldn't even touch you.

Tonight, you were going to have a good time for the first time in ages.

—

== Dave notices the two of you and comes over. His face still surprisingly blank as if he just didn't care. He hugs Tavros close to him and you cross your arms, trying to ignore it. Just one more party, Makara. Just one more. Then you'll never see this human ever again.

He looks at the suit Tavros has on and mutters "cool," before finally letting go.

Then he looks at you and nods.

"makara."

== You roll your eyes and nod back.

"strider."

== There was a long pause as the two of you exchange glares.

God, you fucking hated him. The tension was so high here. It almost made you want to cut it. Like Dave's throat.

—

When he hugs you, you let out surprised noise. Not something you were expecting at all. You blink, and you just let him hold you. You pat his back, and he mutters the simple words into your ears. They flick. That was starting to get embarrassing.

"uH„,t-tHANKS,"

When you let go, you run your hand over your leathery ears. You were kind of ashamed of them. But you told no one this. Then you watched them glare each other down. You then grab Gamzee's wrist, softly, behind him so no one can see.

The night had just begun. No need for arguments and glares. All you two had to do was get through this one party. And everything would be fine. Dave would go back home, and he'll write you letters.

You'll send him letters back too. And you'll be friends. You may even become moirails one day. And Gamzee won't be so angry because he's not around anymore… well not as angry as he was before…

—

== You flinch away from Tavros' touch, surprised by it at first, before relaxing. You were too deep in a glare to notice that, as you turn to look at Tavros, you see Dave lean forward to mutter something into Tavros' ear. You wonder what it was exactly.

== Be Dave.

You are now Dave Strider. You are the coolest of cool kids, though you're not exactly a kid anymore. You just got to this party, and it's already not good enough for someone of your stature. You make it shine, and it's not worth the sparkle your presence gives it on its sad dull surface.

You look at Nitram, who is currently grabbing Makara's wrist. Why the fuck are their hands always connected? Troll slavery sure is weird. Oh, yeah, he's his slave. You still can't really get your mind around that.

What was this, the 19th century? Or… the nine and a half sweepeth?

Fuck it.

You lean to speak to Nitram, avoiding his bigass horns on the way down, and mutter:

"so, when are we going to blow this popsicle stand?"

—

You look very confused for a moment. Then you clear you throat and look at Gamzee. You really wanted to stay and dance with him for a while actually…No. That would look bad on his part. And your own too, you suppose. You let go of Gamzee's hand, and lay it on Dave's shoulder.

You then look back at Gamzee.

"i UHH„, " You glance back at Dave, and whisper, "r-rIGHT NOW i G-GUESS„,"

You look back at Gamzee again, looking for any signs of approval. You did want to spend some time with Dave before he had to go. You two had grown so close…You admit you were going to miss him when he was gone.

Maybe one day when and if you're free…You'll go to the LOHAC yourself.

—

== Be Gamzee.

He let go of your wrist and put it on Dave's shoulder, and Tavros is looking at you expectantly, like he wants to go be with him. You glare at him for a few seconds, before yanking him aside and away from the Knight.

"motherfucker, what the fuck do you want to do?" You hiss in his face, not exactly happy with him wanting to leave you.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO ANYWHERE, YOU'RE MY SLAVE."

Then Dave shrugs, and walks away. Wait, fuck. He's supposed to choose whether you go to war or not.

Maybe, just maybe, this'd sway him.

"fuck. fine."

—

And now you're being chastised. Great. You listened to Gamzee's over reacting, just looking down. What could you do? What could you say? You glance at Dave as he speaks. Then you hear him say you're his slave. That makes you hold your breath for a second.

You see Dave walking away, raising both your eyebrows. Then you glance back at Gamzee, who had a sudden change of heart. Probably thinking of the war it seems. You say, and grab his hand again.

"„,hE'S GOING TO BE GONE TOMORROW, i'LL BE HERE FOR THE REST O-OF MY LIFE, aFTER THAT i-i'LL BE JUST YOURS AGAIN IF YOU WANT ME TO BE„,"

You let your hand slip away.

"bUT U-UNTIL THEN i JUST WANT TO TALK TO HIM BEFORE HE HAS TO LEAVE, tHANK YOU FOR CHANGING YOUR MIND THOUGH, sORRY,"

You let your hand slip from his, and then walk after Dave, into the crowd.

—

== … Oh. There he goes.

You watch him walk away, and not since the absence of your lusus have you ever felt so truly alone. You stumble back away from the crowd, slaveless and confused. What the fuck just happened?

You sit with your head in your hands, not really in the mood for all this political party bullshit anyway.

== Be Dave.

Of course he's following you.

You expected as much. Play hard to get and they'll all come running after you. You raise your hand in a gesture for him to follow you, and slip from the crowd back into a hallway.

You need to find an empty, private room.

You see Aradia and some big fucking troll walk out from the slave quarters, both of them kind of blink in surprise in seeing you before Aradia waves at you. You do a half wave, and slip into the room.

—

You follow Dave, looking confused as to where he was going. You followed still, like a lamb to the slaughter. He leads you out into the hallway. You stay quiet. You see Aradia and Equius, you wave at Aradia. Equius gives you this look, Aradia just waves back.

You walk into the slave quarters after him, closing the door behind you. You glance up at him, your ears raise slightly in curiosity. The room was dim, for it was only lit with candles tonight. You were guessing Equius and Aradia wanted the room to feel more romantic.

You think about how sweet that is. A light blush shows on your face. You look away from Dave.

"s-sO dAVE wHY ARE WE HERE?"

—

== The atmosphere was so perfect in here it's like it was made for this moment. It probably was. You were a God, after all. Everything aligned just for you. It was written in the bible at one point before it was decided your name was too cool for print.

Or at least, you say that.

You get yourself real close to the troll, pushing him gently so that he's against the wall. You press yourself against him, whispering with the raspiest voice you can muster in his weird droopy ears that are so weird and so ironic to see on something so humanlike.

"you know, we're not going to see each other for a little bit."

You trail your tongue against his piercing slowly.

"hell, let's be real. probably never again."

—

You back up slowly. Your back presses against the wall. Your breath suddenly feels heavy. Like an elephant is on your chest. His words, his actions. Oh God. You didn't know what to do. You turn your head away, leaning your hands against the wall.

He was against you. You felt his tongue. Your ears twitch softly. The little jingle distracting you for a moment. Then you remembered what was going on. Oh God, you really didn't like Dave in this way. But, it seems he couldn't catch hints. You tilt your head downward, and give a long and heavy sigh.

"„,y-yEAH i KNOW," You mutter. "i KNOW ALL TOO WELL, b-bUT i DON'T-"

—

== He's talking, why is he talking? He's about to get some sweet mackin' by an alien.

"shh."

You slide your finger over his mouth, your other hand going under his chin, then you tilt his head up, and kiss him to shut him up.

—

He shushes you, and presses your lips together. You gasp softly. You didn't have the heart to pull away from him. You lay your hands on his shoulders and give them a gentle push. No, you didn't want to.

Dave was your friend. You saw him as your moirail. There were no red feelings here, only pale. He had to understand this. You don't want him. You don't know what you want right now. You probably wouldn't for a long time.

You're a slave with jumbled up emotions. You really didn't need this right now. And why were you thinking of Gamzee? Even though Dave was the one kissing you, this false sense of caring…You couldn't help but think of Gamzee.

—

== Be Gamzee.

Fuck letting him be with Dave. Where the Hell did they go? You push yourself away from the wall and rub your eyes. You were going to find your fucking slave. He was yours. You made a poor choice letting him go off and be alone with that motherfucking human.

You walk through the party, looking through the crowd for white hair and huge horns. You can't find anything even slightly related to those subjects. They must have left the party.

Why the fuck would they leave the party.

You look around, tapping a Subjugglator on the shoulder. "where'd the human go?"

He looks shocked at you actually speaking to him head on, turning to you with a raised eyebrow and shrugging. "I don't kn—"

"HE HAS MY MOTHERFUCKING SLAVE, YOU WILL FIND OUT."

"Yes sir." The Subjugglator hurries away to ask around, coming back within the next few minutes to point out a door in the hallway. "Someone said they saw them go down this hallway, I suggest you check the slave chambers."

== You nod, making your way down that hallway. You turn your way into the slave chamber, opening the door.

You slam it shut a second later. What the fuck.

You were going to go get the motherfucking Subjugglators on this motherfucker.

—

You keep pushing at his shoulders, hearing angry stomping coming down the hallway. Oh God. Oh God. What if it was Gamzee? What would he say? What would he do? He would kill you. He would MURDER you. Dave would probably suffer the same fate.

And, of course, fate dealt a cruel hand. Gamzee walked into the room, and you give a loud gasp. You try to get away in surprise, but you end up almost falling and holding onto Dave's shoulders so you wouldn't fall. You stare at Gamzee, than back at Dave.

"g-gAMZEE i-" You began to choke on your own words.

This was bad. So bad. Really bad.

—

= That was real.

That was motherfucking real.

Now he's clinging to Dave, that motherfucker. You reach out and grab your slave away from Dave, growling and punching him straight in his motherfucking rustblooded face.

"guess what, motherfucker." You hiss, shoving Tavros to the ground and kicking him hard. "YOU JUST FUCKED UP, BAD."

== You grab Dave, slamming him against the wall and kneeing him hard in the stomach. "especially you, motherfucker."

"guess what. your kingdom is as good as gone when lohac gets to it." He struggles as you hold his arms behind him and spits blood at your face.

"NOT BEFORE I DESTROY YOU." You growl into his ear, you have never been this mad in your life. Never. Ever. You've been mad, but not as absolutely burning and furious like this moment.

"we're motherfuckin going to have an execution."

—

"g-gAMZEE i'M s-" He grabs you.

You just look into his eyes with sorrow and regret. He shoves you to the ground and kicks your side. You yelp loudly, holding your side. You lay there, even as he grabbed Dave. All you could do is watch, with wide, tear filled eyes.

You hear Gamzee, and you sit up quickly.

"gAMZE PLEASE„, pLEASE DON'T! iT WASN'T WHAT YOU T-THINK i-i-"

You really should shut your mouth. But no, you couldn't let this happen. You couldn't let someone die because of you. Especially someone so close to you. Gamzee couldn't do this.

"d-dON'T TOUCH HIM!"

—

== You call for the Subjugglators; they see the scene and grab Dave. One glare lets them know what you want, and then they're pulling him out of the room. You turn to Tavros, fire burning in your eyes. You were going to make him pay. Make him pay so hard.

"no, motherfucker." You laugh, almost sadistically. "I WON'T HAVE TO TOUCH HIM. they'll do it for me. I'LL MAKE IT PUBLIC AND MAKE YOU WATCH IT. you have no idea what you're fucking doing. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I COULD FUCK YOU UP FOR SPEAKING AGAINST ME."

== You lean over and grab him by his tie, pulling him up and smashing your lips onto his.

"you're. motherfuckin. mine." Each word is hissed against his lips, then you pull away and punch him again.

And again.

Then you take your belt from your pants, and smack him in the back with it.

"MOTHERFUCKING. STUPID. FUCKER."

—

"o-oH GOD, d-dAVE i'M SORRY! i'M SORR—"

You get caught by your tie, staring up at Gamzee with pleading eyes. Even as he slams your lips together, all you could do is squirm. He let's go and he punches you, you fall back on to the floor beginning to sob.

"g-gAMZEE pLEAS-" He punches you again, leaving you reeling on the floor.

Even as you try to sit yourself back up, you hear the sound of a buckle being undone. Your ears twitch, and before you could turn to cover yourself, you back was lashed. You screamed, your hands giving way under you, and your chest hits the ground.

You scream each time it hits you. It was ripping into your suit. The suit Dave gave you. Oh God. You didn't want this to happen. You try to lean on your arm, but you feel another lash and you yelp.

Tears were streaming down your cheeks, and all you could do is whine and scream out in absolute agony. But you didn't weep for just yourself. You cried for Dave too. You cried for your friend. You cried because of the pain in your back.

You cried because you were here. Why you? Why?

—

== You hit him until he bled, lashing him until his back was pretty much seeping out brown blood. This would normally be such a thrill, causing a rust to bleed. It would. Yet, right now, all you could feel was guilt in the pit of your stomach. You had broken his skin with a belt, he must be in so much pain right now—

Who cares if he's in pain?

You're a motherfucking Subjugglator.

You shake your head and wrap your belt up without putting it on, leaving the room with him sitting there crying and shaking. You walk back into the party and everyone just turns to stare. The human is nowhere to be found, you have red and brown blood on you.

"MOTHERFUCKERS, AND MOTHERFUCKERETTES." You yell, "i believe, we are going to go to war with LOHAC."

The whole room lets out a collective gasp.

"BECAUSE, WE'RE GOING TO CRUCIFY A MR. DAVE FUCKING STRIDER." As if almost on cue, the Subjugglators bring in Dave. He's been beaten and his hands are kept behind his back, as to not let him time travel. "i'm fuckin sick of this douchebag."

—

You couldn't support yourself on your arms. No matter how much you tried. You tried communing with animals, but only the rats came to your aid. They could do nothing, being so small. The animals in the stables were going mad, but they could do nothing to help you.

As Gamzee leaves, you just lay there and stare at his feet as he walks out. You lay there for the longest time, it felt like minutes had become years. You try your luck at standing again. You tremble, trying to lean yourself against the wall.

You were bleeding. So much blood. You screamed again, in mental and physical agony. Then, you fall back onto the floor in a bloody heap of sobbing.

"d-dAVE„," You sobbed. "dAVE„,"

Over and over. For a few minutes. Until, you were feeling dizzy. Then, you called out for your lusus.

"t-tINKERBULL„," and then you remember and sob harder.

Finally, you were able to call out for real help.

"a-aRADIA! aRADIA!" You screamed.

You just wanted…comfort. You wanted to be off the floor. You wanted these bloody brown stains off the floor and the wall. You wanted this suit off. You didn't want to remember this. You didn't want to remember any of it. You want to go back to your hive. You want to stay there forever with Tinkerbull and out of this nightmare.

—

== Be Aradia.

What in the world was going on? A second ago Dave and Tavros were going to the slave quarters and now Gamzee had come back covered in brown blood. Oh God. You hoped Tavros was okay, you hoped so much that everything would be 0k. Gamzee had Dave dragged into the room, beaten and bloody.

Dave, what did you do?

You glance up at Equius, who is looking at the scene with slight appreciation. Then he looks down at you and realizes what the Hell is going on, looking forward at the scene with a newfound anger. You grab his hand and give it a slight squeeze, but he doesn't grab it back.

You know he wants to, but he doesn't want to hurt you.

"We need to 100k for him. The rustb100d." He says bluntly.

== You nod, pulling him with you back to the last place you saw Tavros. They were heading down this hallway while you left. Oh, maybe you shouldn't have left. You hear sobs, and then a scream. Then another sob, a call for Dave, then Tinkerbull— then you.

You push into the room, staring at the scene in front of you. Blood, lots and lots of blood, staining the floor, the walls, and the room.

Tavros, what did you do?

You rush to his side, and you don't know what exactly to do. Are you even allowed to clean him up?

You hated this place.

—

You look up, still shaking. Unable to do anything but lie there. Your eyes were blank, puffy and wet. You just leaned yourself up on the wall best you could. You close your eyes and hiss in pain. A low whimper escaping after that.

"a-aRADIA„,i WAS„,i-i COULDN'T„," You try to say this through a mass of sobs.

"d-dAVE„,dAVE„,oH GOD IT'S ALL MY FAULT„," You reach up and wrap your arms around her leg.

"i-iT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

You remember when Dave had asked to set you free once. You could've gone to the LOHAC with him. You remember. You should have said yes. But no. You were thinking of Gamzee.

Gamzee, not yourself. Why couldn't you be selfish for once in your life?

"a-aRADIA„," You groan.

Your mind was in too much of a jumble

"i CAN'T„," You fall back onto the floor.

Some rats curl up by you. Animals were so loyal. And they understood.

—

== He was in hysterics. He was freaking out and crying and it was completely understood. There was so much blood… Fuck it, fuck Gamzee, if he came back and punished you for cleaning him up you would take the beating graciously. It wouldn't be your first. This was definitely Tavros' first.

"equius, y0u are g0ing t0 g0 get all 0f y0ur t0wels. n0w."

== Equius blinks, eye brows shooting up in surprise at you. "I do not appreciate being e%pected to listen to a—"

"if you say rustbl00d—" You hiss, cutting him off, "that was an 0rder."

Equius nods, mouth shutting fast. Happy to be given a command, he leaves the room. How could you like someone so weird? You shrug it off, more important things first.

You grab the buttons to Tavros' suit, unbuttoning it. His wonderful red and black suit Dave had gotten him was completely destroyed. You needed to get it out of the way. By the time you had gotten him undressed Equius was back, carrying quite a few towels and a jug of water.

"we're g0ing t0 clean y0u up, y0u'll be 0k, tavros."

—

Even when they bring the towels and the water, you're sobbing and crying still does not stop. You just lay there, a mess of dreadful emotions and blood. You have never felt so alone. So hurt. And…You felt something you never felt often before. Anger.

You don't know who you were angry at, Gamzee, Dave, or yourself? You were just sad and angry. And this was entirely your fault. They start to clean out your back and patch you up. But that did nothing. It didn't stop you from crying.

You hear footsteps, you tell Aradia and Equius they should hide. They were coming for you. To make you watch. You hang your head. You didn't want to watch this. Dave didn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to die. Not like this. Not here, not now.

The footsteps were getting closer and closer. You shook and just stayed on the floor.

—

== Footsteps. Oh God. You gesture for Equius to leave. And he does quickly, you stay put though.

== Be Gamzee.

You slam the door to the slave quarters open, seeing Aradia dabbing Tavros' wounds with a towel. You glare and grab her hair, ignoring her yelp of pain as you slam her against the wall. You grab Tavros by his hair, next, pulling him up and making him stand.

Two Subjugglators are behind you, they cease him by the arms.

"sorry, bro. THE BULL FUCKED WITH THE TROLL. and the bull got the horns, this time, motherfucker. THE BULL GOT THE HORNS." You're kind of insane right now. You aren't as mad as you initially were, but you're still really, really fucking mad. But in a good way.

You got to get rid of Dave.

And your kingdom was behind you in it. You were their ruler.

Public executions, especially something like a crucifixion, were surprisingly uncommon in the LOTAM. Executions were normally exacted in private, and most murders were done out of rage or during moon rises, not planned out like this.

The two of you are lead outside by two e%ecutioners, to the courtyard where it was going to happen.

—

You don't really react to him yelling at you. Nor do you react to him grabbing your bloody, messy hair. You stand, shaky and wobbly. Your legs like jelly. The two other Subjugglators grab your arms, you look down. You were defeated. Too tired of giving emotion. But you knew it was going to be drained out of you.

You glance at Aradia. The look you gave her was a sorrowful on. Your sobs were quiet now. You suddenly thought of Karkat and the Summoner. Maybe if you had gone with them you wouldn't be here. Your mind is racing a mile a minute, even as they pull you into the courtyard.

A giant scale was there. A symbol in the middle. A young female troll with a large toothy grin, and red glasses sat atop the very middle. You glance at her, and recognize her. She was a very famous young lawyer, taking after the great Redglare. You know as well as anyone who knew of her, she loved executions.

"SO TH1S 1S TH3 SUMMON3R'S RUNT?" You heard her yell.

You glance at Gamzee, then back down. It seems the Taurus was the mockery of the zodiac to everyone.

—

== You walk out to the courtyard, your eyes looking around at the people here. There weren't too many, just the people at your party and Terezi Pyrope. She was your favorite lawyer, and probably your favorite teal blood. Her trials were quick and to the point. She would execute trolls as if they were some kind of stuffed animal.

You'd seen where she lived; she hung stuffed dragons as if they were trolls.

"yeah, motherfucker. THIS IS HIM. but he's not who we are executing today. WE'RE GOING TO EXECUTE A HUMAN."

Her grin grew even larger.

"and yes, motherfucker. IF ALL GOES WELL, i'll let you taste his cherry red blood."

== The two of you laugh as if this is a good joke. To you, it is.

"F4NT4ST1C." She yells back down to you, hitting her cane on the ground below her. "L3T TH3 TR14L B3G1N."

She pulls out a coin from her back pocket.

—

Terezi really was a good actress. Either that or she didn't follow in the teachings of her late mentor, Redglare. Like the Summoner, she had learned the ways of the Sufferer from the Disciple. Or at least, that's what the Summoner had told you. A lot of Redglare's trials ended with a highblood losing their life, and a lowblood on top.

Though it seems the highbloods never noticed. You remember the day she died vividly. You were there, far out of the crowds in the shadows. The Summoner had already gone to war. A pirate and her young charge sent to be executed…You knew the charge for she was the one who cursed you with your limp.

They sent a wave of mind control through the ground, just as the execution was about to start. It was then that the crowd turned the tables on Redglare…and hung her instead. You were out of reach from their control because you were far off in the dark…

You were able to escape. You sent a letter to Karkat and the Summoner about the manner…But…You got nothing back.

You give Terezi a glance, a questioning one, before letting your head down. You knew she wouldn't play in your favor. She must be having too much fun here. You glance at the coin next. Staring at it.

Then you look at Gamzee. You wondered what the point of having this trial was if he was already commended to death before it. You would have to remember to wash the 'blood' from your hands, for you were the one who sentenced him. It was all your fault.

—

== Terezi raises her head, nodding towards the crowd of people who have gathered to watch her decision. Almost everyone knows how this is going to end, but it's always interesting to watch her proceed through her trial. You attended quite a few yourself.

"BR1NG 1N TH3 CULPR1T." She throws her hand up in the air, and then brings it down to the area where the two Subjugglators holding Dave are.

Dave is dragged into the courtyard and thrown on the ground in front of Terezi. She leans over and sniffs him, then runs her tongue along his cheek. Dave turns his head away from her, slight look of disgust on his face.

"H3Y, COOLK1D. AR3 W3 GO1NG TO S33 YOU CRY?" She yells into his ear, and Dave shakes his head.

"never."

The two of them stare at each other, and Terezi reaches over and pulls his sunglasses off. "YOUR 3Y3S AR3 R3D."

"congrats, you can see."

She lets out a loud cackle, picking up her cane and whacking him in the head with it. His face doesn't even change as his head makes a loud crack noise. "HOW D4R3 YOU S4Y TH4T TO 4 BL1ND L4W WOM4N."

== The whole place is silent. The entire courtyard listening to the conversation.

"ha."

She smirks. "H3H3H3."

"ha. ha. ha."

== More silence, then she leans in close.

"H34DS, YOU DI3. SCR4TCH, YOU G3T LUCKY."

"get lucky, eh?" A slight playful tone is behind his voice.

"YOU W1LL STOP SP34K1NG W1TH HUM4N 1NNU3NDO, NOW."

== Then she flicks the coin into the air.

—

You watch them converse. You keep your eyes open. Maybe…if you tried you would wake up from this nightmare. You often had them. Ones like this…You then realize you weren't dreaming, and you hang your head. One of the Subjugglators hits you with his club.

A warning for you to keep your head up. You do so, listening closely to Terezi and Dave talk. It seems that, maybe if all this didn't happen, they would get along. You knew this good and well, because well…You were good at guessing such things.

You watch as the coin goes up, time seems to freeze. Was that Dave? Was it him trying to save himself? Or was that just you? Your mind is playing games with you again. Like games it's been playing with Gamzee for the past however long you've known him.

You watch as it lands.

"H43DS!" You hear her yell with a loud cackle.

"n-nO„," You mutter softly, hanging your head again.

Only to be struck with the club on your back, your hair grabbed, forcing you to look up.

"JUST1C3 H4S B33N S3RV3D! H3H3H3H3!"

—

== You smile, watching the scene with admiration. It wasn't your favorite outcome. You normally liked it when it landed on scratch, and then she'd tell them 'she can't see the coin, she's blind' and end up killing them anyway. The look of actual fear that crosses Dave Strider's face is what makes it worth it.

You look at Tavros; he's being forced to watch.

Good.

"motherfuckin bring him to me. I WANT TO CARRY OUT THE EXECUTION."

You're shaking, with fury and excitement and over all power. You could crush any motherfucker you wanted, whenever you fucking wanted. The Subjugglators bring him to you, and a wooden trapeze pole is brought out.

It looked old and raw and as if just touching it could cause horrible cuts in your skin.

It was the way Subjugglators crucified.

The board that they normally grabbed onto had been turned so that it was facing the audience, and the bottom of the pole had a board for which his feet were to be nailed to.

"what the fuck is that." Dave says, again, more a statement than a question.

"WHERE YOU WILL SPEND YOUR LAST LIVING BREATHS."

—

You didn't care if they beat you; you try your best to bow your head. You pray. You pray a prayer that was recited by the Sufferer, down to the Disciple, down to the Summoner, and then you. A prayer for those who will fall, a prayer for those who are going to fall.

You knew none of hope. Hope didn't exist at this moment. Only death. Only suffering. You were suffering. Like your adopted ancestor before you. You said it in Spanish. You didn't care if they killed you. You would gladly die. Just like the Sufferer.

You would let your sorrow and rage fill the void that is this land. For, you felt him here with you. The Sufferer was here, in your heart, in your mind. You and Dave had simultaneously become him. And you will be him until Dave is gone, or until both of you are.

For you are cursed with the same existence as him. Doomed from the start. No matter how much the Summoner prepared you for greatness, it would all end the same. The so called "Messiah" falls. Though if this is true, you look up at Gamzee as you think this, he will fall too. And just as hard.

You didn't know if it was happening today, next to Dave, at Gamzee's hands. But one day, you will fall in defeat. Not in victory. Your teachings have been lies. Everything, a great lie. Yet you still sit here and pray for something different. You must have hope. Especially when none is in sight.

They jerk at your hair again, you gasp, you watch, and you sob. They press Dave hard against the pole, nails and hammers in hand. The first nail, the biggest, went through both of his feet. You hear him scream.

Second nail, through his right hand. Symbolism to you. The Disciple always sat at the right hand of the Sufferer. The left hand, where the Grand Highblood had grabbed him and brought him down. Evil is the left, good is the right. Yet good still bleeds just as evil does.

You still say the prayer, over and over and over. They start to beat you. Harder and harder. You still couldn't bring yourself to care. You took your beating. The beating and the suffering came hand in hand.

—

== You shake with power, dominion, and superiority. Every bone in your body is shaking with immense ecstasy and fire. You know what you have done today is probably not the best decision mentally, but you're all out of mental capabilities. All rational thought is out the window. You just want to kill. You want to murder.

You grab a noble and literally rip their spine out. For no other reason except you felt like it.

The courtyard rushes away from you, and you let out loud pants of anger, almost like a hunter who has just found its prey. You don't really have any prey; everyone here is your prey. Nobody can stop you. Nobody will stop you. You feel everything. You feel nothing.

You haven't felt like this since you were seven sweeps old.

You see the Subjugglators beating your slave, hard, to the ground. You just stare with a smile as if it's beautiful. You just stare. Blue blood is pooled around you, but you don't care. Rust. Rust. Rust. Everywhere. Rust blood. Your rust. Your rust's blood.

Then the Grand Highblood has you ceased and pulled from the courtyard, and you receive your own beating.

You haven't been beaten in at least six months, and the pain overwhelms you. The punches don't bring you back. You just sit there and take them, staring at the blood on your hands.

You're finally pulled from your insane phase with the lashing of a belt, and you're hit with slight déjà vu.

As you're smacked against a wall, body going limp at the hands of your ancestor, all you can think of is how much you fucked up.

Oh fuck, LOHAC.

… Oh fuck, Tavros.

You fall to the ground. Your whole body aches, your whole being aches. Your heart, your soul, your think pan.

You're filled with nothing but regret.

—

You look up. You see him. You see Gamzee. You see…blurs. Everything. The beating, it was getting to you. You reach your hand out to him, only to have it stepped on. You realize you don't have any rage in you. Only sorrow. Only regret. You could feel it. You could feel it in yourself and Gamzee.

You look straight into his eyes from where you were, and then you look up at Dave's battered, lifeless corpse. Then back at Gamzee. You mouthed 'I'm sorry' to him, when your hand was free; you tried to crawl to him, only to have your back stomped on. You cry out in pain.

"g-gAMZEE„,"

You lower your head onto the ground.

"d-dAVE„,"

You curl up, even as they continue to beat you. You wished for death at this moment. You let your eyes close. And even as everything went black, like you wanted, your heart kept pounding. And they beat you until you were in a deep sleep.

A temporary death.


	4. Part III

It had been months. And you were still recovering, both physically and mentally. There was a point in time when they did consider killing you, ironically enough, in the name of mercy in which they claimed they didn't have. They had beaten you until you were almost dead. But a 'miracle' happened…and you lived.

You didn't think it was fair. Dave should have lived. He should be the one recovering from his scars at home. But no, you sit here in your quarters and think of him. And the Sufferer. You barely write anymore. And when you do, it's not your writing. It's as if it is someone else. Sometimes, it would be the way Dave would write.

As if he had possessed your hand and was writing to you. You would read over it after you were done and it would be him. And if it was not Dave, it would be the Sufferer's writing, sending you words of comfort.

Crows have been gathering outside of your window. Usually, it would be birds of all kinds. Animals were usually attracted to you. They loved you. But now, only crows gather. Not that you minded. You would share bread with them; they and Aradia became your only company.

Most of the time, you avoided eye contact with Gamzee. You keep your head lower than when you had first come here. You avoided talking to him more then what was necessary. At night, you would curl up by yourself and cry.

Your back would ache and you would have nightmares, but your life as a slave went on. Why? Because this was the suffering that came from being a slave. If you didn't want this, you shouldn't have let them take you away. Now and then, you still find yourself praying for death. Sometimes you would lay alone and just groan in mental and physical agony.

Anxiety had taken over your life.

And you really didn't know if you could take it anymore.

Sometimes, you would stare at the knives on the dinner table, wondering how deep a cut on your wrist it would take to end it all. You couldn't shake these thoughts. Death sounded like a mother who wanted to rock her child to sleep. You thought about using ropes too, sometimes even guns. But you didn't dare share this with anyone.

And of course Dave and the Sufferer's writing kept you from it. They warned you not to. You listened. Like a good little slave.

And you HATED it.

—

== You sat in your respiteblock, with your head in your hands and thinking for the thousandth time this month, and last month, and the one before that. You had done absolutely nothing but thinking lately. Your entire kingdom was at war with LOHAC, and while you seemed to be winning, you still were losing men in huge numbers.

LOHAC wasn't the thing you thought about the most, though. You absolutely fucking don't care about LOHAC compared to the feelings of guilt and self-hatred in your stomach over Tavros.

You'd pretty much figured out your feelings in the aspect of Tavros.

You were so motherfucking _flushed_ for him.

You had fucked up so bad. Everything you had ever done was absolutely destroyed in that moment. You punched him, beat him, and made him watch you kill his friend and possible future moirail. When he had finally gone back to living life to a state where he could serve you again, he clicked right back into the place a slave was supposed to be.

A negative acquaintance.

You didn't like it. You didn't like the fact that he didn't look at you anymore. You didn't like that he didn't smile. You didn't like the fact that he always looked like he wanted to cry in your presence. You didn't like that you wanted nothing more than to grab him and hold him and let him cry in your arms.

You were a Subjugglator, not a motherfuckin mother.

If you tried to speak to him with anything else other than an order, he would turn his head and one word answer you. You had gained yourself a silent slave.

You didn't like it.

So you decided you were going to try and fix things.

Make everything okay.

And that's why you entered the slave quarters for the first time, without intention of making Tavros do something for you, in months.

—

You glance up at him, with dead brown eyes. The life has been draining out of you since that day. You sat on the corner of your bed, curled into a ball, hugging your knees. Your shirt was gone. You had been touching your wounds. They were scabbed over, and you were just running your fingertips over them.

Shaking, you look back down away from him. You didn't want him to look at you. Not like this. Not in anyway. You weren't sure what you wanted from him. You weren't even sure if you wanted your freedom anymore. Your books were spread in front of you. The ones you've been writing in.

You didn't utter a word. Not a single word. You glance up for a moment and see Aradia walk by the quarters, peeking in with a look of concern on her face. You look back down, burying your face into your hands. You…didn't want her or Gamzee to see you. Not like this.

You just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

—

He looked absolutely pitiful. Your stomach crawled at the sight of him like this, you didn't like it, you didn't like it one bit. You didn't like the rust wounds he was running his fingers over, you didn't like the look on his face when he looked at you. His entire being was just dead.

You take a deep breath and sit on the bed next to him when he finally looks away from you and puts his head in his hands. Maybe you should get him a recuperacoon, even though slaves were normally meant to go without them. You shrug.

The bed sinks under your weight lightly, and you just look at him, reaching out and gently rubbing his shoulder.

"hey."

—

You flinch away from his touch like it was fire. Might as well be. You glance up at him, tears in your eyes. Your lip quivers roughly. You hold back a sob. You really didn't want to be touched ever again. Your back ached. You ached. And if had been months. You were moody, and unstable. Unbalanced. You hated it.

"„,h-hEY," Your finally manage to sob out.

Your chest hurt too. Your fingers twitch. They wanted to write. You denied them.

—

"… i think we should… i t-think we should talk." You're trying so hard to keep your voice at one consistent level. You've been trained for years to fluctuate your words to freak out rusts, but you don't want to freak him out. You want to hold him close to you and let him cry.

His face hurts every fiber of you. He looks like he wants to die and he probably does. You wonder if he can see on your face the amount of pain this is causing you as well.

You want to cry too.

You can't, though. You can't cry. You don't cry. Messiahs don't cry. It'll mess up their makeup and show their weaknesses. It doesn't stop your eyes from watering up. You hold it back successfully, though.

You pitied Tavros.

He didn't pity you.

You weren't going to let yourself get that vulnerable in front of him, not yet.

You pull your hand away and sit cross-legged on the bed, crossing your fingers together in front of you.

".. talking would be good."

—

You really didn't want to talk. Talking was pretty useless to you at this point. But still, you looked up at him, your expression still cold and dead. You wished you could stop thinking. You wish you didn't remember anything. You wish none of this ever happened.

You wished there wasn't war going on. You hated the concept. But…you felt the urge to fight; to run away during the night to the Land of Heat and Clockwork, and offer your services to them, in Dave's memory.

But at the same time, you couldn't leave Aradia. You couldn't leave the crows. You couldn't leave Gamzee, as much as you wanted to, so you can be free once again. Now you want to fight. You wanted to make the Summoner proud. You wanted to make the Sufferer proud. And most of all, Dave.

But you knew this was impossible.

So, you hung your head again, and continued to be the pitiful slave.

"oKAY," You barely whisper.

—

== You turn yourself so that you sit in front of him, this time. You're not exactly sure what to say. You reach out and move his hair from his face, before stroking it gently and then pulling your hand away and looking down as well.

"i'm sorry." You whisper, almost so quiet not even you can hear. The room is completely empty aside from you two, though, so there's no other noise.

== You hug yourself, digging your claws into your shoulders slightly. No crying, motherfucker.

"i'm so fuckin sorry. and i know i don't motherfuckin deserve to say this. i fucked up. i fucked up bad. yeah, i'm a motherfuckin indigoblooded asshole i know. i know i'm nothing but that and fuck i deserve all of the hate you probably feel for me."

== Fuck, now you're too far in. Confession.

"i don't really know, i'm a fuckin idiot. i don't know how to handle things. i was hatched alone and raised my fuckin self for the first six sweeps of my fuckin life. the second part of my life, the one i'm in now, i'm still practically raising myself. i just get beat more."

== You're trying so, so hard not to fluctuate your words.

"i know what you're feeling. captive, held back, restricted. i've been through all that bullshit. if you want you can fuckin ask me about that, but i don't really want to elaborate right now."

== You slide your hand into your now long again hair, biting your lip.

"and fuck, you know what. if you can't fuckin stand me, if you want, i'll let you go. give you full fuckin freedom. i can't fuckin stand this anymore, tavros. i can't MOTHERFUCKING STAND THIS BULLSHIT. i can't."

—

You tried to listen carefully. You tried to look him in the eyes. You tried to feel sorry for him. But…you really couldn't bring yourself to do so. Because, at this point, you were worse off than Gamzee. At first, when you were free, of course you had the better life. You had a lusus who cared for you and a home. You were smart and educated. And you were looked up to by the people around you.

But then that day, the day you were taken, your life…became much worse. He offered you your freedom. What would you do with it now? Your lusus was dead. The Summoner was gone. Karkat was gone. Dave was gone… Who would you go to?

Where would you go? No one would want you. That failure. The one the Summoner chose as the second heir, even though they were of the same blood. That mockery of the Taurus. Your old life was gone. The brands on your neck and wrist say so.

"i'M„,n-nOT GOING ANYWHERE„," You mutter sadly.

You reach back, rubbing the brand on your neck. Tracing it. Such a beautiful symbol, yet so evil. You had nothing more to say now. You didn't want to talk, as stated earlier. You just…wanted to sleep forever.

—

== It wasn't working. You sigh. Tavros looked so tired; you wondered how the night terrors were working. You shrug. Bribery could work…

"i'm not leaving until we get our conversation on. if you talk to me like a rational troll i'll get you a recuperacoon."

—

You didn't want anything. Not a damn thing. You shook a little bit and tucked your head in so that it was against your knees. You felt the sobs coming again, the tears. You…didn't need anything from him.

"„,wHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING? w-wHAT DID YOU DO?" You're voice was quivering, going in and out.

"b-bESIDES WHAT A-ANY NORMAL SUBJUGGLATOR DOES,"

You grit your teeth together. If this was really anyone's fault…you blamed the Grand Highblood. He could have just left Gamzee alone and let him be himself. But then he went and changed him. You begin to shake again…and make a mental note to yourself.

Once you were strong, like The Summoner, if it ever happened…The Grand Highblood would be dying at your hands. Him and any other Subjugglator you can find.

—

== He's starting to cry again. You reach out and wipe the rust from his eye.

"i guess you're right. I'M THE PERFECT MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATOR. that's what i'll always fuckin be, right? I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY ASS, for ten motherfuckin seconds, JUST TO SEE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND ME."

== You pull your hand away from his cheek; deciding only small touches are what you were going to do. At least until he relaxes.

"and when i motherfuckin die, THERE WILL BE CELEBRATION IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN STREETS. people will dance and sing and have fuckin parties on my death. WANT TO KNOW WHY?

because i'm an unbearable bastard."

== You shrug.

"I ACCEPTED THAT YEARS AGO. but that doesn't mean i can't be sorry for hurting someone i considered a friend."

—

When he reaches to touch you, you try to turn your head away. You flinch again when he does. You didn't want to be touched ever again. Not even if it had nothing to do with pain or not. You just…You didn't want to. You run your hands along your wounds.

In full honesty…you wouldn't be the one doing that. You would feel so upset. But you knew Gamzee would live longer than you so it's a day you really don't have to worry about. If it came down to it…when and if you do take the Summoner's role…You couldn't kill Gamzee. Karkat would think you were so weak right now…

"i-i WOULDN'T„," You mutter into your knees.

—

== You sigh and stop touching him.

"you wouldn't?" You laugh, kind of empty. "i sure fuckin would. can i tell you something i've never fuckin told anyone?"

You don't wait for him to answer.

"i may treat the Grand Highblood with respect, even to the extent where i can't say his name without respect and always being afraid of him coming for me. i would celebrate the day he died, and not just because i'd become the next one."

You curl up. You don't care if he doesn't want to talk, you're going to.

"he killed my lusus."

—

You stay quiet, and look up at him slowly. You suddenly understood him more. Your eyes grew soft; less dead, more alive. None the less, you notice he had curled up too. You reach out, and take his hand, like you've done so many times before.

Though to this day, you still wonder why he killed Dave over something so petty and meaningless. You weren't worth killing over. Not at all. And…God you missed Dave. He misses you too. He wrote…through your fingers. Either that or you were just going mad.

But, you still held Gamzee's hand, in a soft manner. Comforting. You understood. Your lusus was dead and gone too. You move closer to him, and rest you forehead against his, closing your eyes. Maybe, just maybe…

You could comfort each other.

—

== When Tavros looks up at you, eyes soft and comforting, it's almost as if everything inside you sighs with relief and hurt at the same time. You feel so happy and so upset. On one hand, Tavros is finally responding, but on the other hand you just remembered.

Oh God, he killed your lusus.

You didn't want to remember that, the day that you finally got to see your lusus again was when he was pulled onto the surface and harpooned by your ancestor. As if it was the lusus' fault for never being there, for being too busy to ever just come around.

You're starting to tear up as the repressed memory comes back, but you don't as suddenly a hand is wrapped around yours. This feeling, it had just motherfuckin disappeared in the last months. It was gone, completely. Poof. You slide your fingers in between his, squeezing lightly.

When he presses his forehead against yours, you take your other hand and bring it back up to his hair, ruffling it very lightly.

"i'm so sorry."

—

You take another deep breath. Cracking your eyes open to look into his. You let your other hand settle on his shoulder. Then, you slide it towards his eye, gently wiping away a small tear before it fell.

"d-dON'T BE„," You mutter.

You really should…be stronger.

"c-cAN WE JUST„,cOMFORT EACH OTHER? p-pLEASE?"

That was all you wanted right now. And you're sure that's all he wanted too. Someone to lean on. Just like you. You…You were the only one who even remotely understood him weren't you?

—

== Shit.

You blink your eyes rapidly, stopping yourself from crying. What tear? You never cried. You don't cry. Okay, you may have cried.

"that didn't happen." You laugh, "I DIDN'T JUST MOTHERFUCKING SHED A TEAR. and make myself out to be totally vulnerable. I'M STILL A BIG STRONG HIGHBLOOD."

You bring your other hand up to the one on your shoulder, pulling it down and bringing both of his hands to your lips, kissing them gently.

"a big, bad, evil highblood."

—

You look away again, this time out of embarrassment. You then remember the kiss from that day. How rough it felt. Kind of unpleasant. Your ears go down. He had kissed your hands. Your filthy rust hands.

"„,y-yEAH„,aND i'M A FILTHY RUST BLOOD, r-rIGHT?" You grumbled.

You moved closer to him, wrapping your arms around his back. You press your cheek against your shoulder the best you could, trying not to hit him with your horns or anything. You rubbed his back softly, letting your eyes slip shut again. Then you remembered how much your back hurt.

—

== You smile at his little comment, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, avoiding his back.

"you're not filthy; I MAKE SURE TO KEEP YOU CLEAN."

It was true.

Some masters didn't allow their slaves to bathe, but the idea honestly disgusted the living Hell out of you. Maybe it was because you had to wash so often because you had to maintain a sense of royalty, but the idea of not showering made you feel absolutely and completely repulsed.

You hold him close, trying to just hold onto this moment.

You doubted there would be many more.

—

You pulled yourself into his grip, groaning softly. Your back was really starting to hurt. On days like this, it would ache a lot. The wounds would throb, just like they are doing now.

"gOD„," You sigh.

You were tired of sitting like this. You wanted to move. But you didn't dare say anything. You just kept your head on his shoulder.

"wILL„,t-tHE WAR BE OVER SOON?" That was a dumb question.

Why would you ask that? It would probably rage on for ages. And the ending probably won't be a peaceful one. All this bloodshed going on…You felt like it's your entire fault. You should have just stayed away from Dave from the start. Then none of this would have ever happened.

—

"no." You say bluntly, pulling away from him and moving your head out of the way so they you don't hit his horns. You look him in the eyes, locking rust with indigo. "it's probably going to last for another sweep or two. MAYBE ANOTHER THREE."

You sit up and crawl around the other side of the bed, sitting behind Tavros. You observe his wounds. It's been months, and it's still hurting him. You wonder if that was going to be a permanent pain for him, you'd really hope not. You slide your fingers over them very gently.

After a few minutes of this, you pull your hand away and sigh. It took all of your will to ask this next question.

"still fuckin hurt, don't they?"

You knew the answer, of course they still hurt.

—

You sigh. This was all your fault. You could have prevented this. Maybe if you would have been a bad slave, they would have killed you, and prevent this whole war. But God, how could you have known all this would happen? And why couldn't Gamzee just stop and listen to you…Just for two seconds?

You bury your face into your hands, sighing. You hear the bed shift. You peek from your hands, seeing Gamzee had moved behind you. You give a rough shiver as his fingertips travel down your back. The skin under them twitched and pulsed.

He asks you if they still hurt. You rub your shoulder with the opposite hand, looking back down. Your hair goes over one of your eyes, and you let out a shaky, unstable, sigh.

"„,yES,"

—

== You nod, leaning forward and pressing gentle kisses against the wounds. You knew only a few of these were your fault, but that still bothered you. You made a mental note to make the Subjugglators who beat him so harshly… disappear. A slight smirk grows on your face before it disappears again.

No bloodlust right now.

Only pity.

The bloodlust would come later when you're faced with an enemy, someone who is worthy of dealing with you like that. Right now, this slave, your slave, Tavros, he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve your heightened emotions and inability to think clearly.

That's what happened that night. You were so blind with rage, the idea of the fact that he had left you alone, to be with someone who so obviously lusted after him. Someone who so obviously lusted after him and that you couldn't stand.

You hug him from behind, making sure to avoid his injuries in this process.

"i can get sea dweller water or something. I HEAR THEY HAVE SPECIAL HEALING WATERS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. it's not cheap at all, BUT I KNOW A FEW OF THEM. one bought one of the Grand Highblood's slaves not too long ago…"

—

You stay silent. Your lips crack open, your breath shaky and slow. You twitched each time he kissed you, turning a deep brown in the face. You reached for a pillow and buried your face into it. Oh God, what was he doing? Why was he doing that? Why would he do that?

Was that kiss serious? The first one…was he really…serious? You bit into your pillow and shake softly. You didn't really know what to feel right now. You were utterly confused. Very confused. He was kissing you…hugging you. Telling you he'll heal you.

Does he really care? Why would he? What have you ever done…to make him feel this way about you? He should completely and utterly loath you. And you should feel the same. But, God you couldn't.

"t-tHAT SOUNDS„,n-nICE,"

You lean forward, away from him…just a bit.

—

== You nod, letting go of him and sitting against the corner of the bed. You know you've overstayed your welcome at this point. You've taken it too far. You shouldn't have kissed his back…Shouldn't have done that.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"i'll do that then." You glance at him, raising an eyebrow. "BUT MOTHERFUCKER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" You reach over and grab the pillow and give it a light squeeze. "what the fuck did this pillow ever do to you." You say with a slight laugh, trying to lighten the mood any.

—

You let out a small sigh of relief. Everything was so different now. Things were going to change, and you don't know how you're going to take them. Well no, everything was already changing. And God all this kissing and hugging and confusion…It wasn't helping.

You rub your arm again, glancing away from him. He asks you about your pillow. You give a small smile. Okay, yes. That worked. You hadn't smiled in so long before today. For once, this one wasn't sad, though it wasn't happy either. You didn't really know what it was at all.

"i-i WAS JUST„,nERVOUS IS ALL, i'M SURE THE PILLOW WILL FORGIVE ME„," You mutter into your knees.

—

== You laugh. It feels good. You saw him smile; you want to make him smile more. It's time to get your stupid on.

"I'M NOT SURE, MAN."

You say, jokingly. You let go of the pillow and lay back on the bed, stroking your chin.

"i heard pillows can hold a pretty big grudge. ONE MORNING YOU'RE CUDDLED ALL UP AGAINST IT, trying to get your fuckin sleep on, NEXT YOU HAVE A FACE FULL OF BED." You shake your head as if this is a tragic story, "lost a friend to a pillow once. ONE BAD PILLOW FIGHT. tore the seams, and damn. THAT THING GOT REVENGE."

== You sound so stupid. Success.

—

You cover your mouth. Oh God. Oh God. What was he even rambling about? You began to laugh, burying your face into your hand as your body jerked with each chuckle. Oh God, your sense of humor was terrible. That was corny and not very funny at all, but why are you laughing!

"r-rEALLY," You choke out.

Oh God.

—

== You start to laugh too, his chuckles and little laughter makes you just burst into it too. You curl into yourself and laugh, slight 'honks' between each breath. When you've finally settled down enough to talk, you take a deep breath and say,

"no, not really." You snort. "JUST WANTED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. by being a complete idiot. I WON." You throw your hands up like an idiot who just won some kind of Olympic race.

Then you threw a hand over your eyes and honked again.

"oh my god. I'M SO EMBARRASSING. that never happened." You say, still slightly giggling.

—

You uncurl from your ball with a small smile. Suddenly, things didn't hurt too badly. Things weren't as dark. You sighed, softly. But you knew this temporary shine wouldn't last. You look at your books, your journals; filled to the brim with writing that wasn't yours…Your fingers twitch again.

You ignore it. You ignore them. You ignore something else too. Not quite sure what, but, you do. You walk over to Gamzee, and kneel down in front of him. Then, you wrap your arms around him, still smiling. Your back still hurt. And you still wanted to lie down. But, that didn't make your smile disappear.

"i-i'M SO SORRY„," You mutter.

—

== He was hugging you, and smiling, and he even looked genuinely happy. Maybe you should be completely idiotic more often. You shook your head, no; this was a onetime thing, a fixing of everything that's been totally undone by your own actions.

Now that you think about it, you've always been completely idiotic, this time just in a playful way. You put your arms around him, rubbing his back very gently and leaning your head on his shoulder. You turn your head carefully, damn horns, and kiss him on the cheek.

"don't apologize. YOU HAVE HARDLY ANYTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. maybe ignoring me when i first got in here, BUT I FIXED THAT."

—

You sigh. It was kind of nice seeing a different side of him. You really wondered how he acted before the Grand Highblood butchered his personality. Your ears twitch at his kiss, you curse them inwardly. Doopy cow ears…

You let him hug you though. Things would be just fine between you two, you think. Maybe? Despite your jumbled feelings and the fact Dave is dead and gone…Maybe the best thing you can do for Dave is just try and survive and to purse happiness. Yeah. That's about right.

…You wonder what happened to Dave's car, and then shake the thought.

—

== You pull away from the hug, hoping things are okay now. You grab his hand and squeeze it slightly, and then trace your fingers over his brand slowly.

"can we stop all this bullshit now?" You reach out and push his hair out of his eyes. "CAN WE BE FRIENDS AGAIN?"

== Friends is what you'd settle for right now, at least until everything was okay. You figured he'd still be afraid of you after this, but hopefully not as much. You nod. You don't regret killing Dave. You don't regret killing him in the slightest. You'd do it again, if you could. You'd do it over, and over.

But you did regret beating Tavros.

That is something that never should have motherfuckin happened.

—

Friends? Oh. Yeah…You were kind of friends before all this. Your ears flick, back and forth. Then you give a slight smile. You look away for a second, then back at him. You can't really stay mad at anyone. Were you even mad? You should have been. You really should have…but you weren't.

You take his hands gently.

"y-yEAH„,wE'RE STILL FRIENDS„," You mutter, so low he could barely hear.

—

== Relief. That's the only thing you can think at this moment. You hug him one more time, before pulling away.

"fucking finally." You laugh. "THE PILLOW SHOULD REJOICE. won't have to motherfuckin be bit anymore."

You nod. You're friends. Maybe that's all that matters right now.

"I'M YOUR FRIEND. you're my friend. YOU'RE MY SLAVE. i'm your master."

== You squeeze his hands slightly, looking him in the eyes one more time. You don't say what you really want to say. You just let it flash through your mind.

I'm your friend, you're my flushcrush.


	5. Part III Act II

It was tonight. Tonight was the night of the moonrise. These were your favorite days. The days of bloodshed and overall death that completely went on without a consequence. It was a night where you could kill, destroy, and fuck up any motherfucker who gets in the way of you and your clubs.

You and_ your fucking messiahs. _

You and you brothers are restless, there's rage and excitement pumping through your veins.

And then you find out the troll you usually hunt with, another subjugglator, was killed. He would collect your trophies and you two would team on the motherfuckers who would try to fight back.

He got himself killed.

Fuck.

You clench your fist, snarling. You weren't going to let this blow things for you. You were going to go out tonight. And you were going to kill. You had someone to hunt with you, you just weren't quite sure if he was up to it.

At the same time, you honestly didn't care.

Your bloodlust was overwhelming you as you look for Tavros, who had left to do his chores for the afternoon. When you find him you lean forward, smirk on your face.

"guess what motherfucker. GUESS WHAT TONIGHT IS."

—

You look up at him from your constant sweeping. Tonight? No you didn't know. Which reminded you, you had to go sleep soon. The sun was rising. You stretch and yawn. You weren't really completely aware of—

Oh.

_Moonrise._

You gulp. Then you glance down. You wondered why he asked. He never usually took you out on moonrises…Not in the whole .46 sweep you've been here. And that's a while. You pray that he's not thinking of taking you out there.

You look into his eyes. Then you know. That's exactly what he was thinking. You look away, not saying anything. You let him talk again. Even though you had some objections to this situation, you didn't dare speak them.

—

You watch his face for the realization, smiling. Tonight was going to enlighten his blasphemous, rustblooded soul. It would make him realize what a true realization point in your life is.

"that's right, motherfucker. A MOTHERFUCKING MOONRISE. you're going to be accompanying me tonight. IT'LL BE A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE. you can see the real trials of a subjugglator. WHAT MAKES US SO MOTHERFUCKING POWERFUL. what makes our faith so fucking strong."

You take the broom from him, throwing it to the ground.

"we're motherfuckin done here. NO MORE CHORES. we have to get you armed. GET YOU MOTHERFUCKING PREPARED. follow me."

You walk off through the hallways, making way for the armory. You don't grab his hand, but you also don't request for him to stand next to you. How he would follow you is actually none of your concern, at this moment. Nothing is concerning you at this moment.

All you can think is murder.

—

You nod slowly, still in a bit of a daze. You stumbled after him, wondering why he didn't take your hand like usual. This was terrible. Something you hadn't been looking forward to. Something you wanted to avoid. But maybe it couldn't avoid you.

You walk after him, head down low. He wasn't even letting you stand next to him today. But that's okay you guess. You walk down the long hallway, outside, to the armory. Everything from your last visit here was gone.

Thank God.

You still shock though. You still trembled and gave a small whimper. Wrap your arms around yourself and remember. You really didn't want to kill that man. And God, it's been lingering in your mind ever since.

—

"DO YOU STILL LIKE LANCES, MOTHERFUCKER?"

Not waiting for him to answer, you go over to the lance section, shaking your head at the purple, royal lance he killed the blue blooded noble with. That wouldn't do, it had freaked him out too much. He was going to see death and carnage tonight, you needed him stable enough first.

You get on your toes, grabbing for a red and grey and white one. It was far less elegant, but the point was more direct.

You hold it in your hand for a few seconds, running your hand over the smooth texture of it, before offering it to Tavros.

"your weapon for tonight."

You sound fucking insane.

—

You stare at the lance. Your mind goes back to the Summoner's black beauty. You remember…That lance. He crafted it himself. You wanted to make your own too. Even in these tragic circumstances…You should ask. You maybe be able to talk him into it.

"i-i„,cAN i„,m-mAKE MY OWN„,g-gAMZEE?" You stutter out.

You must be careful of what you say. He seemed pretty unstable right now. You reach our, and touch this lance. Yes, it was fine and smooth. But not quite what you wanted. Even though you really wanted this one too! You may collect lances…maybe one day.

When you're free and this whole mess is over.

—

You shrug. Sounds good enough. He might as well get his own weapon, he'd been your slave for so long.

"later, after motherfuckin tonight. I'LL GET YOU THE SUPPLIES."

You make your way over to the area with clubs. The Grand Highblood had confiscated yours after the incident with Dave and hadn't gotten around to giving them back yet. It was starting to piss you off, but anger wasn't at the top of your mind.

You get on your tiptoes and grab a pair of clubs, both of them completely white. You liked the idea of ruining something so pure looking.

"but tonight, we'll be preoccupied."

You turn around, crazed look in your eyes.

"WE SHOULD GET OUT THERE. into the motherfuckin beauty that is the moonlight. INTO THE BEAUTY THAT IS BLOOD ON THE STREETS."

—

You take the lance. Fine, this would have to do for tonight. You watch Gamzee reach for the clubs. You kept your face straight. Gamzee should really get a moirial to balance himself out. That crazed look in his eyes…You wondered if Karkat was a good moirail to him.

He was sort of rude…But still he always did what was best for you. Best for the revolution. When he left with the Summoner you honestly felt abandon. By both of them. Though it seemed he always favored Karkat anyway. At least you had a lusus to stay with.

Until the Subjugglators came and captured you of course. That day…it seemed so long ago now. You shook your head, trying to push the memory to the back of your mind. When Gamzee talks to you again, you look down. Why did he have to be like this?

"„,i-i„,i WILL HAVE YOUR BACK„,bUT IN FULL HONESTY„,i-i WON'T KILL UNLESS SOMEONE THREATENS YOU LIFE„,"

—

== You nod, you didn't expect anything otherwise. With the clubs in hand, you make your way out the door of the armory, one of your hands going back and gesturing for him to follow. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't grab his hand right now.

The foyer is unsurprisingly empty today. Any motherfucker who is caught out, especially in the Palace, without the accompaniment of a Subjugglators, would be killed. It's almost eery seeing a place so normally busting with life go completely quiet.

As you get closer to the front door, you can hear the sound of laughter and honks from outside it. You make sure Tavros is close to you, if he steps too far his life will be taken almost instantly in this environment. You push it open, walking out the front gates.

The night air hits your face; you let out a loud battle honk. Every other honk goes silent for a few seconds, perhaps in appreciation. Then they reply. Laughter of hundreds of subjugglators hits the air.

"stomp your feet and clap your hands. LET'S KILL TONIGHT."

—

You follow as close to him as you can. Despite the fact you were just spacing out at this point. You lay you hand over his symbol on your shirt. In your blood color. You grip over the symbol. You wanted to tear it off of you. You really did. But you couldn't. You stop behind Gamzee as he walks out of the door.

He lets out a horrific honk. You face stays straight. You really wished you could return to your room. But, not tonight it seems. Time was acting pretty foolish. It was probably mad at you for slaying its Knight. You step next to him, calmly looking down at the rest of the Subjugglators.

You gave this a quick thought now and then but…They were below you. But the only thing that made them below you…was Gamzee. It was…sort of a power you suppose? A power you didn't want, but you were sure would come in handy one day. You thought of how…How disappointed Karkat and the Summoner would be in you…if they found you like this.

You look down, and then shake away the thoughts. They were moving. Gamzee was moving. You follow closely behind.

—

You look around at the scenario behind you; the groups of subjugglators are starting to split apart. They were waiting for you, and now they know that it's alright to parade the streets. Some break off into a dead run, possibly already detecting their prey if they had powers to allow them to do so.

You didn't have any powers, but you always got at least one kill on these nights.

People who didn't lock their doors, who forgot the night and couldn't make it back to their hive in time, to people who are just fucking idiots and decided to try and be vigilantes and take down a few subjugglators.

The night suddenly goes eerily quiet.

The celebrations were over. The hunts were on. Honks would only ring out when a kill was made.

honk.

You laughed at it, smirking. These nights were great.

HONK.

Closer this time.

You turn to Tavros, wicked smile on your face. You look around, before smashing in a window and looking into the building. Nothing.

It's so quiet.

honk.

—

You frown. Breaking the windows was cheating. You should stop thinking of this as a game though. You watch him, and the other's break into a run. You keep in turn with the animals every so often. They tell you if any other trolls are near by. If they are, you're sure to get the animal to help to safety…or at least try to.

You wondered if Gamzee had any powers like you did. But, you shake if off, treading behind him. The streets were almost completely empty. Some Subjuggulators broke into shops, stealing food and anything else that they wanted. You just sat and watch the injustice take place.

If Karkat was here, you would either be home or out fighting them. Again, you would be forced to sit in your hive all night…Alone. Him and the Summoner would be the ones out here saving people. But, you saw no sign of either of them. Very unfortunate. Gamzee takes you by, and you finally realize…

You're in your ghetto. Your hive wasn't too far from here. Maybe you could go back. But you really didn't want to sneak off away from Gamzee. You walk next to him, keeping your head down.

"„,i USED TO LIVE HERE," you mutter.

—

You are broken from your concentration when he speaks, pointing your club at him and growling. Then you realize it's Tavros and you laugh, lowering the club. You look around the area, at how shitty it is. The hives are small and the place is slightly torn down.

"well, hope you don't have any friends here the—"

You stop mid-sentence. What was that?

You hear a crack from behind you. You flip around on your heel and a rust is coming at you full speed with what looks like a katana. You smirk and dodge the attack. The rust growls and falls to the ground, getting back up and attacking you again. You block the attack with your club.

"HEY, MOTHERFUCKER."

He looks shocked for the second that you talk to him, and he stops fighting. You take the opportunity to smack him over the head. He falls over and looks up at you in shock, putting a hand up to try and stop you. You smack him over, and over, until he's barely recognizable.

"bye, motherfucker."

You freeze for a second, then yell to the air. "HONK."

Then another noise breaks your concentration.

"gamz33! what are you doing?"

—

You take a step back when he pointed his club to you. You frowned, but otherwise, no fear showed in you. You give a slight sigh of relief when he smiles at you, a more smug smile than anything. Then you see another rest coming for him, sword in hand. You noticed Gamzee easily detected it.

You just stood, and didn't move. Once Gamzee had him down, he reached to you. For help. You frown. As he's beaten, he yells. Curses you. He was one of the many young ones in the Summoner's ranks.

"D-Damn you Nitram! You coward!" He yelled.

You just turned away, your ears going down.

As he laid dying under Gamzee, he pointed at you with his remaining strength.

"This is why…y-you'll never be…his heir…"

You sigh, and refuse to open your eyes until, you hear a voice you recognized. Another Disciple. Whom left sweeps ago, you open your eyes, looking left and right for her. She was here. She had already gained her own title.

The Hunter.

—

Your body is practically shaking with anticipation. You knew this one, you knew this kill. She was Zahhak's moirail, the little kitty cat girl. She'd come to the palace every now and again. You barely knew her, she barely knew you. You didn't even know her name.

And now you'd never have to get to know her. You throw your head back and laugh, before turning around. She's standing there, looking at the body of the young rust with eyes wide and one hand over her mouth.

"i'm doing what i'm meant to do. KILLING PATHETIC WASTES OF POPULATION LIKE HIM." You step on the rust's now unbreathing stomach. "come on, kitty cat, don't you know the night?"

She looks at you, confused, then shakes her head slowly. She didn't live in this city normally, she lived outside of the land. In a cave.

"IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING MOON RISE!"

"he was my furriend!"

"and now he's dead."

The two of you lock eyes, and she lets out a loud hiss, before extending her claws.

—

You gasp. Then grit you teeth. You couldn't let Gamzee kill her. In yet, she should know better. Even if she lived in and out of the city, she should know. You look down, your hands trembling. You grip the handle of the lance tightly.

Gamzee was distracted. His back turned to you. You could save her. You could…Stop him. Once and for all. But…No You can't do it. Your feelings…whatever they maybe for him…were getting in your way. All of them. You couldn't do anything.

"„,n-nEPETA„,d-dON'T„," You whisper.

You look down. She glances at you, then back at him with a hiss. You have a feeling her seeing you like this only infuriated her more. No pun intended. She growls, he honks. And you're just silent.

—

You watch her slowly, awaiting her movements. The two of you start to circle each other, awaiting the first attack. You know what she's doing, testing your fear levels and making sure she can get a weak point. She's a hunter, but so are you. You just.. needed to get her rage on.

"motherfucker, imagine equius' surprise when i bring home his moirail's fuckin head."

She looks taken aback by this comment, as if she forgot that you deal with Equius every day of your life.

"MAYBE I'LL JUST FUCKIN KILL HIM, TOO. GET TWO BIRDS WITH ONE MOTHERFUCKING STONE."

You'd never kill Equius. He was a promising e%ecutioner in training. He'd have to do a lot to fuck up that hard.

"the only one who is going down is you, gamz33!"

"and your motherfuckin meowrai—"

She hisses, jumping into the air and lunging at you full speed. You're taken aback when there are suddenly claws against your face, but you don't flinch. The bloodlust is too high. In fact, you grab her hand and guide it against your face, cutting the entire thing.

—

You stare in awe, but stand back. There was nothing you could do. Between the two of them You would get ripped apart. You look down, then back up. You kept on your toes. You gulp down a lump in your throat.

You watch as she falls for his trick. The "Make them Rage" trick. She pounces at him, and she grabs her wrist. He broke it, you heard the snap. And he…cuts his own face, with the widest smile. You heart sinks.

You knew this wouldn't end well. Not at all. You…Could end all of this. But, at what price? Your own life? Nepeta's life? You just stood there, confused. Keeping a blank look on your face. Even as Gamzee was killing one of your friends.

She used to trust you….She trust you…But you won't save her. Because you can't.

—

You snap her wrist again, the other way this time. She's shocked, both physically and mentally as you throw her to the ground. You get closer to her, smirking.

"honk."

She scoots away with her one working hand.

"HONK."

She's going going to escape you.

"honk."

You press your foot right in front of her, holding your clubs idly between two fingers. She's trying not to cry, but you can see green tears forming at the side of her eyes.

"tavros! please! please help me!"

—

You just, stare at her. Into her eyes. Your own eyes looked pretty damn sorry though. Then, you look away. You bite your lip, tears welling in your eyes. You couldn't watch this. Not when you were so helpless. You take a deep, shaky breath.

"„,l-lO SIENTO„,n-nEPETA„," You mutter.

And again, you didn't care if Gamzee killed you for using your language. That was the language you would talk to her in. And she would learn from you, you from her. She and you had had good times. But..It seems you would have no more. And this would be your last memory of her.

What a terrible memory. Branded into your mind like the brands on your skin. You hold your wrist up, showing the brand, clear for her to see.

"n-nOTHING i CAN DO„,i-i'M ONLY HIS PROPERTY„,"

—

You smirk as he totally turns down her plea for help, her plea for Tavros to save her. Such a good motherfuckin slave. You press a kiss to his lips gently before gripping your clubs harder in your hand.

You can see her eyes widen in shock before you feel a smile twitch against your lips, "bye, kitty cat girl."

You lift your club, bringing it down against her head. She screams the first time, whimpers the second, gasps the third, and is silent by the fourth. You laugh and throw your head back.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK."

—

You let your head fall, tears still welling in your eyes. Everything was happening too fast. Too soon. Nothing was fare. And everything was terrifying. You gasp, feeling him tilt your chin up, and he…Kisses you again. You just stand there, unresponsive…When he pulls away…

Green. Everywhere. He slams the club into her head. You flinch. He does it again and again and again and you flinch each time. You look down, your ears follow your eyes. You didn't even know what to think anymore. You look at the symbol branded into your wrist. You just stare at it.

Then the brown symbol on your shirt. No longer your symbol. But…his…HIS…You bow your head again, saying a silent prayer in your mind. You again couldn't save anyone. Even though this time…You really could have. Your feelings were getting in the way…of EVERYTHING. And God they made you feel so helpless.

—

You smirk as you bend down next to the now dead green-blood and pick up the pelt she was wearing on her head. You put it on yours, not caring about the ugly stains that now were presiding on it. You have this endless grin on your face.

The only thing you can think about is how Equius will react.

You slide her claws off of her hands, as well. These fucking things clawed the shit out of your face and you didn't like it. You didn't like it one bit. You were probably going to scar, with three ugly gashes across your face. How fucking ugly would that be?

Actually, probably not too ugly at all.

Battle wounds.

You go over to the rust, looking at him. He had absolutely nothing of importance on him except for the Katina, which even then looked pretty worthless. Rusts are so pathetic, it's almost hilarious. You bend down and rip his horns off, tossing them Tavros' way.

Trophies.

—

You just watch, with sad eyes. Nothing but sorrow and regret in them. Your mind turns back to…to…You shake the thought and look at the lance. Maybe…If you feel on it…Things would get better for everyone. And your friends wouldn't have to die. You sigh. Then look up.

You reach to catch the horns, put ends up dropping them. You scrabbles to pick them up, tears in his eyes. Everything was going down hill for you again. You began to huff and sob. You held the horns, looking at the blood dripping from then. Then you look at Gamzee. Then all around. You were…home.

Yet, you couldn't go home. You couldn't…go…Home…Even though it was just a hop, skip, and a jump away. Tinkerbull wouldn't be waiting for you. Nor Karkat. Nor The Summoner. No one was left. No one who cared about you left. But…Gamzee. Gamzee… "Cared" right…

Might as well stay with him huh? You close your eyes. You couldn't keep your mind away from home.

—

You crack your neck, looking over at Tavros and swinging your club up and resting it on your shoulder.

"good fuckin kills tonight, DON'T YOU THINK? equius is going to be so mad."

You laugh, you laugh, you laugh. As if this is the funniest thing you've ever said. You know there's a high chance the blueblood will snap and try to kill you over this, but you don't care.

You just killed two people.

Within the same ten minute period.

Life is good.

—

You didn't utter a single word to him, even as he spoke to you. You didn't really want to leave, but…You didn't want him to leave you either. Maybe…If you begged he would stay here with you. He would stay… Then you shake it off. You know full well that's just a silly dream you've been having for far too long. He probably doesn't really have red feelings for you…they were all probably black. And you hated that.

Everything was…terrible. Everything was a nightmare. You turned around, your back to him. You didn't care if another Subjuggulator came and killed you. You were pretty useless anyway. It was days like this that reminded you of Dave. You remember the scars on your back. And now you were going to remember Nepeta. Someone who was your friend.

You let Gamzee get away with it again. You let him hurt you and get away with it. You feel to your knees, dropping the lance, the horns. Burying your face into your hands. You didn't even want to look at him. Or yourself. Or anyone. Dave's blood was on your hands. As well as Nepeta's now.

You were a loser, a wimp. A coward. A little slave boy. And You hated yourself for it.

—

You blink as he turns around, turns from you. You go to yell at him, plan to beat the fuck out of him, and then he falls to the ground and curls his head into his hand. Your eye twitches lightly, but you kneel next to him and try to shove all of the murderous thoughts to the back of your mind.

Putting the clubs on the ground, you move to the front of him and hold him.

"shh."

It occurs to you a subjugglator could come and see you acting like this to your slave at any moment.

You stroke his hair gently.

"don't fuckin cry."

A honk breaks out in the sky above, you look up and see the moons in the sky. You know you'd probably not get any more kills than the two you already got lucky with.

Honk.

You grab his arms and wrap them around yours.

"DON'T FUCKIN CRY."

—

"g-gOD„,i-i'M TIRED„," You sob out.

This was the worst time to do this. The worst. But if anyone caught you the worst that would happen to Gamzee was a beating. You would be killed. You really had no problem with that anymore. Death was in front of you trying to comfort you anyway.

"i'M T-TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS„," You slam your palms into the ground.

"t-tIRED OF BEING ME, o-oH GOD„,a-aLL MY FRIENDS ARE DYING,"

You're screaming now. Screaming and crying. You had kept all this built up for so long. You've seen so much death, been forced to kill. And people except for you not to be mentally effected? Well, that was pretty silly of them.

"i-iT'S ALL MY FAULT BECAUSE g-gOD„,i-i CAN'T„,i CAN'T DO ANYTHING!"

You hear another honk. Time for the carnival. A very dark one. But you weren't looking forward to it at all.

"wHY HAVEN'T YOU GOTTEN RID OF ME YET! w-whAT PURPOSE DO i HAVE!" You grab his arms.

"w-wHY DON'T YOU JUST END IT ALL ALREADY! i THOUGHT i COULD HANDLE THIS B-BUT i CAN'T!"

—

He's screaming.

It brings back harsh memories, and fast. The first time you killed sober. You were six sweeps old, and you were forced out on a moon rise. Much like this one. In fact, it was almost exactly like this one. You were forced out with one of the Grand Highblood's subjugglators.

You had killed, what was it? Ah, yeah. You'd killed a yellowblood. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to remember.

She had begged you not to do it. She was a fullgrown woman, probably could had defended herself if not for the subjugglator at your side. You blocked out so much from this memory. It was so hard to remember.

… fuck.

You shake your head. You just remember screaming, crying, clawing at the subjugglator, and refusing to leave your respiteblock ever again.

"i'm not going to motherfuckin end it abruptly." You hiss, grabbing his wrists and holding them. You look into his eyes, glaring hard.

"WHY DO I STILL KEEP YOU AROUND? you want to motherfuckin know? WHY HAVEN'T I GOTTEN RID OF YOU? i could be fuckin cruel and say the answer you want to hear, I CAN SAY THE ANSWER YOU EXPECT, and say it's because you're my slave. OR I COULD SAY THE TRUTH."

You hug him tightly.

"i care about you. IT WAS A DUMB FUCKING IDEA TAKING YOU OUT HERE. this'll be the first and last fuckin time."

—

You grit your teeth, a little bit of anger flashing on your face when he grabs your wrist. You glare back at him. But, the glare ends up dying. You look down, listening closely to how he answers you. You look down, not wanting to look into those eyes. At all.

Then, oh so suddenly, you were in his arms. You take a few breaths, laying your hands on his chest, near his shoulders, looking up at him. Tears still came down your cheek, but you were silent, your heart aching. You didn't know if he was lying or not. Something to do with his Subjuggulator mind games.

You…didn't want to know. You just wanted it to be true. So bad. That's all you wanted was for him to be telling you that he actually cares. You press your face into his shoulder, sobbing.

"i-i„,oH GOD„," You take a huge breath.

"t-tHANK YOU„,"

—

You run your hand through his mohawk, feeling kind of awkward. You didn't hug very often, yet you felt like this one was going to last for a little bit. You were also in public with a bunch of angry subjugglators around you. You pushed both of those thoughts to the back of your mind.

"don't cry." You whisper, then lift up his chin and wipe at his tears. "RUST ISN'T A GOOD COLOR ON YOU."

Rust isn't a good color on anyone.

"rust tears, i mean. fuck."

You laugh sheepishly and put your arms down. He can hug you as long as he wants, but you weren't going to hug him back any longer, it was too… confusing… for you. Yeah, confusing was a good word.

"WE ONLY HAVE TO GO TO THE WALL OF MIRACLES. then you won't have to come out here anymore."

The dark carnival, the wall of miracles. You paint with the blood of your kill on the mural, and then have a carnival. You figured you could skip the carnival for tonight, or at least send Tavros home.

Unless you were forced to go.

Which was a pretty large possibility.

—

You just stare up at him for a second. You hands were still on his chest. You glace down, your lips parted. Eyes rusty and puffy. You let your hands slip from him, you stand, turning away. You wrap your arms around yourself, rubbing your own arms nervously.

He said he cared about you. He said…he cared. You looked at him, the most confused and lost you've ever been in your time with him. But, then you look away again to pick up the lance. You let out a sniffle, rubbing your eyes. Then, it was back to wearing that mask.

You walked behind him, staying there. Staying silent. You needed to think pretty badly. Until you were done, you wouldn't utter a word. Not that you were sure if you wanted to talk to him ever again anyway. You looked around. At your home. Empty, melancholy.

Just like any other moonrise. Your hive wasn't too far off…One of the only hives not connected to another. But still pretty small. If was tough sharing it with two other trolls and two lusus, but at least you were never alone. Not alone like you felt these days.

You just glance at Gamzee, then you mutter a soft,

"„,wE C-CAN LEAVE NOW„,i-iF YOU WANT„,"

—

You nod, picking up your clubs. You also picked up both bodies, lying the clubs on top of them. You knew the green and rust would stain your shirt, but you didn't care. In fact, it kind of was part of the fun. You'd never wear the shirt again, but it was a good reminder of the kill that night.

Why weren't these kills fun anymore?

You glance over at Tavros, who is hugging himself tight enough that if he lets go you fear he might fall apart. He's probably going to go home and cry. Probably going to go home and cry for a few hours. A few days. A few weeks.

You weren't quite sure.

It would a while, though. You shake your head. At least you didn't ask him for help in killing them.

"walk behind me. NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE LESS THAN ME. don't want you seeing the bodies anymore than you have to."

Why were you being such a little _pansy_? He was your slave, not your wriggler. Not your moirail. Not your matesprit.

He wasn't your anything.

He'd never be your anything.

You squeeze your eyes shut, looking down. Then you open them, and make your way towards the wall of miracles. It was hidden from the public. A rumor that it existed went around, but most didn't believe that the subjugglators actually painted with the blood of their victims.

It was behind a few intricate alleyways and…

There it was.

You freeze and look at it. It was beautiful. Sweeps of work had gone into this thing. Sweeps of fresh blood and kills.

Sweeps of talented artists.

—

You took one last glance at your home. The home where you, Karkat, Tinkerbull, Crabdad (Karkat's rather funny lusus) and The Summoner had spent your days. Where you were young, and you had grown. You hated the palace. So in closed…Like a prison. Out here is was barren…But also more free. You lived on the outskirts of the neighborhood, the very last hive before miles and miles of sand and rock.

You remembered exploring this place. This barren kingdom. One you heard you would rule yourself one day. But of course this land, the Land Of Sand and Zephyr, is just another part of the Land of Mirth and Tents now. A mere tiny providence. You frown, glancing at all the abandoned hives, things left behind.

You can't help but look back ever as you leave. A smooth zephyr going through the air. But of course, that's what this place was famous for…Right? You sigh. Just looking down at Gamzee's feet and following him. You both stop in front of the fabled Wall of Miracles.

You don't even glance up at it. You didn't want to look at it. You just wanted to be gone. Your heart was suddenly sick for home. You supposed it was because you had finally been back…After so long…And…Then you were here. Back in your nightmare. Even though you were so close to waking up.

—

An elder subjugglator comes back and pats you on the back. You turn your head up towards him, he's a tall motherfucker, and give him a proud smile. He laughs at your kills, eyes lighting up at it and looking at it as if a dad looks at a child presenting a drawing of a stick figure.

He was the first subjugglator to ever bring you out on a moonrise. He still had the scars on his cheeks from when you had scratched the hell out of him. In fact, he displayed them proudly.

Like you would now display your wounds proudly.

He was a better mentor to you than the Grand Highblood ever could be.

"GO PainT, YounG GranD HighblooD. YoU MakE ME ProuD."

You hated that title. _Young Grand Highblood_. As if you had to become your ancestor. You nod up at him, and he nods back. He looks at your slave and nods at Tavros as well, perhaps as a sign of respect. Tavros was technically higher than him; he couldn't touch him.

You walk towards your section on the wall of miracles, leaving him behind and taking Tavros with you. It's colored with quite a few colors and has plenty of intricate designs. You've based your style off of the murals in your palace, as they were the art you knew.

You are proud of your work, and you nudge Tavros to look at it.

—

You look up from your feet. No emotions are expressed. Right now, your were a simple slave, your emotions varied. Yours was a dull one. And it stayed that way. Even though your thought the Wall and Gamzee's style…They were beautiful. But, you thinking this fact…

Made you sick to your stomach. You weren't suppose to thinking this is beautiful. That all this hideous and sense murder was a beautiful thing. It's not. And it never well be. No matter what form you put blood into on a wall…It's still blood.

The blood of the innocence, of the the noble, of the weak. All this wall wanted to make you do was cry and vomit. Because this was…sick. All of it just made you sick. The fact that Gamzee was raised this way makes it more sickening. And you actually feel another rare ping of anger go through you.

For the Grand Highblood. And the ones before him. It was then you realized…You and Gamzee were enslaved together. And you weren't alone. You sigh, and take his hand into yours, looking down at your feet again.

"„,y-yEAH„,iT LOOKS GOOD,"

—

You put the bodies down and hold his hand in yours, stroking your thumb over that symbol of yours. It had become almost a habit. Your other hand goes down and you scoop green blood into your hand. You laugh at your painting of the disciple, as you start to shade it.

"kind of motherfuckin accurate now."

You know it's a cruel joke right now. You're painting with the blood of his now dead friend.

"SO MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL, THOUGH."

You squeeze his hand, looking at him. He looks pale.

"don't have to have no emotions. YOU CAN TELL ME HOW SICK THIS MAKES YOU."

Of course a rust won't accept how beautiful this is. Or, maybe he does. You're not sure. You just want him to be honest with you. You prefer it that way. Like you've said in the past, you don't like a silent slave.

—

You really didn't feel like talking. You look away from him when he ran his hand over his symbol. It was starting to become lighter, the scabbed parts long gone. You may have to be re-branded soon. You frown at the thought.

"„,i-i„, i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL R-RIGHT NOW„,o-oKAY?"

That was the honest truth. What could you say? What could you do? You sigh, and let your hand slip away from his. You just wanted to go curl up in a corner and die. Nothing was…safe. You never felt safe. You never felt…Free. But, you'd rather be in your stone prison than here. Anywhere but out here ever again.

On this damned night.

—

You put the bodies down and hold his hand in yours, stroking your thumb over that symbol of yours. It had become almost a habit. Your other hand goes down and you scoop green blood into your hand. You laugh at your painting of the disciple, as you start to shade it.

"kind of motherfuckin accurate now."

You know it's a cruel joke right now. You're painting with the blood of his now dead friend.

"SO MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL, THOUGH."

You squeeze his hand, looking at him. He looks pale.

"don't have to have no emotions. YOU CAN TELL ME HOW SICK THIS MAKES YOU."

Of course a rust won't accept how beautiful this is. Or, maybe he does. You're not sure. You just want him to be honest with you. You prefer it that way. Like you've said in the past, you don't like a silent slave.

—

You really didn't feel like talking. You look away from him when he ran his hand over his symbol. It was starting to become lighter, the scabbed parts long gone. You may have to be re-branded soon. You frown at the thought.

"„,i-i„, i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL R-RIGHT NOW„,o-oKAY?"

That was the honest truth. What could you say? What could you do? You sigh, and let your hand slip away from his. You just wanted to go curl up in a corner and die. Nothing was…safe. You never felt safe. You never felt…Free. But, you'd rather be in your stone prison than here. Anywhere but out here ever again.

On this damned night.

—

You nod and continue painting. You paint the Disciple, green blood going into the outfit she wears. You had always admired the Disciple, you didn't know why. You probably just found her beautiful. Perhaps it was the fact that the Sufferer and she had done so much as just together.

There was no quadrants between them, only love.

You didn't understand the concept of that word. You had always been a first believer in the quadrants, yet, the fact that it worked so well for some people didn't deter your mind too much from the idea.

Equius' ancestor had spared her life, and she had fled. Nobody had really seen her much since then. It had caused Equius to always be loyal to highb100ds, to make up for the shame that came with the feat.

It was amazing how much history went into your little group of misfits.

You scoop some of the rust's blood for the sky behind her. His blood was a shade between red and brown, so it worked beautifully for the shading of the skyline.

—

You just stare. This practice…was terrifying. You gulp down that lump that had crawled back up your throat. You just stood and stared, waiting for that moment when he said 'we can leave'. You grip that handle of the lance, thanking the Sufferer you didn't have to use it this time around.

Maybe he would let you tread back home by yourself. I mean, as long as his symbol is seen on you, you can't be touched could you? You just really wanted to leave. Because you were starting to feel sick. Again.

"„,m-mASTER„," you murmur.

You felt brave.

"i-i„,cAN i„,s-sTEP OFF THE SACRED GROUNDS? i-i'M FEELING SICK AGAIN„,"

—

You stare at him, looking at your painting. It was still incomplete, yet, you didn't want him to leave you. A subjugglator's view is kill first, check later. If someone killed Tavros you would never forgive yourself. You didn't care what anyone said, he was your friend.

You shrugged. You could finish this later. You'll ask a subjugglator to preserve the bodies for you until the next moonrise.

"… one sec."

You put one more lining of green down from the disciples eyes to her cheek. Tears, as she looks pleadingly up at Darkleer. You step back, admiring your work. You have become such a good artist over the sweeps.

"FINE."

You wipe the blood off with your shirt and then take his hand.

"i'm done."

—

You just keep your eyes on your feet at this point. You drew your hand away from his. More of a flinch. Then mutter an apology before stepping behind him. You hear screams in the distance still. With terrifying circus music booming from a large tent.

The Dark Carnival. Also, it was used as an arena for slave fights on moonrise instead of the normal one they normally use. You hear cheering and honking. The sound of weapons. Sometimes the Sea Dwellers would bring their slave to the arena.

They usually one. Because Sea Dwellers usually got slaves with powers. You wondered if Gamzee knew about your power? Maybe now would be a good time to tell him you suppose. Maybe that will help you avoid that damn Carnival.

"„,m-mASTER i HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT,"

—

You hiss as he pulls his hand away, grabbing it hard again. Fucking slave doesn't get to pull away. Oh Hell— what was that thought? You figure you're still a bit loopy from the occasion.

Then he says something.

You blink, you didn't expect him to speak. At least not willingly.

Then he brings up the fact that it's important.

"oh, fuckin really?" You turn around looking at him. He's absolutely terrified and looks sick, which you should have expected. It still throws you off guard a bit. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO TELL ME? what _haven't_you told me?"

You stare at him.

—

This time you don't flinch away from his grip. No matter how much it hurt. You were sure it would bruise tomorrow. You bit your lip. Maybe now was the wrong time. Though your proposal for him to kill you still stood. So, might as well tell him anyway.

"i-i'M„,nOT AS USELESS AS YOU THINK i AM,"

Yes, talking to the animals was the only good thing you could do. They listen to you, they understood. You look at a bird in a far of tree, laying your left hand on the side of your head under your left horn. You communicated with it, and it flow over to you, perching on your horns.

"i UHH„,h-hAVE POWERS TOO, aNIMALS LISTEN TO ME„,t-thEY DO WHAT i SAY, i T-TALK TO THEM„,tHEY'RE MY FRIEND,"

You let the bird land in your hand. Then you sent it another command mentally, and it flew back into its tree.

—

You watch as the bird flies over to Tavros, shock actually flashing over your features. Holy shit, he'd been your slave for the equivalent of a human year and he hadn't even shown you the fact he can commune with animals? Of course it made sense; the Summoner could do the same but—

"wait, are you fuckin serious?"

You half laugh half gasp out that sentence, and then blink.

"HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A FUCKING USEFUL POWER. i always fuckin wondered why the rats at the palace hated me."

Rats plural was kind of wrong. There was only one rat, and he would just kind of stare at you from a shelf that you couldn't reach. Every day. It was actually really terrifying, but you didn't let yourself get afraid of some stupid rodent.

"SO WAIT, HOW BIG OF ANIMALS ARE WE TALKING? and why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

You put your hands on your hips.

"COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU TRAINING. worked that shit so it was more powerful."

—

You mess with your fingers. He mentions Ms. Ratington! You had to tell him about her. He really didn't understand anything about her. She just wants him to feed him. Subjuggulators usually treated rats pretty bad, so she stayed in Gamzee's room where he just really didn't care.

"„,s-sHE JUST WANTS A BIT OF FOOD MASTER„," you mutter.

He wasn't mad. Thank God he wasn't mad. And training? For what? Your powers didn't really require any training.

"i-i CAN COMMUNE WITH ANY ANIMAL REALLY! e-eVEN lUSII!" That was true.

You would spend days communicating with other troll's lusii. Maybe if Gamzee's lusus were still alive, you could have talked him into coming home. And maybe Gamzee would go back to being who ever he was before this.

—

Oh, she, it's a female rat. Oh well, ugly nonetheless. You didn't care if a stupid rodent was hungry. You shake your head as he speaks.

He didn't need to be trained, apparently. He must have spent a lot of time as a wriggler communicating with animals. You entertain yourself with the idea of Tavros sitting in his hive making feral cats come so he can play with them.

Maybe that's how he and kitty cat girl— you really needed to learn her name— became friends.

Holy shit, even lusii? This little motherfucker was hiding this amazing talent from you. You don't know whether to smack him over the head or hug him for this. You shake your head. He must have been really close to his lusus if that was the truth.

"i really wish killing lusus wasn't part of becoming enslaved."

You scratch your head and think about it for a second.

You were practically the Grand Highblood's slave, weren't you?

—

You sigh. You missed your dear Tinkerbull. You two would play for hours on end. He would take good care of you when Karkat and the Summoner were gone. Snuggling up with you one cold winter nights. You remember the day he died…vividly.

You shake your head, trying to get the thought out of you mind. He was so tiny…So defenseless. Those Subjuggulators just ripped them to shreds. You grab your own arm at the thought, then nodded at Gamzee. You turned away from his face.

"„,t-tHAT'S ALL i HAD TO TELL YOU MASTER„," You muttered.

You think if you would have hid it any longer he would be really angry. But having powers qualify you more for the Slave Arenas…You prayed Gamzee didn't get any ideas.

—

You nod.

"then let's go home."

You weren't going to force him to go to the Dark Carnival. Not this time. Not this time? What were you saying? You're not taking him out here again. At least not for a few sweeps. You two were so alike and so different in every way. His emotions, everything he felt, you felt like you could connect to what happened to him tonight.

You had been forced to go to the Carnival as well, your first time.

You watched slaves tear each-other apart just for the sake of tearing each-other apart. You watched masters cheer on their slaves for tearing other slaves apart.

You shook.

You couldn't even imagine sending Tavros into one of those arenas.

You were so close to him.

You'd never admit that —

no, you would admit that outloud.

"LET'S GO HOME."

—

You stare at him. He was shaking. This concerned you, and you take his hand again. Rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb. You walk on behind him, back towards the palace. You wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he was upset about missing the dark carnival?

"i-iS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT MASTER?"

You mutter as you get to the palace entrance. You open the door for him, walking in after he does. You then wait to hear an answer. Though he didn't owe you one. At all. And He never would. But you take his hand again.

Slave or not, you were a reassuring person. He could tell you anything he wanted. You don't think he knew that though. You sort of wondered if he just…Plain hated you and was just messing with your emotions. Just for his sick highblood kicks.

—

You shake your head.

"not really."

You close your eyes, all of the memories flashing back to you fast. Your mentor making you bet on the strongest slave, making you watch as that one, that one seadweller with the brand on his forehead, got shoved into the arena with a rust blood who would want nothing more but to get rid of a highblood.

Even if that highblood was only a slave for the need to aid slaves to their freedom.

You sigh.

"NO, I'M NOT REALLY THAT OKAY."

It had been so much easier, so so much easier, to think about these things when you didn't have a slave of your own. If you didn't see what Tavros' emotions did every fucking day. It was so much easier to hate their guts, to hate every part of them just simply because of their blood.

"but that's fine."

You walk through the halls, holding your head high.

Then you see Equius. The two of you lock eyes, and he looks at the hat on your head. His expression goes from shock, to anger, to glancing at the ground. He couldn't do anything about it. You took the hat off and tossed it to him, huge smirk on your face.

"KITTY GOT CLAWS."

You laugh, you laugh at the hurt look on his face, and you try to pretend the guilt that hit from that statement didn't exist.

Just.

Laugh.

Pretend.

—

You sigh. He looked pretty melancholy. Until of course, Equius was down the hall. You looked away. You couldn't face him. You couldn't even glace into his hidden eyes. You don't even look up from your face when Equius sees you two. You couldn't.

You grip Gamzee's other hand tightly as he tosses that hat at Equius. What kind of master holds their slave's hand? The other Subjugglators question it, the other slaves do…You do too. You still didn't let go. You felt as if you couldn't.

But as soon as you walked passed Equius, and made your way to the slave quarters, you let go of him. Glancing up at him. You just wanted…To sleep. You mutterer a soft goodnight before turning around to walk into your barrack.

—

You take his hand again and shake your head. You lean forward and press your lips against his hand, gesturing towards the stairs. You pull him away from the slave quarters. You knew the emotional bullshit he was going to have to deal with when he laid down.

You run your hand through his hair, looking at him in the slightly lit hallway, lit only by a small wall light. It was quiet and empty, despite the fact that the Dark Carnival had started and it was safe to come out without being murdered now. Most didn't take the chance, in case a subjugglator had strayed away from the crown.

You slightly wondered if Equius would have let you kill him if you had decided to turn on him back there. You shake your head.

"not leaving you alone tonight."

—

You stare, that's all you can do…Besides turn a light brown. You glance up at him, looking confused. He then leads you away from the door. You were looking down still, keeping your head down. He lead you down the hall.

It was strangely empty. But the Dark Carnival was raging outside, so everything was fine. Just…the quiet disturbed you. Aradia must be with the Grand Subjuggulator, and the rest of the slaves watching the fights. You were the lucky one…The sheltered one. You kind of thought it not fair.

You hear him say he's not leaving you alone. This makes you grip his hand tighter, moving closer to him. He didn't want to leave you behind. Not like Karkat did…Not like The Summoner did. He wanted to stay here with you. For you to stay here with him.

"„,t-tHANKS gAMZEE,"

—

You stare, that's all you can do…Besides turn a light brown. You glance up at him, looking confused. He then leads you away from the door. You were looking down still, keeping your head down. He lead you down the hall.

It was strangely empty. But the Dark Carnival was raging outside, so everything was fine. Just…the quiet disturbed you. Aradia must be with the Grand Subjuggulator, and the rest of the slaves watching the fights. You were the lucky one…The sheltered one. You kind of thought it not fair.

You hear him say he's not leaving you alone. This makes you grip his hand tighter, moving closer to him. He didn't want to leave you behind. Not like Karkat did…Not like The Summoner did. He wanted to stay here with you. For you to stay here with him.

"„,t-tHANKS gAMZEE,"

—

You pull him up the stairs, getting a slight deja vu from when you had to pull him down them when the Grand Highblood first gave this slave to you. You shook your head, as you get to your room. You don't really care anymore; you just want to spend tonight with him.

As you two enter your respiteblock, more memories flood in.

Him getting branded.

Him brushing your hair before meeting Dave.

You squeeze your eyes shut.

"shit, it's been a while since we've been up here together."

—

He walks you into his dim lit repiteblock, the only light was the fire in the corner. The one he had burned your clothes in. You ears god down. Then you remembered the time you had cut his hair. It's gone back to being think, long mane now. You always kept your mohawk nice and trimmed unlike him though.

Maybe he should try a mohawk? Hmm…Maybe not. He looked kind of upset. Your expression didn't waver at all. Flat, emotionless. The memories of this place weren't bad. But they weren't good either. Everything was all mixed up.

"„,yEAH„,i-i GUESS„,iT HAS„,"

You squeeze his hand.

—

You squeeze back, pulling him over to your bed. You sit on it, letting go of his hand and patting the area next to you. You really just wanted him to be next to you right now. You briefly wonder if you want him here because you don't want him to be alone right now, or if you don't want to be alone right now.

You were so used to being alone.

"I REMEMBER STUPID THINGS ABOUT HERE."

You laugh, pressing your fingers against your temple.

"like how you said you'd show me your poetry one day. OR WAS THAT IN THE SLAVE QUARTERS? my mind is so fucked up right now. BLOODLUST DOES THAT TO ME."

—

You nod, walking over to him. You sit on the bed next to him, smiling softly at him. You couldn't be that mad at him. You take that hand away from his temple. You kiss his cheek, and sigh. Everything was so…Heavy right now.

"yOU JUST„,i MEAN„,iT'S FINE gAMZEE," You mutter.

You wait for him to invite you to lie down. You were so tired. You just lean on him, looking up at the ceiling. It was rare you two could be like this. Alone. Without anyone to see what really goes on between you two. You really did love your relationship with Gamzee. Even if in the end you were just a useless slave to him.

—

You feel your face flush indigo when his lips touch your cheek, damnit, not very prince-like.

You stare at him in shock for a few seconds before kissing his cheek back, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. You pull the two of you down on the bed, holding him close. Fuck this shit, he was yours. You didn't care if he didn't want to be yours.

"not really. SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN YOU OUT THERE."

You run your hand through his mohawk idly, sighing. You had every right to take him out there, he was your slave, Gamzee, your _slave_. Yet it felt so wrong. Tavros wasn't any different than you.

No, he wasn't.

He just had rust blood.

And you had almost royal.

—

You turn a light brown and curl up against him. You then remember something, and sit up. You life up your pants legs and unhook your leg braces. They were so uncomfortable to sleep in. You place them out of the way, then lay back diwn next to him.

You let him run his fingers through your hair, holding you. You wondered why he would do any of this. You were just a slave. Nothing more. Nothing less. He cared too much. Wasn't good for his image. But, you kept you lips tight and closed your eyes.

"„,gAMZEE Y-YOU„, i MEAN„,i-iT'S FINE„„" you whisper.

"r-rEALLY IT IS,"

—

You groan and sit up, remembering things as well. You rub your eyes, taking off your cloak. You also pull off your belt, which coincidentally had a sword in the hilt of it. You had kept that sword from the day Tavros killed the blue blood, and sleeping in it could cause you get to get prematurely dead.

Being prematurely dead is not one of your future ideas.

"NOT SLEEPING IN ALL THAT SHIT."

You get up, picking up his leg braces and the clothes you just took off and putting them in the corner of the room.

"if you want those tomorrow, you have to ask me for them."

This was definitely not a tactic to keep him in here in the morning.

You crawl back into the bed, pulling him close to you again. You bury your head in his hair and mutter into the mohawk,

"DO YOU FORGIVE ME? for everything i've done?"

—

You nod at his order. You suppose if you got up before him, you'd just sit there and wait for him to awake. So you could continue your duties. He's holding you now. You honestly don't know how to feel about this. You don't know how to feel about him being so close to you.

You move close to his chest, and you sigh. You remove your piercings. They were pretty uncomfortable to sleep with. You let put them on the nightstand. He wraps his arms around you again, and ask you that question.

"„,y-yEAH„, i„,f-fORGIVE YOU," You didn't know if you were lying or not.

You left your hands rest in front of you, and you yawn. Tired, groggy tears fall down your cheek. After tonight, you just wanted to sleep forever. And honestly, you felt the worst then you've felt in the longest time. You frown.

Why didn't he kill you? He had the chance. He's always had the chance. Why hasn't he just…Done it yet?

—

It wasn't a lot when you two got to be completely alone. Just you and him, no master slave duties. You knew he was tired, you knew he was probably exhausted, but you wanted to speak to him first. You weren't sure what about, but you needed to.

You think back to what he knows about you.

"… hey, did i ever tell you what exactly fucked me up?"

You rub his back, soothingly. You struggle to stop flunctuating your words, again. You didn't want to intimidate him.

"I KNOW I TOLD YOU MY LUSUS WAS SLAIN, and a few things like that, BUT DO YOU KNOW MY WHOLE LIFE STORY?"

—

You shiver as he touches your back. Just because, you weren't expecting it. At all. You stare at him for a moment. Why should a slave care for his master's story? We did you two care about each other? You really don't understand your relationship with him at all. You just nod softly.

Maybe if he told you everything, it would all be off his chest. Maybe his random outburst and rage were because of…All this building up inside of him for so long. You move closer to him, ears twitching, trying to get a better listen.

"„,y-yOU CAN TELL ME„,"

—

You nod, holding him close and trying for real to keep your voice from fluctuating this time. You pull your hand from his back and press it over your eyes.

"give me a second."

Everything has been repressed, your wrigglerhood wasn't the best.

"i got this."

You laugh a bit, under your breath.

"let's start at motherfuckin hatching. i was a highblood, the highest land dwelling highbood, so my lusus had high expectations. i believe it was the fact that i couldn't reach those expectations, that i wasn't good enough for him, that caused him to leave."

You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to ignore the tears.

"and, well, i raised myself. until six sweeps. i got addicted to sopor slime… eating it. and the grand highblood just so happened to find out about then that i was his descendant."

You flinch.

"he had me forced from my home, and killed my lusus in front of me. killed him for never raising me the way i should have been raised. then, beat me."

…

"his beatings were harsh. harsh. EVERYTHING FUCKING HURT. for days, for weeks, for months… he locked me in this respiteblock. for a sweep. only letting me out to eat or get schoolfed or to be beaten."

—

You just stare down at his chest. Looking really confused. A bit hurt. It's hard hearing about him…being beaten. It made you a bit upset actually. And once you thought more, he probably didn't know much about your life either. Maybe he just didn't want to know. Maybe he just needed venting.

You kept your lips sealed, slowly nodding. He seems to have had it rougher then you. But, once you think…You had both watched your lusus die. You had both been beaten. You have been branded. He seems to have been branded in his mind.

You squeeze his hand, and reach your other one up to wipe a tear from his eye.

"i-i'M SORRY, " was all you can say.

You hug him. You take a soft, yet deep breath. Everything would be okay right? You hoped so.

—

You hug him back, leaning into his touch as he rubs your tear away. You trail your fingers over his, looking at the ceiling and avoiding eye contact completely. Even in the dark, you didn't trust yourself with your own eyes.

"my first moon rise was like yours."

You say that one, quietly.

"forced out, with a subjugglator. did you see the troll whose face was scarred up? i did that to him. clawed at his fuckin cheeks to let me go home, to let go of me, to make it stop oh god stop."

You clutch your head, remembering everything so fast.

"her blood, she bled everywhere. it was crazy— it was so fuckin beautiful at the time but i couldn't appreciate it, i was freaking out and i just, oh fuck motherfucker she died, so fast, so fast i couldn't believe i had taken someone's life, so easily and that vividly."

You have just started freaking out. Repressed memories aren't supposed to come back.

"and, and the second time was worse. i knew more death was coming, i knew it would never stop and that i'd be forced to do this for sweeps. i tried to force myself to like it but i couldn't i just couldn't and oh fuck oh fuck."

You close your eyes tight.

"by the fourth by the fuckin fourth i was starting to lose sympathy and by the time the next sweep had come around i was motherfuckin insane. i killed. i killed everything and everybody. nobody could even come near me whether it was a moon rise or not."

You shake.

"he locked me in my respiteblock. again."

—

You look worried now, wrapping your arms around him again. You were just trying your best to calm him down at this point. You…Suddenly didn't feel very afraid at all. Gamzee wasn't the scary highblood right now. He was Gamzee. He needed someone to lean on. If…That had to be you fine. You don't know if you wanted it or if you were forcing yourself.

"g-gAMZ„,yOU D-DON'T HAVE TO ANYMORE„," You grumbled.

You run your hands through his mess hair. It had grown long again. You move as close as you can to him, muttering things. You would sing to him. You wished you could. But you don't think he'd like that. You remember…Sitting around a big fire with other lowbloods. You would all sing.

Sing of a happier time. Sing songs of hope, of victory. Of Death and Indigo… You rubbed his shoulders. Then, you kiss his cheek again. Everything would be fine. You wished you could tell him that. You really hoped you could one day. Just tell him…Everything will be okay.

You wanted to tell him that…He'd still have you. Slave or not.

—

You let him hold you, stroke your hair, mutter and talk words to you to calm you down. After a few minutes of this, you start to calm down. Start to stop freaking out. You were slipping. You're not allowed to do that.

Yet you did.

You take a deep breath, and nod.

"it took me a bit to recover, but i did. and then i got a slave— and, well, he's a really good slave. the best. i didn't want one at first, but.."

You laugh slightly under your breath, tipping his chin up so that he's looking at you.

"he was so worth it."

You press your lips against his gently.

—

When you felt his lips against yours, you began to spazz on the inside. You were…so confused. You didn't understand. He should hate you in the most platonic way possible…But he was doing this. Just…Pressing his lips to yours. You froze. You didn't know what to do. What to day.

Half of you wanted to push him away, tell him that this was crazy. That it was impossible. That this couldn't happen. Not to you. Not to him. That this was stupid and insane and that he needed to stop.

Another part of you…Just wanted to kiss him back. But, neither thing happen. You were stuck in between the medium of the two. Your mind going back and forth as to what to do. If you rejected him, he could kill you. But you face death fearlessly at this point. Fear of death was something you had given up during your stay here.

But still…You stayed still. You didn't know what to do. You just, laid there. Letting him kiss you.

—

You sigh, pulling away from the kiss. You cup his face in one of your hands, stroking his cheek with your thumb for a few seconds before opening your eyes and looking at him.

"please, just once."

You bite your lip, knowing this is such a stupid idea. If you ever got caught doing this—

"just once, kiss me back. we can pretend it never happened tomorrow."

You hug him close to you with the arm not stroking his face, you kiss his cheek and close your eyes again. You can't look at him anymore. You wish your species were like humans, where you couldn't see each other in the dark. Where the black would be dark even when it wasn't completely pitch black.

Where you wouldn't have to see him reject you yet a-motherfuckin-gain.

"we can pretend none of this ever happened just like we always do."

—

You look away from him. Down, at your feet. His feet. He…Wanted this? Why would he want this? Why would he want you? Your mind was racing at a thousand miles per hours. Your hair feel into your face again. Your mohawk was neat…but it had grown thick like a mane.

You take a deep breath. You needed to think. You sat up, pulling away from him, out of his grip. You turn your back to him, and stare at the ground. Then you look at your brand. You realize…He could order you to do whatever he wants. He could order a kiss from you. Whatever he wanted. He could even pin you down and…

You squeeze your eyes shut. You remembered…A Subjuggulator…He did that to his slave. You had walked in, he had thrown things at you. The slave begged you to help. She cried and she begged and…Why were you thinking about that. You bite your lip, looking back at him again.

"g-gAMZEE„,t-tHIS WON'T„," You pause. "w-wE CAN'T„,"

The Grand Highblood would beat him until the hoofbeast came home. You would be killed. No one would win. No one would be happy. This isn't something that was meant to be. Why is Gamzee even trying? Why are you even thinking of trying?

—

You nod and look down. It hits you hard.

"i knew that was coming."

And then you are crying again. You bring both your hands up to your eyes and dig your palms into them. You hold them there until the tears stop, but you still take deep shallow breaths.

"i'm not supposed to cry. i'll get culled a lot faster for these tears than i ever will for kissing a slave."

You laugh, and look down.

"night."

—

You sat there. Looking down. You let your hearing take over. Closing your eyes. Listening for when you could hear him breathe evenly. For when he was sleeping. It took a while, but finally…He was sleeping. You don't think he expected you here in the morning. But, you would be here.

You move again, back onto the bed. Laying down. You crawl into his arms, rubbing your face against his gently. In full honesty, you…Felt so bad right now. You just…You bury your face into his shoulder and cry. You didn't know anything anymore.

What made you happy. What made him happy. What was best for the both of you. Why did you even care about what was best for him in the first place? You were just…more confused than ever right now. When all was quiet…and you couldn't sleep…You give him a quick peck to the lips, before nuzzling your face into the crick of his neck.

He was so much more peaceful in his sleep. Less restless. Less blood thirsty. It didn't feel like moonrise anymore. It was just…Tonight. This night. Then night that never happened. The night that never would happen. You close your eyes, wanting to know how Gamzee could ever repress memories. Because you really wanted to repress this one…

So bad.

**End of Part III act II **


	6. Part IV

This chapter has instructions!

Go to youtube and copy and paste the /watch;ja;lfkjd -anything like that behind .com

* * *

><p>You had began to get pretty attached to Aradia, to the point where you were even okay with calling Tavros by Tav in front of her, and you were fine with Tavros saying your first name in her presence as well. She was almost the perfect slave, despite a few attitude problems.<p>

So when the Grand Highblood had sent for you, you never would have thought in a thousand sweeps that it would had been for her.

But it had been.

Aradia apparently had been asked for and never showed up to her master's quarters. You had searched the palace high and low for her and couldn't find any trace of her.

No reminders that she had ever even been here.

Her possessions were gone from the slave quarters, her bed was made and clean, her chores completely done. Tavros had been sleeping the first time you had ventured in, but now things were getting serious. You grabbed him and shook him awake.

"motherfucker, i've been lookin for too long."

You sat on the bed next to him, avoiding looking at him. As you had done lately.

"HAVE YOU SEEN ARADIA? GRAND HIGHBLOOD CAN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE. and He's starting to get angry."

The Grand Highblood hardly got angry. It was dangerous for him. He was a very violent man, and when he got mad he got lethal. The fact that Gamzee was looking for Aradia and not him was because if he found Aradia at this point she'd probably die.

You were sent to make sure she didn't die unfairly if she had gotten injured to some extent and couldn't make it back to him.

—

You woke up with a grumble. No, Gamzee. It was time to sleep. You were tired. You rolled over, looking up him. Your hair was messy, and you didn't looked very pleased right now. You stretch. Wondering what was going on now. When you heard what he had to say… Your ears went down and low.

"i-i„,hAVEN'T," You looked really confused.

Where could she have gone? You stood up, and went to her bed, rubbing your hair a bit. Her bed was in fact made. You looked into her drawers, and it was as barren as a desert. You walk back over to your small room, looking at Gamzee, before going to your small dresser.

" „,m-mAYBE eQUIUS KNOWS WHERE SHE IS," You mutter.

You didn't dare speak of their relationship though. That was too dangerous. As far as Gamzee knew, they just spoke a lot. Though after Nepeta's death, Equius and her had been talking more and more alone. More secretive. You didn't dare say anything about this either. You pull out shirt, pulling it on. You had you back turned to Gamzee.

You back was marked with scars. All from that beating from what felt like so long ago. At first, they made you so upset. But now…You didn't really care about them. You turn to Gamzee, attentive. Waiting for an order.

—

You watch him look around, with his hair all messed up and disheveled and so cute and growl lowly to yourself. He looks displeased, but you're far past annoyed and more into the point of wanting to strangle every motherfucker who looks at you wrong. The look he gives you when he wakes doesn't sit well with you.

You watch him pull his shirt on, staring at the scars as they're covered. Scars on him were so odd, a brown tint to them as opposed to your purplish tint. Your face had been scarred completely over from the attack of Nepeta Leijon. You had learned her name for sure with Equius had finally confronted you about it.

And by confronted you about it, you mean shoving you against the wall and punching the area next to you multiple times and screaming at you for killing his moirail, before stopping midway with a freaked out expression and apologizing for his behavior.

It was very interesting actually, to see him get mad at you for once. It was the biggest shame it only lasted for so short.

Not even killing his moirail broke his blood caste ideals for very long.

You had sent subjugglators to attack him for this and he had taken the beating graciously, so you had forgiven him mostly.

Mostly.

"yes. equius."

You nod.

"LET'S GO TALK TO HIM."

—

You brush your hair until it's nice and neat. You nod at him, following him out of the door. You wave at some of the other slaves, stopping in the door way for a moment. You shout some things at them in Spanish, and they all nod, some nod and leave the room.

You said had told them that if you were done with your chores, go help with the search. You were sort of…Like their unspoken leader. They had seemed to all come to you for advice. For words of hope. You often wondered why for you didn't deserve much treatment like that. But, they did so anyway.

You really hoped Aradia was okay. You also hoped that the Grand Highblood had enough mercy in his black little heart to let her off easy. You follow Gamzee down the hall, walking calmly with your hands at your side. You were going down to Equius' room.

Down the blueblood hallway. Their rooms were nice. You would rather you and the other slaves have a nice hall like this. But that was impossible. As you and Gamzee make you way into Equius' room, you let a surprised expression cover your face.

He wasn't there. His bed was made. All the metal parts he kept around the room gone. His posters of musclebeast were gone too. All of it. They were both gone. And you mind began to piece together where they were.

Very slowly. Slow and terrifying. They hadn't been that stupid had they…Had they…tried to escape?

—

You follow him, watching Tavros command the other slaves. It was actually kind of interesting to watch him lead, very cool. You didn't understand what he said, but if you knew him it was probably something to do with what you and him were doing.

You get to Equius' hallway and nod. So disgusting, the blue bloods had such a terrible living area. At least compared to Indigo bloods. At least it was better than what the rusts had.

You know immediately what has happened when you enter Equius' room.

"no."

You punch a wall.

"MOTHERFUCKER, NO."

Why would they do that?

You're frustrated, you're endlessly frustrated and you don't know what to do with the frustration at all.

They ran away.

Don't they—

Don't they motherfuckin know what will happen if they get caught?

—

You gasp when Gamzee punches the wall. Then you lay a hand on his shoulder. This couldn't be true. This couldn't be happening. Don't they know that then can lose everything. Including each other? Well, you supposed being matesprits can drive people to do crazy things.

…You should tell Gamzee now. You figured if he wanted the bigger picture, you would give it to him. He would need to know to understand why they were doing this. And maybe talk some sense into the Grand Highblood

"„,gAMZEE, yOU H-HAVE TO UNDERSTAND," You pause.

"tHEY'RE MATESPRITS, yOUNG A-AND STUPID MATESPRITS„,"

You mutter the last part under your breath.

—

You grab his hand as he puts it on your shoulder. You take it in yours and turn, looking at him in complete shock. Sure, you knew that Equius was flushed for Aradia. He did nothing but creepily stare at her. The feelings being reciprocated?

"no fuckin way."

You stare at him, looking into his eyes for maybe the first time since that night you kissed him once more. He looks absolutely serious, and absolutely worried.

"SHIT, WE HAVE TO FIND THEM. tavros, if we don't find them first."

You drop his hand, looking away and sighing. You thought about how Aradia's ancestor had died. The woman who schoolfed you most of your life, she'd tried to get away and managed to.

For a day.

"they'll kill her. WITH NO MOTHERFUCKIN REMORSE."

—

You nod. You knew this all too well. You looked sad for a second. She said she wouldn't leave without you. Or without telling you. What an amazing lie that was. Though…She might have done it to protect you. Even though you weren't worth protecting. You're useless. You have no real reason to be alive.

You're just the Summoner's second heir. You're not needed. You're just a slave now. Just a slave. You squeeze your eyes shut, then walk over to the window. You communicate with the crows on the outside, they go flying.

"t-tHEY'LL TELL ME IF THEY SEE THEM,"

You turn to Gamzee. Yes, a handy ability indeed. You walk out of the room. You walk down the hallway, to the door that lead to the courtyard…You haven't been there since Dave had died. You hold back that horrible feeling in your stomach. You really hope they'ed washed the red blood off the ground.

—

You watch the crows fly away, blinking.

"you know, EVEN IF WE FIND THEM BEFORE THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD, aradia is still probably going to get culled, right?"

You cross your arms, pinching your nose. Following him down the hallway, you blink as you get to the courtyard door. You had made sure everything here was cleaned up, but you didn't want him going out there. There was still a small reminder, even without any bodies or blood, that an execution had gone down in there.

"i'll check the courtyard. YOU GO THROUGH THE KITCHEN. get more of the slaves to look around. THIS IS THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD'S SLAVE WE'RE LOOKING FOR."

You push him away from the door, entering the courtyard. You look at the sky, the flowers, the few slaves who are working on the floral decoration. Their eyes whip up and stare at you in fear as you enter, and you glare at them.

"stop working. ARADIA'S GONE MISSING. we think she ran away."

They drop their tools immediately. One of them does it in determination to help you, the others do it in shock that a slave would actually attempt to run. They continue to stare.

"GO LOOK FOR HER."

They nod and run, and you pace around the courtyard a few more times, not finding anything out of the ordinary. You make your way back towards the kitchen.

—

You sigh, looking down. If you found them without Gamzee… You would probably run with them. You were going to be honest with yourself. You wanted out. You've been stuck inside since moonrise. And it seems like the only time you can go outside anyway, murder and violence happened.

When he orders you into the kitchen, you nod and proceed down the hall. You looked everywhere. Even in the skins. You called for Aradia and Equius over and over. Nothing. It seems like they might actually get away with it to you…Though that's not true.

You know that's probably not true. You look up, hearing the doors open. You see Gamzee in the doorway, raising an eyebrow at him. Then you look back down, shaking your head. Why were you getting too hopeful? That's not good. You shouldn't hope Gamzee of all people would find them.

—

Your tongue clicks, and you let out a yell for a slave who isn't looking very hard. As they come over, you grab them by the shirt and slam them against the wall. They look at you, terror in their eyes. You lean forward and whisper in their ear.

"where is aradia."

They flinch, hands going up and pushing at you. You knee them in the stomach and they cough up orange blood on you. You hiss at them, and their knees buckle. They look at you, apologetic. "I don't know sIr, I hAven't seen them." You punch the slave, hard in the face.

"AND THAT'S HOW I KNOW YOU ARE LYING."

A confused, scared eyebrow raise. They look more shocked than confused, actually.

"w-whAt?"

"i asked where aradia is. NOT MOTHERFUCKIN ZAHHAK. how do you know about him?"

… silence.

"ANSWER ME, OR I WILL HAVE YOU CULLED."

Another few seconds of silence, before they look up at you, with the most pathetic look you've ever seen, "she ran."

—

You watch him interrogate the slave. Not that good of a method but… It was better then Ms. Pyrope out there. You sigh. You wonder how Redglare's teachings never got to her. Well, she was middle classed anyway. She had nothing to worry about when it came to blood color. You wait for Gamzee to finish what he was doing.

So they did run. You could have expected as much. You frown. So much for never leaving you behind. You try to hide the disappointment on your face when Gamzee turns back to face you. But, when he does, it completely fades…. You…really don't want to leave.

Well…You do. But not as much anymore. And not without a good reason. You look at him, the expression on your face serious. Time to go back to wearing that tough mask. It's helped you so much in your time here though. And Dave's death left a harden shell around your heart and your mind.

—

The slave is looking at you with both eyes practically looking as if they're about to fall out of his eyes. You press your teeth to his throat, biting hard and ripping into his flesh. You lick at the blood, growling. He lets out a loud scream and tries to push you away again.

"SHAME I'M KILLING YOU ANYWAY."

He whimpers and digs his claws into your chest as he tries to push you away. Indigo blood drips down to the floor, and you bite him again, ripping out his throat with your mouth. Slaves in the room turn and scream and you shove him to the ground, spitting the flesh out.

"if any of you other motherfuckers know anything, you better tell me now, or you're dead too."

A young slave steps up, maybe only four sweeps old. She grabs your hand, as if she has the right.

"Theey weent out to thee ruins to geet somee things of Ara's beeforee they left, theey told mee not to leet you know, but I don't want anyonee eelsee to diee."

Brave little bitch. You pull your hand away from hers, kneeling next to her and grinning. Yet, she let you know exactly how things went down.

"I LIKE YOU. relieved of all chores for the afternoon." You kiss the top of her head before grabbing Tavros' hand and grinning. "LET'S GO TO THE RUINS."

—

You watch as Gamzee rips out the other slave's throat. You don't say a word. Your ears just go down. You watch as blood much like yours splatters onto the ground. Then you see the small child, walk up to Gamzee when he yells his demands. She has to do what she must to survive.

You understand this. When he grabs your hand, all hopes and thoughts of escaping leave you. You couldn't now if he was going to drag you along. Your expression still doesn't change. You just nod. You looked completely serious. Then you realize, Gamzee probably doesn't know where the ruins are.

Which is why he's probably dragging you. He knows that you know where they are. You also know your way around them quite a bit. He drags you out of the kitchen, leaving the other slaves to clean up his mess. You haven't had to clean blood for him in a while. You thank the Sufferer.

"w-wHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WHEN WE FIND THEM?" Your voice is shaken. Unsure if you really wanted the answer.

—

You nod at the question, not actually anticipating that. You hadn't exactly thought about what you would do. If you helped Aradia, you would get yourself branded. If you didn't, you would probably get pretty emotionally fucked up about it. You were absolutely okay with killing people you didn't care about.

You blink and nod.

"I THINK, THAT WE SHOULD GET ARADIA AND BRING HER IN. and let equius escape. AS MUCH AS I FUCKIN HATE IT, there is absolutely not way aradia is getting out of this alive. UNLESS I INJURE HER TO CRIPPLE HER, WHICH I SUPPOSE COULD WORK. but if i get caught trying to help i will be branded."

You scratch the back of your head.

"I JUST DON'T FUCKIN UNDERSTAND WHY SHE RAN. there's a lot of poor treatment that goes to slaves."

You move your hand to your nose, pinching the bridge lightly. It'd become a habit lately.

"BUT SHE WASN'T TREATED THAT BAD, I DIDN'T THINK. she has been here for sweeps. HER ANCESTOR WAS HERE. i don't understand. SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T KNOW ANY LIFE OUTSIDE OF THIS."

—

You frown. Looking away from him. Suddenly, being a slave was making you sick to your stomach again. You continue to follow him though, trying to remember your last few days of freedom at this point.

Then you remember, Aradia had no freedom to begin with. She was born into slavery, you were born free. And you miss your freedom. At least you had it though. She was born with nothing but confinement.

When you hear that she wasn't treated that badly, you resist the urge to scoff. There were days when the Grand Highblood would hit her just to hit her. Just because he could. You kept your head down and said nothing until he was gone, but when he was gone you comforted her best you could.

Your expression twist into a bit of a offended, kind of angry one, then returns to normal. Wow, you were really beginning to come out of your shell now. You suppose it was because you've been here for so long.

"„,wOULDN'T CRIPPLING HER JUST MAKE HER USELESS TO YOU?"

—

You glare and lean forward, grabbing Tavros by the hair. His voice had a bit of attitude to it. You didn't really appreciate that in the slightest. You yank his head up so it's looking at you, and growl.

"I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. if i cripple her, it can be passed off as that she just got injured. THERE'S A STILL CHANCE HE'LL KILL HER FOR BEING USELESS, but there's an also high chance she'll be spared since it isn't her fault. IF I DON'T, SHE'LL DIE NONETHELESS."

You let go of his hair, shoving him against the wall.

"so maybe you should appreciate when i'm trying to find a way from letting aradia die."

You pull off of the wall, sighing and kissing where you grabbed his hair. You didn't mean to hurt him, if you had.

—

He grabs your hair, you let out a bit of a hiss, but not much else. You look at him, but constantly avoid eye contact. One thing you don't want to do is look into a Subjuggulator's eyes. You grit your teeth but keep your mouth closed as he speaks. You wish you could think of a way to save Aradia, but you can't.

You shoves you against the wall, making you grunt. You quiver a bit. You wondered why he would even care if Aradia died in the first place. He probably on cared because you did. You look away, staying quiet. He lets go of you with a sigh. He kisses the top of your head.

This makes you flinch and turn away. Your right hand grabs your left forearm. You rubbed it a bit with your hand. Then look down. You've been so confused lately, and you just…didn't understand anything right now. You didn't understand your relationship. Your ears twitch down. You felt like there was a pressure on your chest.

But soon, you turn back to him slowly, your face expressionless.

"yES MASTER„," You whisper.

—

"where are the ruins?" You turn away from him, looking down at the ground. You can't face him, not right now. Not lately.

"I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE. i don't care about a dead town or anything of that sort."

You expect him to know, he has to know. He and Aradia were close, it probably shocked him that he didn't know she had ran. He was probably hurt. You know why she didn't tell him, she didn't want him to get killed if he were caught.

—

You sigh. You knew good and well were the ruins were. You and Karkat used to explore them while the Summoner worked. You gesture for him to follow you to the door. When you get outside, you point east. And start to walk.

"„,i-iT'S GOING TO TAKE US A FEW HOURS WALK„," You mutter.

You begin to walk on. Then you stop, walk back inside. You come out with some fruit in a small sack. Snacks are needed. You also had two canteens filled with water. You were journeying to the ruins of the Land of Quartz and Melody.

"wE'RE GOING BACK TO WHERE TIME ONCE FLOWED„,bUT HAS STOPPED„,"

—

You nod as he grabs all of the supplies and puts them into a small sack. You shake the canteen of water lightly. You didn't expect the travel to be long enough to warrent this, but you'd have to deal with it. You didn't care. Tavros knew where it was, clearly.

"holy fuckin shit, that's far away."

A few hours is pretty far away, though.

LOQAM was once beautiful, but now it is nothing but ruins of what used to be. It is a shell of the land it could had been. Aradia going there didn't make much sense to you, but you had heard that she was into archeology a few sweeps back. You had blown it off as a rumor. Slaves aren't allowed to have interests.

You used to be such a stupid child.

—

You walk on in front of Gamzee. You had packed a flat, inch think disc. It was a folded lance that you had earned. It's small and compact. Gamzee had given it to you with an attempt to have a weapon in case of emergencies. You may have to take your leg braces off and lean all your weight on it later.

As you continue on, and make it to your home, The Land of Sand and Zephyr. You have spent years studying all 16 lands on this planet. You know all about them. You can find your way around the world and back. This was your job, as a Page, as a Tamer, a descendant of the Summoner.

The Land of Quartz and Melody chilled you to the bone. But, you didn't think about it. All of it's dead people…All of it's stolen jewels…How the Subjuggulators destroyed it.

"„,tHIS IS WHERE i WAS HATCHED„," You muttered, treading in the sand.

"tHIS LAND IS MY HOME„,i-iF YOU DIDN'T KNOW,"

—

You blink and look around at the home, nodding. The Land of Sand and Zephyr was one of most underrated lands, in your opinion. Just a small area by LOTAM but with a certain beauty about it. You wondered if Tavros knew you had painted it when you painted the Summoner on your mural.

You shook your head, it did not paint you had used had been with blood of the people who lived in the land, so it was most likely not the greatest idea to bring that shit up.

"IT MAKES SENSE, I SUPPOSE." You put your hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. "… is there anything you want to do while you're here? SINCE WE HAVE A HEADSTART, MOST LIKELY?"

The last time the two of you had been here, you'd killed a rust and his friend Nepeta Leijon.

You owed him at least one visit to something.

—

You stop and turn to him. Looking a bit skeptical. You try your hardest not to flinch away from him. You look down. Then down the trail. You glance at him again. He must be messing with you. He had to be. You sigh, then keep walking.

"„,fINE,"

Until you make it to a small hive, with a windmill like structure spinning upon it. The door was broken open. Your ears go down at the sight. This was your hive, this was were they took you away. Where they killed your lusus. You look at him, you looked distort. You're half tempted to keep going.

"„,w-wELL„,"

You took a step forward.

—

You look at the hive, watching his ears droop. You flick your tongue out against your bottom lip, and then stop. You yell at Tavros for licking his lips so much, you really need to kick the habit for yourself. It is the smallest thing you have ever seen, raising an eyebrow.

"you lived here?"

The door was broken, probably because of the subjugglators. They hadn't bothered to fix it. You step forward as well, moving broken wood out of the door. You throw the broken pieces behind you, back into the neighborhood.

The inside wasn't much better.

There was brown blood all around, but luckily no sign of the lusus.

That would not have ended up well.

—

You nod, slowly, sadly.

You walk in, you close your eyes and bow your head for a moment. Tinkerbull's blood was everywhere. You couldn't stand it. You should hurry before you begin to get sick. You open your eyes again, some tears building in your eyes. Your little buddy was gone. It was hitting you again. The pain. You shook your head, then walk to your desk.

A cane rested against it, one made to help you walk with your limp. You took it, and leaned on it a bit. Still sturdy. You look and see a journal. Ruined by the blood. You glance at your old bookshelf, and walk over to it. You take Pupa Pan from the shelf. This made you smile a bit.

"i MISS„,i MISS ALL OF THEM„,"

You shared this hive with the Summoner, Karkat, and your dear lusus. You remember the days before all of this happen, and it was killing you on the inside. You look back at Gamzee, then look down to your feet.

"„,wHY ME?" You muttered to him.

You bury your face into one of your hands.

—

Why him?

You'd actually asked yourself that quite often. If Tavros had belonged to any other master, he would most likely be dead or beaten to a point where he would wish he was dead. You honestly believe that Tavros most likely wishes he were dead once in a while, but not as much as he could.

You didn't want to answer his subject, so you changed it.

You look at Pupa Pan, taking it from him and looking at it. You flick it open, looking inside.

"this is a classic."

You smile up at him, giving it back. You had learned about Pupa Pan when you were with the Handmaid. You hadn't really appreciated it, you still don't really appreciate it.

You just didn't want him to start crying.

—

You sigh. You really wanted to forget everything now. Ever since Dave's death, you haven't really felt right. Moonrise made if worse. It made everything had random bouts of depression here and there. Now was just one of those times you supposed. You sigh as he flips through the book.

"„,y-yEAH, a CLASSIC," You reach, and gently take it from his hands.

You put it in your sack. Then look around for any other books your may want to take with you. If he even let you. You look at him, waiting for an order. An Okay. A yes, a no. Anything. A machine couldn't do anything without someone controlling it, could it now?

—

He looks at you, with curious and waiting eyes. You sigh and close your own, nodding at him so that he can further explore the hive. "you know, when it's just us. YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACT LIKE A SLAVE. i thought we established we were friends."

You shrug.

"OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT."

You run a hand through your hair.

"wouldn't fuckin bring you here and not let you do anything with it."

—

You dust off a few of the books, putting them away in the sac you had brought with you. All your books for study mostly. Almost none for pleasure. You look around, and notice…foot prints in the dust? Odd. You shook your head. Maybe thieves? But, there seemed to be nothing missing aside from what few things the Subjuggulators took.

You turn to Gamzee, your expression was pretty melancholy at this point in time. You glance down at your feet, then look back at your hive once more. Just one last time. You probably would never be here again. Everything was finally hitting you. You were losing hope for any freedom at all.

For any hope in the Summoner succeeding.

Any hope for yourself. Was just…disappearing.

—

You nod and look at what he's gathered. Books, mostly books. You wonder briefly how boring it must be to be a rust blooded troll in this society. The only thing they had going for them was their education, which was something that most highbloods chose to go without.

You were well educated, as a future Grand Highblood, but most subjugglators were idiotic. That was the way they were meant to be, and you liked it that way. It allowed them to be more powerful in your army, mindless killing for the ones with the underdeveloped minds.

He looks upset, but lately that's all he has ever looked like.

You turn away from him, turning to the door.

"i'll be outside when you're ready to go."

—

You walk about behind him, not saying anything. You kept quiet, then stopped in the door way for a moment to survey your home once more. Then you noticed, candy red stained the wood on the desk. Your eyes go wide, but you keep silent, and walk behind Gamzee.

Karkat had came back. And not so long ago either. He couldn't have gotten that for had he? Maybe he was around your hive somewhere. But, you prayed that he didn't find you two. He'd probably do something stupid and get himself killed. Or quiver in the corner and wait for a smart way to take care of this.

It all depended on his mood. But, you kept your own composure, looking out for him. He could get you out of this. He just needed the right moment and…

And…

You're still not sure if you really want to leave Gamzee behind. Is that really what's best for him? Why did you continue to care?

—

You sit outside in front of his hive, not really thinking about anything. You just wanted to find Aradia, hopefully save her, and come home. You look at the sky, and watch it carefully. It really was a beautiful night. If Aradia had run on a more rainy day, this could have been bad.

Where would she even go after she ran? After she got away? She was branded, very clearly. It was almost idiotic to run off. If you were caught, you were as good as dead.

Honestly, if you ever got enslaved, you'd never run.

Never.

You'd never get enslaved, though, because you'd never help a slave— You briefly wonder if maybe you should hurry Tavros up, and turn your head.

"come on."

You stand up again.

"I'M SORRY. I JUST REALIZED. we're fuckin going after a troll who is running away with her huge muscle-y matesprit. THEY'RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO STOP. he can just carry her if she gets tired."

—

You nod and walk fully out of the door, looking back at your hive for one more moment. You were worried now. At least you knew there was a chance Karkat could be alive. You walk on. As Gamzee talks, you nod, and try your best to pick up your pace.

You trudged through the sand for the next day or so. When the sun came, you both hid in near by caves. And slept. You stayed awake, but kept you eyes closed. The sun was harsh here. Though to humans it seemed to have no effect, you trolls have sensitive eyes.

You had to huddle up with Gamzee slightly, his arm draped over you so you won't escape. Like you would try in this heat and with the risk of the sun anyway? You were tired, but couldn't bring yourself to sleep.

Even as the peaceful zephyr blows.

—

It was really tiring, but you didn't mind the traveling that much. You were a bit worried for Tavros with his leg braces, but you didn't care. You talked about a lot of things. Nothing of any importance, just small talk to pass the time. The sun hurt you a lot, so you had to hide out quite frequently.

Tavros seemed to be more tired, but you didn't force him to sleep. You made sure he ate and drank but that is all you made him do.

In your newest cave stop, you run a hand through his hair gently, nudging him.

"how much longer do we think we have left?"

—

You sigh, staring up at the rock ceiling. A few bats were sleeping above you. This made you feel more at home at least. You glance at him when asks you the question. You haven't really…well…Showed any expression for days.

You actually wanted to keep it that way. You've been trying kind of hard to distance yourself from him. Make him loathe you in the platonic sense. Nothing was working. You really didn't want to make your 'relationship' worse than it already was. And by worse, you mean better. But worse for your health.

Anyway, you look away from him.

"„,a FEW MORE HOURS A-AFTER THIS„,wE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT A CAR WITH US„,mAYBE A HOOFBEAST OF ANY KIND EVEN?"

—

You move away from him, standing up and brushing your clothes off from the ground. You rub your eyes, and look out at the cave. "i think the sun is finally goin down. WE SHOULD HEAD OUT AGAIN."

You wish things were like how they were before everything happened. Tavros was distancing himself from you, it was completely obvious. You weren't going to let it happen, though. You kneel by him and pull him up, kind of forcefully. He should expect such a thing.

You watch his eyes, they're looking up at the bats on the ceiling. You wave at them, as if they understand.

You can't commune.

"and we probably could have. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE NOR RIDE A HOOFBEAST. so it would probably be a setback, even to make things go faster." You freeze. "EQUIUS WOULDN'T TAKE A HOOFBEAST, WOULD HE? he would understand that those are highb100d property?"

Then again, so was Aradia.

—

He pulls you up. You sigh when he does. He likes to make too much skin to skin contact to you. He was always patting your back, pulling you along, holding your hand. And sometimes when he would make you sleep in his bed, you would feel him caress your cheek when he thought you were sleeping.

Of course you weren't. But you weren't going to let him know. Yes, the sun going down is good. You pull away from him, taking a careful step outside. The sun didn't burn, for it was too low. You hear him respond to your question and you simply nod slowly. Staring at the ground.

You stand by the entrance and wait for him. You pull out a loaf of bread for you to split, waiting for him so you can eat and walk on. You don't say a word though. Because you know he hates that.

—

You reach out and take some of the bread as you make your way towards the entrance. You step out into the sunlight and stretch your arms, smiling at the night sky. Little things like this were miracles in their own aspect, tiny small insignificant things like the beautiful stars being out in the night and not disappearing within the daylight hours.

You still had a few hours of travel, and a lot of the next hour is quiet. Tavros is obviously deep in thought about a lot of things, what sorts of things, you have no idea. You ask him a few questions, and he answers the way he always does, with a detached answer.

You're tired. Walking is so tedious, he was right. You should have taken a hoofbeast. You still had to go back. You groan inwardly at that idea.

—

Finally, after hours of nervously avoiding questions, you step onto a ledge. Below, a barren land of blue stone. All the quartz taken from the ground. Giant ruins of great castles and other buildings ahead, most of them built with speakers. The symbol of time marked over most things, with the symbol of the handmaid in the center.

All painted in a beautiful shade of maroon. Some bones and horns remain in the streets, some wearing armor, some wearing rags. Some so tiny their lives had barely begun. Here you were.

The ruins of the Land of Quartz and Melody.

"„,wE'RE HERE,"

You take a deep breath, and begin to lead Gamzee to the old entrance of the kingdom. It smelled of dust and old yellowed books.

—

You look around the place, eyes slighting widening at everything here. You don't really want to admit it, but this place kind of sickened you a bit. It was a kingdom that rust bloods built up, and a kingdom that got its rightful destruction.

Yet.

It was so beautiful.

Corpses and ruins and a completely dead land, destroyed just because it wasn't a Subjugglator nation.

You wonder why no one has taken advantage of this land yet, why it was just left to rot and be a ruin instead of taking the opportunity to recreate it as the Subjugglator nation it never was.

First rule of business when you become the Grand Highblood, is to fix this place up. Fix it up, make it your own, claim it for yourself. You decide that first of all.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD BE?

—

You draw your lance, stepping forward with caution. Crouched down a bit low, stepping carefully past the gate. Spirits

were abundant here. And seeing a Subjugglator might set the off, so you have to keep on your toes, and be careful. As soon as you mutter a few words in your language, just asking for the Signless to watch you while you were here.

You turn and gesture for Gamzee to walk on, then continue down the main road. You stop at the first building, several big nobs attracted to it. They looked like the type that you turn to start a music box. They all had writing above them. You turned one at the top. The speakers ring out gently ( /watch?v=Axi_uA8Ls6s&feature=related ) , but with a low rumble because of their size.

"fOLLOW THE MELODY, "

You move your hand, laying it upon one of the speakers and closing your eyes. The writing above the knob had read "To the Main Temple." which is possibly where they are. You open your eyes again, and follow the sound.

—

You follow after Tavros, listening to the music around you. You think of what melody was playing when the Subjugglators destroyed this place. You wonder if it was eerily beautiful like this one. You wondered how such a majestic place could have fallen so easily.

You notice Tavros has drawn his lance, so you draw your clubs as well. You walk and each step seems to move with the little note drops and the musical tone seems to work around you.

It's beautiful.

It's _scary_.

Tavros seems to know what he is doing, far more than you do. This isn't normal, him leading you, but for now, you're okay with it. You feel watched.

As if you're disturbing something by being here.

—

You make your way past all the old buildings. Hives, shops. Portraits of the Handmaid still here and there. She was a beautiful troll. A graceful leader. You see some Subjugglator symbols over the faces of the portraits.

:o)

While others are still intact. You dare not touch them. This was a haunted land. Which is why nothing will grow here. Nothing would flourish. Everything that has tried to settle on this land since have died. That includes Subjuggulators. A part of their history they erased for so their future generations wouldn't know.

You wondered if Gamzee knew. You shook your head, and made your way to a grand, gated stair way.

You needed a quartz key. You had one, luckily. You and Karkat had debated over opening the temples the first time you've been here. You disagreed on opening them. But, it seems you don't have a choice this time. You reach in your pocket, and pulling the quartz from it. As you drew closer to the lock, it began to illuminate. It slides in like a key.

The gate begins to glow. The previous melody is just finishing. A new one begins ( /watch?v=HXHgevdBaWU ). The cogs in the gate spin in turn. Lights at the top of the gate glow with each note. It opens, and the lights continue to glow. Up the stairs.

Guiding you. You hum along. Hopefully this will please the spirits. You reluctantly take Gamzee's hand to keep him on the right path, until you find your way at the temple doors.

—

You see pictures of the Handmaid and smile slightly to yourself. You absolutely despised her when she was still around, but when the Grand Highblood had her executed you did kind of miss her. She was your tutor for most of your growing ages.

You watch the temple open, watch the gates light up the sky. New music begins, and you're honestly understanding why this place was called the Land of Quartz and melody at this point.

The temple opens, and you stand back.

"DO YOU THINK THEY'LL BE IN THERE? or is this just a pretty light show?"

—

You nod at his question, and begin to climb the stairs. Each step illuminated with your step. You pull him along, nice and gently, until your at the top at the main temple. You start at the ground, then back up, you see another set of knobs.

You turn them a certain order. Carefully, slowly. One beat starts first, the other next. Combining into one song. The knobs glow too. The door to the Temple creek.

The cogs you see inside of it turn. A giant clock at top lay silent. That was what made time flow through this land, where the trolls all reside. On the trolls side of the planet. The clock has long stopped flowing.

You pray Aradia hadn't tried to fix it. You know like Dave, she has temporal powers. She has the power to restore it. But that just might anger the Subjugglators further. The door opens, and you walk in.

States of Gods and deities abundant. You see one of the Signless in the center. The Empress of the Sea Dwellers to his left, the Disciple to his right. The left side represents evil in maroon blood culture. The right, good.

You go to the right, and look up at the statue. The Disciple…She was just as beautiful and as much of a figure to you as the Handmaid was. She is the one who taught the Summoner after all.

—

You move to the left side of the room as Tavros moves to the right. Looking up at the statue of the Grand Highblood, you step back and look at it in awe. It is a beautiful statue, for a man that you can hardly stand, and yet hardly despise. You respect him greatly, for multitudes of reasons.

Your relationship with him was conflicting. You reach out and touch the cold surface gently, genuinely looking a bit freaked out. You'd never been able to touch the Grand Highblood without him lashing out and hurting you about it. You glare at him, let out a loud honk at it.

"YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING. i can't stand you. WHY DO I EVEN GIVE A SHIT. i could easily fuckin kill you. AND YET I DON'T. why? DID YOU MESS WITH MY DREAMS TOO? am i that much of a puppet to you?"

You're yelling at a statue. You flinch and lower your voice, realizing you're not alone.

You quickly move away from it, going to Dualscar. You always though sea dwellers were interesting looking. You'd rarely seen them, but when you did you always found yourself looking at the fins.

"AND YOU. you died so easily. AT HIS HANDS." You gesture to the statue. "pathetic wastes of deities."

—

You look at him. Your face filled with curiosity. Was he really conversing with a statue at the moment? He truly was a clown. You sigh, then walk over to him and gently grab his shoulder. No need to get worked up over the past. Or the current order of things. It'll come to an end one day anyway.

"gAMZEE„,wE NEED TO MOVE ON," You say.

You take the quartz key, then insert it into a little slot below the statue of the Sufferer. Everything began to move and shift. Until, the sides were switched. There was a door. You walk through it, glancing back at Gamzee. A sign for him to follow.

They probably went down to the main worship room. Somewhere you've only been twice before. Hopefully, you still remembered your way. You begin to guide him down the hallway, taking his hand so he wouldn't fall pray to getting lost. Didn't want him getting hurt. Or did you? No…You didn't.

You really wished you could learn how to hate this man.

—

You shove his hand away from yours, still slightly angry over the Highblood and Dualscar. You glare at the fucking statue over your shoulder before reaching out and finally lacing your fingers within the spaces between his. You couldn't stand this place, not with things still fully in tact back in there.

You wonder where you're going, you honestly had no idea what was going on. Tavros seemed to know his way around the place, and you briefly find yourself wondering how many times he has been hiere over his life.

You find yourself wondering if you took that opportunity to do things like this by making him your slave.

You find yourself trying not to care, and it works.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY AND HOW MUCH TIME WILL THIS TAKE? it's getting late and the Grand Highblood is going to get angry if we take much longer."

—

You keep a grip on his wrist, making your way down the dark, very large, hall. Everything was neat, crisp, dusty though. Some of the dust interrupted by large hand prints and random shapes. They've been this way. The wall was slightly cracked under the print, a sign that Equius had been down this way.

The man couldn't control his strength, that made him easy to catch. You finally made your way down to the last room, a secret ones where the Handmaid and her court, the Felt, would meet. They were easy to spot, Equius had tried to get her to come along and hide, but Aradia turned to look at both you and Gamzee.

She gasps, then looks back at Equius. He looks between you and Gamzee. They had been caught. But there was still hope to save them. You glance at Gamzee, waiting for an order, something. Anything.

Hopefully he'll see it in his heart to just let them go.

They seemed happy together. This is what they wanted. You know Gamzee isn't completely incapable of compassion, he couldn't be. He of course, tried to show it to you quite a few times. So, if he didn't let this happen, wouldn't he be showing that any relationship he could have with you would be doomed?

Though knowing him, he probably didn't care about their happiness. Just his own. And maybe yours now and again. You glance at him again, this time your eyes more pleading. But then, before anything could happen, your ears twitch.

Footsteps. Honking. Laughing. Down the hall. You gasp and turn around. They've followed you here!

—

You hear the honks stare back at Tavros. You were followed. You aren't particularly surprised, a prince can't escape without being noticed. He's terrified, though. Your rust is terrified. You reach out and stroke his hair, sooshing him lightly. You turn to Equius and Aradia.

They're scared.

You seem to be the only one here who isn't flipping his lid over a few subjugglators. You go over to Aradia and grab her arm, pressing a finger to your lips. "you're going to die, but you can still save the blue blood." You mutter lowly. She looks between you and Equius, and they lock eyes. He is standing protectively over you, as if confused on whether to push you away from Aradia or obey the b100dcaste.

You let go of her arm, turning to him and glaring at him hard. You look up at him, he's taller than you. "IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR OWN GODDAMN LIFE, YOU WILL RUN."

"I refuse." He states, clear and hard.

You reach up and grip his throat. He holds his prideful look.

"they will make you a slave. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO KILL YOU. they are going to turn you into someone with less than a life."

He's not listening, he has always fucking listened.

This frustrates you.

—

You watch as Gamzee tries to talk to him. Your ears go down. The footsteps and honking grew closer and closer, it was driving you mad. They could still run. Right? They could be together and they could be okay. God this was so stupid, this is all your fault. All of it.

Aradia was going to die because of you. Another one of your friends would die right before your eyes. Another one. And yet again, it will be your fault. You turn away from them, Everyone, even as the Subjugglators began to storm the room. Mad honking and laughing everywhere.

One grabbed your shoulder, shoving you around so that he could look at you before letting go with a large snort. He saw the symbol on your shirt, and began to back off, still giving you dirty looks and glares. All of them did. They were disgusted by you. Because again, technically, you were higher than them.

They all crowd around Gamzee and Equius, one of them already had Aradia in their grip. She squirmed and writhed, but couldn't get free. She used her powers to slam him against the wall, but another came from behind her and slammed a club into the back of her head to knock her unconscious. You gasp, reaching out, but one stands in front of you so you won't interfere.

—

Maroon blood. That's the first thing that smashes against the wall. They didn't hit her hard enough to kill her, no. They'd do that in front of the Grand Highblood himself. It still was a pretty hard hit. Equius looks at them in shock, and instead of fighting, crouches down and allows himself to be cuffed.

Idiotic.

After all of this, he throws in the towel soon enough.

You hold up your head, turning to a subjugglator. They nod at you. You nod back. You clear your throat harshly, shoving one out of the way and going to Tavros. You press a hand to his shoulder.

You have to be the prince in this situation.

Or you and Tavros are going to get hurt, too.

"TAKE THEM BACK TO THE PALACE."

—

You watch as the Subjugglators march Equius out of the room, one carrying Aradia over their shoulder. You stare at the ground. Then look back up at Gamzee. You wait for him to step in front of you and lead you out of the room. A few of the Subjugglators throwing you dirty looks.

They suspect you had something to do with the escape. Of course they did. They would do anything to kill. Especially you it seemed. A few other highbloods had made attempts at your life, but Gamzee would catch them, they'd be executed or enslaved themselves.

Most of them truly hated you. Not that you were fond of most of them either. But, you held no grudge. You walk so that you're behind Gamzee a little, bowing your head down low and frowning.

You were too upset to deal with them. Another one of your friends were about die. And again, it's your fault being the sniveling coward that you are. As soon as all the Subjugglators have left the room, you take Gamzee's hand, and try to sigh back the tears. The sigh comes out as a bit of a choked out sob.

You didn't want any tears to fall right now. Be strong. You have to be strong.

—

You pull him forward, following behind the subjugglators who are holding Equius and Aradia. Equius is being threatened in multitudes of ways from them. They leave the building, and you see they did what you didn't. They took a form of transportation, using hoofbeasts. It explains how they were able to catch up to you so fast after you had run.

There's a carriage ready for you. You are given special treatment. It's a fairly grand one, if not a bit intimidating. It is to be expected of your blood kind and title to hold such threatening atmosphere, however. You pull Tavros along, and the carriage driver steps aside for both you and him to get on.

"siR."

You scoff at the title, nodding at him and letting go of Tavros' hand to get into it.

You know you wouldn't have been referred to as 'sir' if they knew you were on the side of Aradia and Equius deep within your mind. You are given privacy in here. You are a Prince, you expect the best and you are given the best.

You sit down and cross your legs in front of you, papping the seat next to you to sit. The prisoners won't have as good transportation as the one you have been given.

It feels good to be royalty.

Yet, it feels sick.

You don't care, you suppose you've always been a sick man.

—  
>You followed, your head down low. All the way down the large staircase you kept your gaze at your feet. This continued on until you were invited into the carriage. You sit down next to Gamzee, clutching the seat. You stay quiet, not knowing what to say.<p>

You still held back tears. You kept them hidden, inside. You weren't going to cry anymore. You needed to save your tears for something valuable. But, you…You wanted to cry so badly. All at once. You wanted to be strong, but you wanted to cry. Crying shows weakness.

You wait until the carriage door is closed, then you lean your head on Gamzee's shoulder, whining softly. You really hated life right now.

—

You move your hands to his back, rubbing gentle circles into it. You press your palms against his shoulder-blades, and then grip his shoulders and turn him so that his back is to you. You lean forward and press tiny kisses behind his ear, whispering. "everything is going to be okay, motherfucker."

You don't really think it will be. He's losing a friend, you're losing a positive acquaintance. You will have to watch because you helped 'capture her', but, "I WON'T MAKE YOU WATCH THE EXECUTION. you can stay in the quarters, if you want."

You gently massage his back, trying to get him to calm down a bit. Even if a little bit, it'd be better than the distressed state he is very clearly in at the moment.

"and you'll get to spend a lot more time with equius." You chuckle slightly, though it's very clearly halfhearted. It was a bad joke. Misplaced. "HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO GET ENSLAVED. if he's not killed."

—

Your ears twitch at the kisses. You half flinch, giving another whimper. You enjoyed that. You enjoyed how he was trying to comfort you. And God, you couldn't stand the fact that you enjoyed it. But you didn't care about that right now, you guess. You cared more about how you were feeling.

More about the fact you were getting any kind of comfort. You lean on him, wrapping your arms around him, giving up on keeping it all in. You cry again, like you have so many times in front him. You feel trapped, but welcomed and warm all at once.

You grab at the back of his shirt lightly. No sobbing, no more whines. Just tears. Brown, rusty tears going down your cheeks. You looked up at him, at his face. Your ears back, your expression twisted in regret.

—

You laugh slightly, sadly, when he starts crying. He's looking up at your face, and your reach out and pap it gently. You stroke his chin with your fingers, leaning forward and pressing your forehead against his. You look into his eyes. Brown with Indigo.

Fingers still on his chin, you move them up to cup his cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot. Tinted brown due to the blood in his veins. You smile, reassuring.

"WE'RE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS OKAY. aradia might not, but we tried our fuckin best. STOP PITYING YOURSELF SO HARD. i'm doing that enough for the both of us."

Equius Zahhak and Aradia are being captured, shoved and cuffed and probably beaten. Blue and maroon blood is probably being spilled on the beautiful ground of this abandoned city. On the ruins of the already dead city, the maroon blood being spilled for probably one of the last times.

One of the last times before her death.

Yet, all you can think about is your fucking slave. It's starting to eat you inside.

You lean forward and kiss him again.

—

And again, his lips are pressed to yours. For the third time. Why were you even keeping count? Why did you even care? You cared. A lot. And that of course in turn, hurt you just as much. His lips on yours, felt more right then wrong. A fact that terrified you.

You felt comfort, you found a bit of peace. You as well found yourself kissing him back, gently, unsure of anything. Hesitant, you let a hand clutch at his hair. Which has once again become thick after a few months without a cut. You made a note to ask him if he wanted you to later.

But, that gets pushed back into the back of your head. You don't care right now. All that mattered was you two right now. You and him. All you can think about is how this is all going to fall apart later. The way you felt for him, the pity you felt for him. That you've been denying all this time, it was slowly dripping from you.

And everything became clear and covered in fog all at once.

—

This is so stupid. You're in the back of a carriage, with your slave. All you can think is he'skissingbackhe'skissingbackhe'skissingback, when in reality the idea of getting caught is an almost undeniable probability. You're not thinking that, the idea hasn't even crossed your mind.

The danger doesn't cross your mind.

He's kissing back.

Of all of the times you've kissed him, three times now, he hasn't kissed back. He pushed you away, refused to, said it was wrong. He said it was dangerous, and he was right. He was absolutely right. These subjugglators are already mad enough at Aradia and Equius.

Masters had sexual relations with slaves sometimes, but they were mostly abusive.

The tender stroking of your thumb on his cheek as you tilt your head to kiss him deeper is not abusive. The gentle movement of your hands from his back down to his hips to pull him closer is not abusive.

No part of this is abusive.

Feelings you've had to hold back for so long all go into this kiss. You can't think, all you can think of is right now. Right now, with this rust blood.

Your rust blood.

—

You sigh softly, going to cup his cheek. You were gentle. For God knows why. You caress his cheek, down to his chin. You felt something in your chest. You don't know what it was. Nervousness, your breathing acting up, you didn't know. You didn't care. You only cared about him right now. About all the relief he's giving you.

You pull away softly, slowly, with a light smack of the lips. Your big, dark brown eyes glance up at him. Looking confused. Not upset, not worried, just confused. Then, the confusion softens into understanding, pity. You keep your hands on his chin, letting out a heavy breath out of your nose.

You bite your lip. Realizing, you'd just kissed a highblood. One that you were to call your master, the one that owned you. You felt shame and sadness pool in your stomach, and try your hardness not to let it show. You didn't know. If this was good or bad.

You felt, so very, bitter-sweet right now.

—

You look at him, slightly less wide indigo eyes staring into his. You're reminded all at once what you were just doing. You glance up, pushing him to the side and looking to the door of the carriage. It's closed, still. You look out the window, no peeking civilians or angry subjugglators.

Excitement shoots up your heart. You just kissed him.

You just kissed a slave. You just kissed a lowblooded, rustblooded, dirtblooded, shitblooded slave. You pressed your lips against his, and he kissed back. You wonder if he did it because he felt obligated to, because he was your slave.

You didn't care.

You felt disgusting. You felt absolutely disgusting. You knew you pitied him, but the fact that he actually kissed back was disgusting you. You had been raised for so long to despise these trolls with lesser lifespans, lesser reasons to live, and you had just kissed one.

Yet, at the same time, you felt fantastic.

You lean forward and capture his lips again, for a short amount of time.

"that just happened, right?"

—

You nod slowly. Looking back down at your feet. Your expressions disappear again. It just hit you, your kissed the troll that killed Dave. Branded your skin. That owned you and the entirety of you are. You were okay with it though. For God knows why, you were okay with it.

You felt a little bit sick, but, God you liked it so much. You liked him so much. You pitied him so much. You look at your hands. Your wrist. Your brand. His mark. Biting your lip. Then you shake your head a bit.

You have to let it go. Let everything go. One way or another. Let go of your regret, your pain, and your sorrow. Let it all go. He wants you. He pities you, and you pity him. You don't know if he wants to truly act on it, or if he's just using you, your feelings weren't any different.

Your ears go down, and you take his hand, squeezing it gently.

You wanted to trust him. So bad.

—

You squeeze his hand back, and hear the door rattle a bit. You move over so that your hands are covered, making it seem like you're just protectively hovering over your slave. A subjugglator comes in, one you don't recognize but don't really care to recognize either.

"arE you rEady?" She asks, eyebrows raising at you in honest inquiry. You nod, looking out the window behind you. There are rows of hoofbeasts, about four two pair rows. She nods back, and you watch her tense and wonder what to do through her facial expressions .

She must be new.

"do you nEEd anything to makE your stay morE comfortablE?" She finally asks, and you scoff, pointing to the door.

"privacy."

**End of Act 4: Part 1.**


End file.
